Just when you think fashion can't get any more stupid...

Most long-time readers know I have no interest in fashion. As in, zip, zero, zilch, nada. I hate clothes and have little-to-no interest in makeup, jewelry, etc. Keep this in mind for a moment.

The other day, Older Daughter was packing up an order of tankards for shipment. This meant pulling together the various components needed for shipping: Newspapers, strapping tape, boxes, bubble wrap, etc.

Slipping the roll of strapping tape over her wrist for convenience as she taped up boxes, she suddenly asked us, "Have you heard of the Balenciaga bracelet?"

Neither Don nor I had heard of the Balenciaga bracelet, so she urged us to look it up online. And do you know what we saw? Strapping tape. Literally, a bracelet made to look like a roll of strapping tape.

And not just any strapping tape. This is strapping tape with a $4,000 price tag.

"High-end fashion brands have a reputation for coming up with the most unique ideas for their products," this article diplomatically phrased it. "This time, luxury fashion brand Balenciaga which is often in the news for its quirky products, launched a bracelet that looks exactly like a tape. The product looks like a regular roll of clear tape, however, it is branded with the Balenciaga logo and adhesive."

Now I realize most fashion novelties are not likely to become mainstream. I doubt many cutting-edge stylish women in, say, New York City will be walking down the street with a roll of strapping tape on their wrists.

But still, I have to admit: This is stupid, even by fashion's bizarre definition of what's fashionable. If nothing else, a roll of strapping tape is heavy.

I'm not the only one who finds it stupid. From the article: "The product has left internet users shocked, who are mercilessly mocking it on social media websites.  One user wrote on X, 'The luxury fashion house Balenciaga has once again sparked debate with its latest accessory, a bracelet designed to resemble a roll of clear tape, complete with the brand's logo and a hefty price tag of approximately $4,000! This is just insane.'"

And another:  "Several users criticized the brand and its attempts at turning regular household items into fashion accessories with massive price tags. Another person wrote, 'I swear this whole brand is just a big inside joke.'"

And so, because the Lewis family is deeply into frugality, we'd like to present: The Lewis bracelet.

You, too, can experience the height of cutting-edge fashion at a mere fraction of the price!

Follow me for more fashion advice.

Funniest snark I ever got

Sorry for the silence, dear readers. Between NaNoWriMo and my usual work week, things have been busy.

I wanted to share a snark I got, which I believe qualifies for one of the most hilarious criticisms I ever received.

Remember my blog post about the $73,000 used pickup truck for sale? Well, I wrote more extensively about it here and received a number of comments on it. One comment was as follows:

"It's his money. He can do what he wants with it. Let's have a look in your closet and see what you've spent on clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc."

I read this comment out loud to Don, and we both laughed. And I mean we howled, clutching our sides with mirth. What I spend on "clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc." is a riot.

So, dear readers, I thought I would take you on a short tour of these typical feminine weaknesses.

This is our closet (yes, our; we don't have separate closets):

This is "my side" of the closet. It consists of my 33-year-old wedding dress (bagged on the right), my church clothes (same skirt/shirt combo I wear every week, winter or summer), two coats (one lighter, one heaver), and a sweater. There's also a backpack hanging from a hanger I use when we take long hikes with the dog.

This is my dresser. It holds socks, underwear, shorts, T-shirts, and sweatpants. This is the extent of my entire wardrobe.

These are my shoes: slippers, sneakers, church shoes, and sandals. I bought the slippers new; all the rest came from thrift stores. Not shown: I also have a pair of snow boots (thrift store) and mud boots (new).

These are my everyday clothes: daily work clothes on the right, evening-after-shower clothes on the left.

This is my jewelry box, a nifty little thing I bought in 1984 at a craft show.

My jewelry is purely costume jewelry, and much of that dates back to my high school and college years. I never wear jewelry these days; most of what's in my jewelry box is kept for sentimental reasons.

So no, my vices do not include "clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc." In fact, I suffer from an incurable form of "clothing blindness."

Now books ....... Okay, that's a whole different matter.

I guess everyone has a weakness. At least I didn't spend $73,000 on them.

Clothing blindness

Recently I plucked a book off the shelf I hadn't read in a long time: "30 Days to a Simpler Life" by Connie Cox and Cris Evatt.

Re-reading this book was amusing simply because it's so dated. Published in 1998, it touches on the marvels of a newfangled form of communication called "email" and other trendy technology.

The book goes through all the usual simplicity advice popular in the 1990s, including a great deal of guidance on how to handle one's packed wardrobe and cleaning out one's overstuffed clothes closet and otherwise minimizing one's overflowing clothing options. Once the surplus is weeded out (we are advised), then the pared-down closet can be organized efficiently into categories such as skirts, shirts, slacks, blouses, scarves, belts, accessories, shoes, handbags, and other so-called necessities.

I found this advice both hilarious and unnecessary for a very simple reason: I have clothing blindness.

What do I mean by clothing blindness? It means I am utterly indifferent to fashion. It is invisible to me. I literally never notice what someone is wearing. Clothes bore me to the nth degree. It's been that way for as long as I can remember.

My wardrobe consists of the following:

• Black T-shirts

• Gray sweat pants

• White socks

• Thrift-store sneakers

• One pair of sandals

• One skirt/blouse combo for church (worn both summer and winter)

• A couple pairs of shorts

• One each of necessary winter wear (sweater/gloves/heavy coat/scarf/boots/etc.)

And that's it. I have a few more clothes, but they were packed away during the move and I haven't seen them in two years, so I may as well not own them.

I wear the same thing day after day. I have "day" clothes (for dirty work) and nearly identical "evening clothes" for after I've showered. I wear my clothes, literally, until they're rags (I wash them, of course), at which point I toss them in the burn barrel and move onto another identical set of T-shirts and sweatpants. Isn't it great?

To my way of thinking, that's the ideal thing about living the home-based rural lifestyle we do: I never have to think about clothes. I don't have to impress anyone. I don't have to dress for an office environment. I can utterly indulge in my innate clothing blindness.

As for what others wear ... well, I suppose I'd notice if you were wearing something outlandishly inappropriate, but outside of that I wouldn't pay any attention. If you were to tell me "Quick! Close your eyes and describe what I'm wearing," I couldn't do it. My husband is sitting behind me at his computer at this moment, and unless I turn around and specifically look, I couldn't tell you what he's wearing. His clothes are always worn by the man I love, so who cares what they look like? (Ironically, he can easily tell you what I'm wearing: a black T-shirt, gray sweatpants, and thrift-store sneakers. Easy peasy.)

Clothing blindness. It's a real thing.

Old-fashioned solution to a modern problem

Last Christmas, Younger Daughter received a graphics tablet as a gift in order to encourage her artistic and graphic design skills. A tablet is a gizmo that allows you to draw freehand on an electronic pad (tablet), and the drawing appears on a computer screen where you can use computer-enhanced features to modify the drawing (shading, coloring, etc.).

Anyway, suffice it to say she loves her tablet and has spent countless hours working with it. Unfortunately it's led to one problem: bad posture.

Tsk. Naughty naughty.

Younger Daughter is perfectly aware that her posture needs work, but when she's caught up in the intricacies of a particularly detailed drawing, she just doesn't think about it. As a result, she's been getting a sore back.

So when she spotted (of all things) a CORSET in a thrift store a few weeks ago, she snatched it up.

This isn't a shape-enhancing corset. No, this is a medicinal corset. She knows this because she did a little research on the manufacturer.

The company is still in business, and specializes in custom-made prostheses for amputee patients. Younger Daughter learned that the company used to made medicinal corsets for -- get this -- back pain. Her particular corset was probably made in the late 30s or early 40s.

It's easy to hook on and adjust with side straps.

Front view:

Side view:

Now when she sits at her computer, her posture is vastly improved.

Who'd a thunk that such an old-fashioned archaic solution would work so well? Go figure!

My glamorous life

In response to the snarky email I got the other day accusing me of being full of pride, reader A.McSp quipped, "See?? I knew you were just in it for the glamor!! You're so busted you big ol' diva you! LOL!!! It must have been the fancy manicures that gave it away. snrk snrk snrrrrrrrk!"

She's right, of course. My life here on the farm is glamorous beyond all comprehension. Join me as I give you a taste of my glamorous life.

My glamorous day job: mucking out the barn. This also leaves me covered with my favorite perfume, Eau de vache.

In this glamorous life, I subscribe to high fashion. Here's my glamorous footware. Thrift store, $6.

My special occasion footwear. Très chic, non?

My glamorous jewelry. Don and the girls bought this for me last month, and I love it. How many times have I worn it? Zero. Farm life is tough on jewelry.

My glamorous hands. Do you like my manicure?

Our home tends to be a home of projects. Music projects. Writing projects. Cooking projects. Tankard projects. Canning projects. Schoolwork projects. Even reading "projects."

What this means is the accouterments of these projects get scattered everywhere. Music. Computers. Kitchen mess. Tankards in various stages. Canning implements. Schoolbooks and papers. And of course books galore.

My glamorous kitchen, recently featured in Architectural Digest.

Some of my glamorous coworkers, Raven and Shadow. Notice the glamorous office décor in front, the ginormous manure pile.

My glamorous wardrobe, mostly consisting of fashionably distressed T-shirts and sweatpants.

My glamorous corner office... tucked in a corner between the stove and the toaster oven.

My glamorous pet.

So there you have it. Thanks for joining me on my glamour tour!

The future of men's fashions?

As you all know, I get an enormous kick out of (cough) "cutting edge" fashion. Here's a Yahoo article entitled I've Seen the Future of Men's Fashion and I'm Afraid. Apparently the Yahoo author is also amused by high fashion.

Here's what Yahoo wrote as an introduction to the fashion show: This week, menswear designers took a giant step for all mankind. Now they might want to take a few baby steps back. The London Men's Collection, a week-long preview of cutting edge collections for the Fall/Winter 2013-2014 season, is supposed to offer a glimpse into the future of menswear. Instead it was a harbinger of a fashion apocalypse. Wooden face barricades, toxic waste jumpsuits, and strapless dresses worn by dour male pixies. Ladies, meet your new stylish man. He's your worst nightmare and he knows it.

Without further ado, please consider adding these fashions to your wardrobe collection. Remember, this is MENSWEAR. All of it.

Nanook of the North, anyone?

Notice what his shirt says: "Please kill me." I wonder if the model wrote that?

I guess oven mitts are now in style.

The Yahoo author was particular taken with the models' glum expressions. Can't blame them.

See, this is what I don't understand about high fashion -- the designers know good and well no one in their right mind would ever wear anything this stooopid. I mean, c'mon -- boards over your head? Giganto oven mitts? Why design it in the first place? What am I missing? My husband speculates that the designers must have a lot of personal problems.

For additional edification, here are a few comments left at the end of this Yahoo presentation:

"My eyes! Oh God, my eyes!"

"My brain just crawled out of my skull and hung itself."

"Don't you hate going to poker night with the guys and finding out one of them is wearing the same minidress as you?"

"OH, NO, NO - PLEASE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"There is not enough $$$ in the world to make me wear that #$%$!"

"Perfect for the guy who wants to say "kick my as,s please" without actually saying anything."

"This is why I decided not to go to fashion school. My designs were too normal."

Anyway, folks, this is your chuckle du jour. Now excuse me while I don my Carhartts and mud boots and go feed the cattle.

And don't call me Sweetness

Got another snark today. This one was on an older post (January 2011) called Country Fashions for Men in which I poked fun at some manly rural-themed fashions then being shown on the runway.

This person wrote: I have lived in L.A, NYC, PARIS and I have never seen a man dress like that in my life, so please keep the sanctimonious "country people are better" BS attitude to yourself sweetness. No one in the city would wear this either, so I guess that makes us more equal than you could ever stomach.

I read this comment out loud to the family, and we all chuckled. But then my husband got curious. Just what IS currently fashionable out there these days? Not on the runway, but on the street? Don found a website called Street Peeper which features real-life fashions in various cities in the U.S. and around the world. Some samples:

Don called these the Sponge Bob Square Pants look:

I dunno, I just think all this looks weird.

It's funny... I post on all sorts of different subjects, but the one area where I routinely get frothing-at-the-mouth furious comments is when I poke fun at fashion. Go figure.

So -- to those who take fashion seriously, please understand that I don't. And while you're always welcome on my blog, you'll have to accept the fact that I'm going to find humor in the subject.

However, consider what I wrote in an earlier blog post: I suppose I can't get down too hard on fashion and makeup sites. There's nothing illegal or immoral about them. They feed huge international industries that employ millions. And women have taken an interest in fashion and makeup since the dawn of civilization, so my sour grapes doesn't change that historical fact. I guess my concern is when women become so obsessed with the shallow to the exclusion of the serious, it makes me concerned that they won't be able to handle anything BUT the shallow. On the other hand, I suppose I shouldn't worry. Scarlet O'Hara started shallow and look how she pulled off handling a war.

So for those whom I’ve offended because of my views on fashion, I tender my apologies. But I’m not gonna stop poking fun. If that will continue to offend, then you may prefer to read one of the many different blogs on the internet that focuses on fashion.

And please don't call me sweetness.