Modern Man vs. Country Man

About a year ago, I posted a column on WND entitled "Modern Man vs. Country Man." It remains one of my favorite pieces ever. For those who missed it, I thought I'd reprint it for your edification. So, without further ado...

Modern Man vs. Country Man

Are you tired of reading bad news? Are you ready for a bit of light-hearted humor? Look no further. Today's column is designed to make you chuckle.

As most readers know, my husband and I live on a small farm in a deeply rural area. As such, we often find ourselves in gentle, good-natured competition with urbanites and occasionally offer some genial jabbing. This is one of those times.

I found an article published a few years ago in the New York Times under their "self-help" category entitled "27 Ways to Be a Modern Man," which offered sage advice defining Modern Manhood.

Needless to say, the writer's definition of manhood was so hilariously at odds with the rural men of my acquaintance, I decided a rebuttal was in order. Without further ado, here's Modern Man vs. Country Man:

1. When the Modern Man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn't have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.

(The Country Man doesn't buy shoes for his spouse. He knows she's all grown up and can buy shoes for herself. Besides, my Country Man thought it was a little creepy for a husband to say something like, "Surprise, honey! I bought you a new pair of shoes today!")

2. The Modern Man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.

(The Country Man has lapses of confidence like anyone else. He's only human, after all. But it just means he works harder at fixing whatever it was that affected his confidence.)

3. The Modern Man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won't munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.

(The Country Man seldom sees a movie in a theater – they're generally too far away – but he holds doors for women, carries heavy packages, and otherwise behaves like a gentleman.)

4. The Modern Man doesn't cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.

(Agreed. The Country Man would do the same, since he's the one that raised the beef.)

5. The Modern Man won't blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.

(The Country Man tries to avoid going anywhere he would have to spend 10 minutes looking for a parking spot.)

6. Before the Modern Man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse's phone and his kids' electronic devices are charging for the night.

(Assuming the Country Man's children are steeped in electronics, he thinks it's their responsibility to charge their own devices. If a Country Man wants to courteously charge his wife's electronics – assuming she has any – that's fine.)

7. The Modern Man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr. Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he'll show you the door.

(A Country Man drinks what he likes. If you don't like what he has to offer, don't drink it. But in most cases there's always beer. Just think beer.)

8. The Modern Man uses the proper names for things. For example, he'll say "helicopter," not "chopper" like some gauche simpleton.

(The Country Man, far from being a gauche simpleton, frequently continues to use the jargon he learned in the military where "chopper" was a regular part of the lexicon. Now let's back up: Who are you calling a "gauche simpleton"?)

9. Having a daughter makes the Modern Man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.

(The Country Man knows ALL children are blessings. He teaches his daughters to be ladies and his sons to be gentlemen. He does NOT teach them boys can be girls and vice-versa.)

10. The Modern Man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.

(The Country Man is often so busy doing chores like cutting firewood, feeding livestock, building structures, hunting to provide meat for his family, and other manly responsibilities that putting the dishes away isn't even on his radar.)

11. The Modern Man has never "pinned" a tweet, and he never will.

(Ditto. I'm not even sure what "pinning a tweet" is, and I'm thankful my Country Man doesn't know either.)

12. The Modern Man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.

(Really? Irish Spring? This defines manhood? Ooookay. Whatever.)

13. The Modern Man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.

(My Country Man asked, "What the heck is Wu-Tang?" It seems this is a hip-hop group from New York City. My Country Man listens to 70s country-rock. I listen to classical Baroque. Listen to hip hop? Not on your tin-type.)

14. The Modern Man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.

(Let's face it, the Country Man tells his wife to please not forget [whatever] at the grocery store. As for the Country Woman, it would never in a zillion years occur to her to look for a grocery list on a telephone. Telephones are for making telephone calls. Duh.)

15. The Modern Man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.

(The Country Man's fixer-upper home often has 100-year-old hardwood floors by default. As for Kenneth Cole oxfords – pause while I gasp with laughter – try steel-toed boots instead.)

16. The Modern Man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so his wife has a chance to get away.

(The Country Man sleeps with a shotgun by his bed so both he AND his wife have a chance of "getting away." The wife, incidentally, has her own firearm in convenient reach as well. It's the intruder who's unlikely to "get away.")

17. Does the Modern Man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

(Oh please. The Country Man picks his own melons fresh from the garden. After that, all he needs is a butcher knife to cut the melons.)

18. The Modern Man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.

(The Country Man buys footwear that fits and doesn't think anything else about it. But if he were caught using a shoehorn by his buddies, the ribbing wouldn't be worth it. Also, does it strike you that the Modern Man is a little fixated with shoes?)

19. The Modern Man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.

(The Country Man surprises his wife with a fresh pack of ammo. Or a fresh pack of canning jars. Or a fresh bundle of 2x6s, after which he proceeds to build her the livestock feeder she's always wanted. Flowers? She can pick those in the pasture.)

20. On occasion, the Modern Man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.

(The Country Man loves to spoon and be spooned. I don't know if feeling "down" or "vulnerable" or requiring an "emotional and physical" shield has squat to do with it.)

21. The Modern Man doesn't scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.

(What?)

22. The Modern Man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.

(The Country Man shoots a bear from his doorstep while buck naked. Yes, really. One of our neighbors did this. The "buck-naked bear" has become local legend.)

23. The Modern Man has all of Michael Mann's films on Blu-Ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).

(Who the heck is Michael Mann and why is he important? My Country Man and I had to look this one up. Nope, neither of us has ever seen a Michael Mann film.)

24. The Modern Man doesn't get hung up on his phone's battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.

(Oh please. What's this obsession with phones? The Country Man remembers what life was like before the ubiquitous cell phone and is perfectly comfortable going hunting or fishing without one.)

25. The Modern Man has no use for a gun. He doesn't own one, and he never will.

(The Country Man knows a gun is a tool, like a chainsaw or a hammer. He owns anywhere from several to a lot. He knows he can protect his family, unlike the so-called "Modern Man" who would cry like a baby upon meeting A Bad Guy intent on harming his family.)

26. The Modern Man cries. He cries often.

(Cries "often"? My Country Man said "GAAK." Maybe the Modern Man met the Bad Guy mentioned in #25. The Country Man doesn't cry unless he's grieving. Otherwise he just takes care of things. Occasionally with a gun. See #25. Or #16.)

27. People aren't sure if the Modern Man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.

(The Country Man does a mean two-step or swing. And don't forget slow dancing.)

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is a brief primer on the differences between the "Modern Man" and the Country Man. You're welcome.

How to hate your husband

Want to read a just plain weird Mother's Day article? Try this:

You Will Hate Your Husband After Your Kid Is Born

This is some of the strangest drivel I've read in a long time. We are informed:

On this upcoming day of celebrating mothers, here’s a cautionary note, something many mothers-to-be don’t expect when they’re expecting: If you have a husband, you will hate him when your kid is born. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t be fooled by the pictures on your social media feed of your friends serenely beaming with their infants. When they’re not letting you know they’re #SoBlessed, they’re probably fighting.

(First of all, note the phrase, "IF you have a husband." Now you know the direction this is coming from.)

"Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise," says the author. Um, sweetheart, I'm here to tell you otherwise. You're treating your husband like dirt, and it's your fault.

So new parents are stressed, overtired, and having trouble adjusting to the constant demands of a seven-pound helpless human being. Um, what else did you expect when a new baby came into your formerly kid-free lives? That you'd be able to treat it like a puppy, lock it in the pantry, and go out to dinner?

The article seems to center on the shocking reality that women are much more attuned to the needs of their baby than men are ("A baby’s cry was the No. 1 sound most likely to wake a woman, it didn’t even figure into the male top ten, lagging behind car alarms and strong wind"). Again, duh. The author acts like this is something scandalous and disgraceful.

Men aren't mothers. Men don't carry the baby in utero. Men don't breastfeed the baby. Men are protectors and defenders, not nurturers. (Please don't misunderstand, I know men care for their babies; what I'm saying is, their biology is geared for defense/protection, not the sensitive nuances of infant care.)

The author of this article seems to spend a lot of time explaining why her man is scum because he's not as responsive to the immediate needs of a newborn as she is (she terms it "colossal asymmetry"), and why she decides he's nothing more than a knuckle-dragging caveman:

I thought I had married an evolved guy—one who assured me, when I was pregnant, that we would divide up the work equally. Yet right after our baby was born, we backslid into hidebound midcentury gender roles as I energetically overmet my expectations.

Sheesh, sister, suck it up. What on earth did you expect? Biology doesn't conform to feminism. Women are mothers, not men.

My advice: Get some immediate counseling for postpartum depression before you send what sounds like a very decent man fleeing into the night. Then read this article.

Okay, rant over.

Modern man vs. country man

Recently the New York Times posted an article entitled 27 Ways to Be a Modern Man. As promised, readers receive 27 pieces of sage advice defining modern manhood -- by New York Times standards (the author of the piece, let it be known, hails from DeKalb, Illinois).

"Being a modern man today," begins the article, "is no different than it was a century ago. It’s all about adhering to principle. Sure, fashion, technology and architecture change over time, as do standards of etiquette, not to mention ways of carrying oneself in the public sphere. But the modern man will take the bits from the past that strike him as relevant and blend them with the stuff of today.

Needless to say, the 27 points that define a modern man were so hilariously at odds with the men of my acquaintance that I decided to write brief rebutalls/slash/contrasts. "Modern men" is in bold; "country men" are in italics.

Without further ado, here's Modern Man vs. Country Man:

1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.

(The country man doesn’t buy shoes for his spouse. He knows she’s all grown up and can buy shoes for herself. Besides, Don and I both agreed it was just a little creepy for a husband to say something like, “Surprise, honey! I bought you a new pair of shoes today! Look!”)

2. The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.

(The country man has lapses of confidence like anyone else. He’s only human, after all. But it just means he works harder at whatever it was that affected his confidence.)

3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.

(The country man seldom sees a movie in a theater – they’re generally too far away – but he holds doors for women, carries heavy packages, and otherwise acts like a gentleman.)

4. The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.

(Agreed. The country man would do the same.)

5. The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.

(I don’t know why this is an issue. I suppose a country man would do the same.)

6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.

(Um, no. Even assuming the country man’s children are steeped in electronics, he thinks it’s more prudent to teach his children responsibility by letting them charge their own electronics. If a country man wants to courteously charge his wife’s electronics, I suppose I wouldn’t object.)

7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.

(Um, beer. Just think beer.)

8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.

(The country man, far from being a “gauche simpleton,” frequently continues to use the jargon he learned in the military, where “chopper” was a regular part of the lexicon. Now let’s back up; who are you calling a “gauche simpleton”?)

9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.

(The country man knows ALL children are blessings. He can teach his daughters to be ladies and his sons to be gentlemen.)

10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.

(The country man is often so busy doing manly chores like cutting firewood, feeding livestock, building structures, hunting to provide meat for his family, and other responsibilities that putting dishes away isn’t even on his radar.)

11. The modern man has never “pinned” a tweet, and he never will.

(Ditto. I’m not even sure what “pinning a tweet” is, and I’m thankful my country man doesn’t know either.)

12. The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.

(This defines manhood? Ooookay. Whatever.)

13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.

(My country man and I had to look this one up. Wu-Tang, it seems, is an American hip hop group from New York City. Listen to hip hop? Not on your tin-type.)

14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.

(Let’s face it, the country man tells his wife to please not forget [whatever] at the grocery store. As for the country wife, it would never in a zillion years occur to her to look for a grocery list on a telephone.

15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.

(The country man often has 100 year old hardwood floors by default. As for Kenneth Cole oxfords – pause while I gasp with laughter – try steel-toed boots instead.)

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.

(The country man sleeps with a shotgun by his bed so both he AND his wife have an excellent chance of “getting away.” The wife, incidentally, has her own firearm in convenient reach as well.)

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

(Oh please. The country man can pick his own cantaloupe, watermelon, and honeydew fresh from the garden. After that, all he needs is a butcher knife to cut the melons.)

18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.

(The country man buys footwear that fits and doesn’t think anything else about it. But if he were caught using a shoehorn by his buddies, the ribbing wouldn’t be worth it.)

19. The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.

(The country man brings his wife a fresh pack of ammo. Or a fresh pack of canning jars. Or a fresh pack of 2x6s, after which he proceeds to build her the livestock feeder she’s always wanted. Flowers? She can pick those in the pasture.)

20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.

(The country man loves to spoon and be spooned. I don’t know if feeling “down” or “vulnerable” or requiring an “emotional” or “physical” shield has squat to do with it.)

21. The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.

(Um, what?)

22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.

(The country man shoots a bear from his doorstep while buck naked. Yes really. One of our neighbors did this. It’s become local legend.)

23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).

(Who the heck is Michael Mann and why is he important? We had to look this one up. Nope, neither of us has ever seen a Michael Mann film.)

24. The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.

(Oh please. The country man remembers what life was like before the ubiquitous phone and is perfectly comfortable going hunting or fishing without one.)

25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.

(The country man knows a gun is a tool, like a chainsaw or a hammer. He owns anywhere from several to a lot. He knows he can protect his family, unlike the so-called “modern man” who would cry like a baby upon meeting a Bad Guy intent on harming his family.)

26. The modern man cries. He cries often.

(Maybe the modern man met the Bad Guy mentioned in #25. The country man doesn’t cry unless he’s grieving. Otherwise he just takes care of things. Often with a gun. See #25.)

27. People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.

(The country man does a mean two-step or swing. And don’t forget slow dancing.)

Ahem. Feel free to add your own.

Why Father's Day is really about mothers

Here's my WND column for this weekend entitled Why Father's Day is Really About Mothers.

Happy Father's Day to all you dads!

UPDATE: Reader Dave posted a beautiful column at this link. Well worth reading.

Hating women

Last September I wrote a WND column called Feminism Has Slain Our Protectors. In my naiveté, I thought it was a nice tribute to men. Apparently I was wrong.

To my surprise, the column because the focus of intense debate among a group of misogynists. I don’t use that term lightly: I mean these men seriously hate women of any sort. Here it, five months after the fact, and comments are still coming in (445 at last count).

Evidently the column made the rounds of a group calling themselves MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), the premise of which is men are no longer feeling obligated to do anything that society in general, and women in particular, expect them to do. They will no longer feel compelled to get married or support a family. They will no longer feel compelled to fight wars or engage in professions that get them dirty. They will no longer feel compelled to open doors or assist with a flat tire. In short, they'll do their own thing without regards to traditionally masculine concepts of duty, obligation, or (particularly) chivalry.

These men are just as hostile (if not more so) toward traditional ("trad con") women as they are toward feminists.

The latest comment (from yesterday) to come in on the column was from someone calling himself John Rambo and reads as follows:

I'm a MGTOW. I'm going my own way, without a backstabbing treasonous *** dragging with me. I would help any human being. But when you 'train me' to do the job, then *** , you bloody... I can see through every intention of women.

This article is pure evil. When a man would write thing like "Women should be chained to the countertop, and should be used as baby factory", then hell would break loose.

It doesn't matter what women think, or what they want. Women get older, and they will see men turn their heads less and less. They will be desperate attention-junkies going cold turkey.

Yesterday I received an email from (presumably) the same poster (he called himself John the MGTOW) as follows, which is why I thought to check the comments on the column:

Dear Patrice Lewis.

What if men were going their own way, and simply would ignore women completely?

So no marriages, no children, no sex, no protection, no alimony, and the hard, dangerous, dirty and heavy jobs women also can do themselves.

Men Going Their Own Way, without women. That is what is happening right now more and more.

You want enslave men to do your dirty and heavy jobs? See men as walking ATM's?

We can just walk away, and never come back. And we will.

Ahh, I love the smell of victory.

Cheers! John the MGTOW

Beyond the logical question of what these men DO all day, it's clear this kind of general-purpose hatred didn’t just spring up from nowhere. It had to have a source. Obviously these men all bear similar wounds and decided to cluster together for protection against the perceived hostility of womanhood. Whether those wounds derived from an ex-wife, a girlfriend, or (most tragically) a mother, I’m sure we’ll never know.

I just think it’s sad.

Advice for men

A friend sent this.

Men who hate women

Oh please.

Every single one of you knows how I feel about feminism. But the opposite position can be taken too far. Consider this remark I just read:

"Feminism is witchcraft. It is of satan. Look at the rebellion of women around the world. Women are a threat to society, to families, to Men and to children. Their rebellion is growing. As they gain education, they turn even more evil and rebellious. They are usurping the roles of Men in society and the Church. One can understand why the Muslims keep their women under control. Look how many children have been murdered by their mothers. In the hundreds of millions. Look at what has happened to America since women started to vote and holding office. The Eve factor ie deluded rebellion against God, is still alive in her female descendants. This is why Men must dominate women. For their own good and that of the world. The coming of the antichrist must be near. Women will receive him with great gusto. That tells you who is really behind the feminist movement."

Criminey, I'd hate to live next door to this guy... much less be married to him. This smacks of plain old-fashioned misogyny.

Tragic piece of journalism

A friend sent me a link to an article called Parents' Worst Nightmare: Kids Are Jealous of 'Teen Mom' Stars. My friend called it a tragic piece of journalism.

It seems there are reality TV shows depicting teenage mothers and what their lives are like. We don't have television reception so I was unaware of this genre of reality programs.

Apparently the shows were filmed as cautionary tales against teen pregnancy. However a study found -- what a surprise! -- that "young fans of these two series are shockingly envious of the shows' stars." The reason, apparently, is because these teen moms "have an enviable quality of life; high incomes; supportive, loyal romantic partners; and children who are cared for well."

Even though the shows are supposed to be "cautionary," impressionable viewers doubtless get these reality teens mixed up with single celebrity moms who "have the time, money, and hired help to squeeze in red-carpet appearances, European vacations, date nights and parenting duties."

I hate to break it to teens, but motherhood -- especially single motherhood before you're 18 -- bears absolutely no resemblance to Hollywood moms. In other words, reality trumps reality shows.

The article states, "What could possibly be enviable about the lives of single, teenage mothers? Let's see. Janelle Evans, 21, mother of a 16-month-old son has battled a heroin addiction and has multiple arrests under her belt. In 2010, she lost custody of her son, and she is currently pregnant with her second child. Farrah Abraham, a 22-year-old with a 3-year-old daughter, made a sex tape with porn star James Deen and is now starring on VH1's "Couples Therapy." And Amber Portwood, 24, mother of a 4-year-old daughter, was arrested for domestic violence in 2010 after beating her child's father in front of the little girl. She recently admitted to Us Weekly that she was high on drugs for most of the filming."

I wonder if any of this misbehavior was documented on the show?

My friend who sent me this link confirmed these dire statistics. She wrote, "One of the show's 'stars' resided a county over from our hometown. She is constantly in the news for probation violations, arrests, etc. Awful to think she is a role model for young girls. Grrrr."

Up to this point I thought the shallow writers at Yahoo handled the subject quite well. But toward the end of the article I saw this... and my jaw hit the floor:

Let's be clear: There's nothing inherently wrong with choosing to be a single mother if you're mature, responsible, and financially independent.

Okay. There's "nothing wrong" with intentionally depriving your children of a father's love. I see.

Idiots.

Chuckle du jour

A reader named David forwarded this to me.

It read: "I was running late, so I asked my husband to peel half the potatoes and put them on to boil and I'd be home soon after to finish dinner. When I got home, this is what I saw."

I chuckled over this and called Don over to take a look. "I don't mean to laugh at men..." I began, and then laughed.

"Oh that's all right," he replied, then began: "I asked my wife to fuel up the truck..." He paused. "Do you remember?"

Oh yeah. I remember when I put gas in the diesel truck. I remember it all too well.

We can laugh about it now...

A real man

I'm so thankful for my husband.

In cleaning out Matilda's pen this afternoon, I noticed three of our young roosters inside. This isn't anything unusual, Matilda's pen is a common hangout for the chickens during the day.

As I started raking up the mess, the roosters started moving out... except for one young fellow who clearly had a broken leg. I leaned the rake against the wall, poked my head in the house and said, "Honey, do you mind doing a dirty job?"

I explained about the broken leg and my husband reached for his .22 and put the rooster out of his misery without hesitation.

Don isn't a hunter, but he's a Real Man and does what needs to be done, without flinching, when it needs doing.

I'm so thankful for my husband.

Civilized, not feminized

Since we don't have sons, I have no experience raising boys. However I was raised with three brothers (no sisters) so I find boys to be fascinating creatures.

And someday my girls will grow up and marry someone else's sons, so I have a great interest in how other people raise their boys. I'm distressed by the modern trend to feminize men. I want my daughters to marry good men, not good boys.

So I read with great interest an essay a reader sent called Civilized, Not Feminized on the Raising Homemakers website, written by a woman who is well-experienced in boys. Well worth reading -- and heeding.

This is a website I'm going to have to investigate at greater length...

UPDATE: There is apparently a problem with the links. A reader reported the link to the Raising Homemakers site has been hacked, and it re-directs readers to a Viagra ad. To be on the safe side, type the link in directly:

www.raisinghomemakers.com
www.raisinghomemakers.com/2012/civilzed-not-feminized

Valentine schmaltz

Last week Don and I were doing some work in the shop while listening to talk radio. In between whatever issues the radio hosts were discussing were numerous ads for Valentine's Day goodies -- pajama-grams, flowers, chocolates, and teddy bears. In fact, the latter ad absolutely busted us up laughing because we learned we could get a four-and-a-half foot teddy bear for a mere trifle if we mention the radio host to the operators-who-are-standing-by!

A four-and-a-half foot teddy bear, hmmm? What the dickens will you do with a 4.5 foot teddy bear except trip over it for the next year and then finally give it to Goodwill? We agreed it was a colossal waste of money.

So Don and I had a good chuckle over the ad. He half-jokingly asked me what I want for Valentine's Day, and I half-jokingly replied I wanted the materials to build a lean-to greenhouse on the barn when spring comes.

As you may have gathered, we don't hold with celebrating such an overly-schmaltzy holiday as Valentine's Day. Which is why I found it so amusing to see the plethora of articles and advertisements that hit the 'net today.

Consider this article about the 10 worst Valentine's Day gifts. The author points out the horrors of presenting your love with flowers, jewelry, chocolates, lingerie, perfume, or other traditional offerings.

Or this article, on the loss of romantic courtship. Or this opinion piece, on why the writer hates Valentine's Day.

And it got me thinking -- what do I find romantic or attractive in a man?

I would NOT find it attractive to have a man think he can overcome a year's worth of selfishness and petty complaints by popping for flowers on one particular day. But nor would I find it attractive for a woman to ignore all the efforts her man puts into pleasing her all year long but who sulks if she doesn't get roses on the Big Day.

The men I admire are the ones who quietly and without fuss spend their year working hard to support their families. The one who uncomplainingly changes diapers or takes out the garbage or gases up the car or gets up in the middle of the night with the baby. The one who thinks a woman in a stained T-shirt is sexy because these work clothes means she's obviously working hard too. The one who plays Tickle Monster with his kids when he gets home from work even when he's bushed. The one who hustles the whole family out the door on Sunday morning so they'll get to church on time. The one who demands his children show respect to their mother because of all she does for them.

Oh man, I think I've just described my husband.

You see, romance isn't found in a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates. It's found in a man who knows what it is to be a man, who appreciates and values his woman, who raises and guides his children, who knows the place God appointed him into as head of the family.

I'm eternally blessed that I'm married to my forever love. Happy Valentine's Day, honey.

Ode to men

A friend sent this.
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Here’s to all the Real Men out there...

Boys play house.
Men build homes.

Boys shack up.
Men get married.

Boys make babies.
Men raise children.

A boy won’t raise his own children
A man will raise someone else’s.

Boys invent excuses for failure.
Men produce strategies for success.

Boys look for somebody to take care of them.
Men look for someone to take care of.

Boys seek popularity.
Men demand respect and know how to give it.
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This is why I love men. I have a sneaking suspicion that women who hate men have never met any. They've only known boys.

The Death of Pretty

Recently my friend Enola Gay posted a wonderful essay on training her sons to be men. (Knowing her older son as I do, I can testify she and her husband are doing a wonderful job.)

We have no sons, but we have daughters… and the counterpart to training sons to be men is training daughters to be women.

I am the most fortunate woman in the world for having the husband that I do. Don is the ultimate head of our household, and as such he takes seriously his duty to train our girls to value their purity and treasure their virtue.

It’s funny. When our oldest daughter was a baby and I was facing the Great Unknown of raising children in a decadent society, I remember commenting to a friend, “If I can just get her through high school without her getting pregnant, I’ll consider that a success.” Oh the naïveté of that comment! Little did I realize just how much influence we could have on our daughters. As parents, we can do so much more than “merely” get our daughters through high school without getting pregnant. Instead, we can raise them to be virtuous and decent young women, someone any man would be proud to call “wife” some day.

There are many ways to guard the virtue of our daughters – not only guard it, but instill the values in our girls so they learn to guard their own virtue.

• Dads. The presence of a father is the Number One way to raise girls with virtue. Girls raised with an involved father are far more likely to develop the (cough) self-esteem (I hate that phrase) necessary to see themselves as more than the sum of their body parts. Girls raised without a father are forever seeking male attention… and sadly, the easiest way to garner attention is by acting and dressing seductively.

• Homeschooling. Deprived (ahem) of the example of skankily-dressed peers, girls (and boys) who are homeschooled are far more likely to retain the values of their parents. I find it amusing that this fact – homeschooled children are more like to retain the values of their parents – is somehow construed among some progressives as evil (go figure).

• Feminism. I don’t know how it happened, but feminism has been changed from its original lofty intent (equality for women) into something dark and sinister. The old argument feminists used was that women should be valued for their brains, not their bodies. Okay, fine, that’s not such a bad goal. Our culture has embraced feminism with an almost rabid devotion – and what has happened as a result? Young women are dressing more abysmally than ever before, advertising their bodies and (presumably) hiding their brains.

I find it interesting how hostile feminists are to femininity. Last year I spoke to one of the founders of the Ladies Against Feminism site, and let me tell you, she had some stories to tell about the nasty-grams they get from feminists! The women who run this site had to go “undercover” to escape the threats – yes, threats – against their safety from rabid feminists who apparently want to eradicate the voice of anyone expressing a non-feminist viewpoint.

• Pop culture. I don’t know about you, but I don’t see a lot of value in pop culture. It seems very few women can develop their talent for singing, acting, or other performance arts without descending into skankiness. What good is a pretty face and beautiful voice and attractive body if you act like a slut? I greatly admired Audrey Hepburn because she managed to combine gracious femininity and talent without the need to strip naked to prove her point. She was a true Lady.

One of the major “unintended consequences” of feminism in our society is its effect on men. Men no longer feel the biological need to defend and protect women. When women routinely dress like sluts, men want to bed them, not protect them. But when women dress modestly, even the most hardened male tends to show a little more respect.

Maybe that’s why I’m such a Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte fan. These women railed against the suppression of women in their day – but their characters did not lose their femininity despite that.

Anyway, all this was sparked by an interesting essay sent by a reader entitled The Death of Pretty by Pat Archbold. It distinguishes between the traditional views of “pretty” women vs. “hot” women. The original source, National Catholic Register, kindly gave me permission to reprint the essay here.
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The Death of Pretty by Pat Archbold

This post is intended as a lament of sorts, a lament for something in the culture that is dying and may never been seen again.

Pretty, pretty is dying.

People will define pretty differently. For the purposes of this piece, I define pretty as a mutually enriching balanced combination of beauty and projected innocence.

Once upon a time, women wanted to project an innocence. I am not idealizing another age and I have no illusions about the virtues of our grandparents, concupiscence being what it is. But some things were different in the back then. First and foremost, many beautiful women, whatever the state of their souls, still wished to project a public innocence and virtue. And that combination of beauty and innocence is what I define as pretty.

By nature, generally when men see this combination in women it brings out their better qualities, their best in fact. That special combination of beauty and innocence, the pretty inspires men to protect and defend it.

Young women today do not seem to aspire to pretty, they prefer to be regarded as hot. Hotness is something altogether different. When women want to be hot instead of pretty, they must view themselves in a certain way and consequently men view them differently as well.

As I said, pretty inspires men’s nobler instincts to protect and defend. Pretty is cherished. Hotness, on the other hand, is a commodity. Its value is temporary and must be used. It is a consumable.

Nowhere is this pretty deficit more obvious than in our “stars,” the people we elevate as the “ideal.” The stars of the fifties surely suffered from the same sin as do stars of today. Stars of the fifties weren’t ideal but they pursued a public ideal different from today.

The merits of hotness over pretty is easy enough to understand, they made an entire musical about it. Who can forget how pretty Olivia Newton John was at the beginning of Grease. Beautiful and innocent. But her desire to be desired leads her to throw away all that is valuable in herself in the vain hopes of getting the attention of a boy. In the process, she destroys her innocence and thus destroys the pretty. What we are left with is hotness.

Hotness is a consumable. A consumable that consumes as it is consumed but brings no warmth.

Most girls don’t want to be pretty anymore even if they understand what it is. It is ironic that 40 years of women’s liberation has succeeded only in turning women into a commodity. Something to be used up and thrown out.

Of course men play a role in this as well, but women should know better and they once did. Once upon a time you would hear girls talk about kind of women men date and the kind they marry. You don’t hear things like that anymore.

But here is the real truth. Most men prefer pretty over hot. Even back in 6th grade I hated the “hot” Olivia Newton John and felt sorry for her that she had to debase herself in such a way. Still do.

Our problem is that society doesn’t value innocence anymore, real or imagined. Nobody aspires to innocence anymore. Nobody wants to be thought of as innocent, the good girl. They want to be hot, not pretty.

I still hope that pretty comes back, although I think it not likely any time soon. For every Taylor Swift, there are a hundred Megan Foxs, or Lindsay Lohans, or Miley Cyruses etc.

Girls, please, bring back the pretty.

No more disciplined warriors

I picked this off of SurvivalBlog tonight. Read it, then read it again, and once more again. When it starts to sink in, you'll realize what a scary concept this is.
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"The disciplined warrior, made irrelevant by mechanized war, disdained and abandoned by the high-tech culture, is fading in American men. The fading of the warrior contributes to the collapse of society. A man who cannot defend his own space cannot defend women and children. The poisoned warriors called drug lords prey primarily for recruits on kingless, warriorless boys." - Robert Bly in Iron John, 1990

True riches

My older daughter and I were driving somewhere last week when we started discussing her future career choice. (I haven’t blogged about her career choice yet, but will shortly.) On the heels of that discussion we started talking about marriage, specifically how she might meet a young man (someday) who would be worthy of marrying her. Suffice it to say her career choice may throw her in the path of young men who will be rich.

And I warned her against it. Not to paint too broad a brush on ALL rich people, but I told her wealth can sometimes be incompatible with the family values we cherish. Not always, but often. (Okay, I’ll stop with the codicils now. I’m sure there are exceptions everywhere.)

Then I said something that just sort of popped out of my mouth but, upon reflection, I realize is dead-on accurate. I said, “Look at your father. He’s never been rich, but he’s always provided for us, and he's been the best husband a woman could ever ask for, and the best father you girls could ever want.”

I would never claim that riches are incompatible with family harmony (something we’ve always had in abundance) but I believe our LACK of riches has meant we have become immeasurably rich in everything else. We have the richness of love. We have the richness of domestic harmony. We have the richness of wonderful teens. We have the richness of lots of time together as a family. We have the richness of a lack of stress (most of the time). These are things, literally, that money cannot buy.

Rich men can either be rich through inheritance or through hard work. I don’t begrudge either. In fact, I applaud both. Except… I’m not sure riches could ever translate into a man worthy of my daughter, because I would question whether his interest lies with his wealth (maintaining it and/or building more) or his family.

Yeah yeah, I know every parent wants the highest ideals for a potential son-in-law. But under most circumstances, in a heartbeat I would choose a man of modest means to marry my daughter, over a rich man.

If I were to pull together a bucket list for a son-in-law, money would NOT be on it. But these qualities would:

• A strong work ethic. A man should have the will and the ability to provide for my daughter and their future children.

• Kindness. My future son-in-law will know how to be the kind and loving head of his family. He will not use anger or fear to control either my daughter or their children.

• Religious strength. A man should be able to guide his children’s religious upbringing and provide a godly example of manliness to his family.

• Morals. My son-in-law should be a moral man who knows (and sticks to) his convictions.

• Honorable. This term can encompass a lot of ground, including keeping his word.

• Practical knowledge. My son-in-law should know how to do make, fix, repair, create, and build. There are a million and one things my husband can turn his hand to that makes our lives easier. I would wish the same abilities in my son-in-law.

• Adoration. My son-in-law will adore my daughter. She in turn will adore him back. This respect and adoration helps carry any couples through hard times.

As you can see, riches aren’t listed anywhere. And riches may even interfere with many of these ideals.

Here is a wonderful letter to Dr. Laura that says a lot about how a woman should treat her husband which would add immeasurably to marital harmony.

What are your thoughts?

Why men die first

A reader sent a link to an extraordinary collection of photos entitled Why Men Die First. Yikes.

Alternate opinion

[OOPS, I just realized I posted this twice. Blogger had a temporary glitch and I didn't realize both posting attempts went through. I would delete one of them, but people have already posted comments on both so I'll leave both identical posts up. Sorry for the confusion!]

I didn't want to post this in the comments section because it had some bad language, and I can't alter an incoming comment in any way. However it was an interesting perspective and I didn't want it to get buried, so I thought I would post it here.

This is in response to my WND column The Forgotten Fathers. On the WND site a liberal reader had posted a comment as follows:

Patrice, you're making it sound as though the problem were the result of some sinister liberal plot to make fathers unimportant. Wrong. The problem is due to adverse socio-economic conditions in America. Hardly any one is saying that it's not good for children to grow up in intact families with loving, responsible fathers. This is a very good thing. But given the poverty, the lack of opportunity due to economic difficulties, etc, it's very tough for so many people to live this kind of stable and economically secure life.

Also on the WND site, there was a reply to this comment I would like to include:

As usual, you confuse cause and effect. The socio-economic plight is the RESULT of the breakdown of the family, not the cause of it. Is there a positive feedback loop? Of course. Money problems create stress that can break marriages that are not on a firm foundation, but the primary cause is the breakdown of the family, which was indeed a malicious plot by subversives who WANTED to undermine the nation at its core. They INTENTIONALLY created these socio-economic conditions by encouraging single-motherhood.

Anyway, in response to the first viewpoint, a blog reader tried to post a reply. As I said I deleted the comment but I'm posting it here, language cleaned up:

I agree with the [above] comment. My mom died of cancer when I was young and we drowned in medical bills while my father worked his butt off working several jobs. These things happen. And they happened under Reagan. I worked full-time just out of high school and still had to apply for aid because despite the hours that I worked, I still couldn't afford to pay for rent and food. Welcome to small town America where jobs are few and they pay [expletive]. Eventually, decades later, I moved up a little, but I was lucky. I didn't have any major health issues or children to take care of. America has been in decline for over 30 years. Wages have been stagnet for 30 years while debt has gone up. The social fabric of this country has been tearing for a long, long time and no it doesn't have a [irreverent expletive] thing to do with your god (whatever your god is). And no, it's not because of this or that political party. We have one party in this country: The Corporate Party. Everything else is simply designed to keep you entertained while they steal your money. They've succeeded. The ship is still sinking while all these stupid culture wars and political rants go on.

I welcome your thoughts.

Alternative opinion

I didn't want to post this in the comments section because it had some bad language, and I can't alter an incoming comment in any way. However it was an interesting perspective and I didn't want it to get buried, so I thought I would post it here.

This is in response to my WND column The Forgotten Fathers. On the WND site a liberal reader had posted a comment as follows:

Patrice, you're making it sound as though the problem were the result of some sinister liberal plot to make fathers unimportant. Wrong. The problem is due to adverse socio-economic conditions in America. Hardly any one is saying that it's not good for children to grow up in intact families with loving, responsible fathers. This is a very good thing. But given the poverty, the lack of opportunity due to economic difficulties, etc, it's very tough for so many people to live this kind of stable and economically secure life.

Also on the WND site, there was a reply to this comment I would like to include:

As usual, you confuse cause and effect. The socio-economic plight is the RESULT of the breakdown of the family, not the cause of it. Is there a positive feedback loop? Of course. Money problems create stress that can break marriages that are not on a firm foundation, but the primary cause is the breakdown of the family, which was indeed a malicious plot by subversives who WANTED to undermine the nation at its core. They INTENTIONALLY created these socio-economic conditions by encouraging single-motherhood.

Anyway, in response to the first viewpoint, a blog reader tried to post a reply. As I said I deleted the comment but I'm posting it here, language cleaned up:

I agree with the [above] comment. My mom died of cancer when I was young and we drowned in medical bills while my father worked his butt off working several jobs. These things happen. And they happened under Reagan. I worked full-time just out of high school and still had to apply for aid because despite the hours that I worked, I still couldn't afford to pay for rent and food. Welcome to small town America where jobs are few and they pay [expletive]. Eventually, decades later, I moved up a little, but I was lucky. I didn't have any major health issues or children to take care of. America has been in decline for over 30 years. Wages have been stagnet for 30 years while debt has gone up. The social fabric of this country has been tearing for a long, long time and no it doesn't have a [irreverent expletive] thing to do with your god (whatever your god is). And no, it's not because of this or that political party. We have one party in this country: The Corporate Party. Everything else is simply designed to keep you entertained while they steal your money. They've succeeded. The ship is still sinking while all these stupid culture wars and political rants go on.

I welcome your thoughts.

Head of the household

I have a deep dark secret to confess: I enjoy reading feminist literature.

Well, to be more specific, I enjoy reading literature that bashes feminism (maybe I should call it anti-feminist literature). I just do, that’s all.

If you haven’t yet read the Flipside of Feminism, I highly recommend it. And at the moment I’m re-reading a book called Women Who Make the World Worse by Kate O’Beirne. Today's blog post was inspired by O'Beirne's chapter on daycare. The author discusses the pervasive feminist mindset that children do better away from the constant, smothering care of their mothers. Preschoolers should be thrust into institutionalized day prisons in order to learn egalitarianism. Or something.

Ms. O’Beirne quotes a passage from another book called The War Against Parents by Sylvia Ann Hewlett (which I haven’t read but would like to) as follows: “Important strands of liberal thinking are antagonistic to the parenting enterprise. Scratch the surface and you will find that many folks on the left don’t particularly like marriage or children. In their view, the enormous quantity of other-directed energy absorbed by families gets in the way of freedom of choice, and ultimately of self-realization. This is particular true for women, which is why some radical feminists tend to see motherhood as a plot to derail equal rights and lure women back to subservient, submissive roles within the family.”

It was the terms “subservient, submissive roles within the family” that annoyed me. What would a radical feminist have to say about the dynamics of the Lewis household, for Pete’s sake, where I freely admit my husband is my hero? Not only my hero, but the acknowledged head of our household?

Yes, he’s the Head of this family, and frankly I like it that way.

However much feminists want to deny biology, the fact remains that men and women are different.  (Shocking, I know.) I like to think that God in His divine wisdom came up with the spiffy concept of a division of labor for the sake of efficiency.

Feminists call this oppression.

But why is it oppressive to look to one’s husband for guidance and strength, rather than to feminists? Why can’t it be a freeing thing for a woman to lean on her husband?  Isn't it nice that women don't have to "do it all," including leading their family?  (Unless they're without a husband, of course.)

Perhaps it’s because feminists can’t acknowledge how men – True Men – don’t throw their weight around, either physically or psychologically.

I’m reminded of an old story. Apparently a heavyweight boxing champion and his friend boarded a subway train with standing room only. Shortly after a new passenger came on who pushed and shoved his way rudely past the other standing passengers. The boxer was shoved so hard he almost fell. But he did nothing except straighten up and re-grip the overhead strap.

His friend was annoyed. “You’re the heavy-weight boxing champion!” he scolded. “You could have decked that guy! Why didn’t you?”

“A heavy-weight boxing champion doesn’t have to deck that guy,” the boxer replied. “He’s strong enough to know when not to throw his weight around.”

It’s that way with men who truly assume the mantle of Head. My husband doesn’t have to throw his weight around, physically or psychologically. Such behavior merely indicates insecurity and would not garner respect from his wife and children. True men don’t force their wives into submissive, subservient roles. They know diamonds are too valuable to treat like glass.

I am the Heart of this household, and as everyone knows, a body is no good without a heart, just as a body is no good without a head. We need both, and the fact that I view my husband as my Head in no way diminishes my importance as his Heart, which is my role. But someone has to have the final say in a house for peace and order to prevail, and that job goes to the man.

A wise Head takes advice and counsel from his Heart. Don and I discuss all household decisions and mutually agree on nearly everything. But if there is a dissenting opinion between us, and unless I can demonstrate why my opinion is superior, then I defer to his guidance.

Oooh, sacrilege to the feminist cause. Feminists, presumably, must always have the last word, which I interpret as meaning feminists try to make their husbands submissive and subservient.

And here’s something most feminists don’t have: Domestic harmony. Because Don and I each understand our unique and critical roles in our marriage, we are blessed with domestic harmony that is the envy of many. But we are not unique in this. All our happily-married friends do the same thing. It’s like we’ve discovered the “secret” to happy marriages that no modern-day feminist will ever admit has worked well for, oh, several thousand years.

Don and I had an interesting conversation with a neighbor last night. She’s in the middle of reading my book. Naturally I asked for her candid opinion. The first thing she said was, “It’s a praise fest for Don.” What she meant was, my admiration for my husband permeates the entire book.

The discussion segued to the tendency for women to bash their husbands (one of my pet peeves). If you get a group of women together without their men present, just about the first thing they start to do is gripe about how stupid their husbands are.

My mother never did this to my father. I never do this to Don. I pray my daughters will never do that to their future husbands.

See, I tend to look at things from the opposite perspective as these griping women. I tend to assume that every woman has the potential to be as happy with her husband as I am with Don. This attitude is confirmed by many of my friends' attitudes toward their husbands. To hear our neighbor Enola Gay talk about her husband is a beautiful thing.

But to feminists, this is anathema. A happy, harmonious, and (worse) traditional family arrangement can no longer be admitted as the best environment for raising children. It is no longer politically correct for a woman to honor her husband because it’s interpreted as (cough) subservient and submissive.

Remember the parents (Charles and Caroline) of Laura Ingalls Wilder? I once saw it written that Caroline went wherever Charles took her, but Charles would only go where Caroline let him. In other words, they worked together as a team. Being the Head of a household doesn’t mean a man is a nasty dictator. In means taking wise counsel from others, primarily one’s Heart, to discern the best path for a family to take. So an important task for a woman in choosing a husband is to pick a man who truly understands what it means to take his place as Head of the household.

Much of the hostility toward stay-at-home moms appears to stem from the notion that home is an awful place to be. And frankly if I had to live with a feminist, I would agree – it would be an awful place to be. But a home ruled over by a domestic diva is a lovely, warm, welcoming place, a refuge from an often cruel world, an anchor of peace in a tough economy, a haven of tranquility against the rigors of the outside world.

And men know this very very well, because they are the slayers of dragons and our knights in shining armor whose efforts permit us to create those homes.