Advice for old age + upcoming blog silence

Dear readers, I ask your pardon in advance for the upcoming blog silence.

You see, Younger Daughter just arrived from her overseas duty station for a brief visit (she departs next week). Older Daughter, as you know, is already here. And now my parents have flown up as well. We're having an early Christmas and enjoying a wonderful family reunion. I'm not even going to bother with the blog for a few days while we enjoy our family time.

Meanwhile I'll leave you with some "Advice for Old Age" sent by reader Ken, which I enjoyed very much.

See you next week!

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Advice for Old Age

(Between 65 and death)

1. It's time to use the money you saved up. Use it and enjoy it. Don't just keep it for those who may have no notion of the sacrifices you made to get it. Remember there is nothing more dangerous than a son or daughter-in-law with big ideas for your hard-earned capital. Warning: This is also a bad time for investments, even if it seems wonderful or fool-proof. They only bring problems and worries. This is a time for you to enjoy some peace and quiet.

2. Stop worrying about the financial situation of your children and grandchildren, and don't feel bad spending your money on yourself. You've taken care of them for many years, and you've taught them what you could. You gave them an education, food, shelter and support. The responsibility is now theirs to earn their own money. (Don't forget there are charitable organizations that are always helping others in need, give some to them, but check them out first to make sure it is really being used appropriately.)

3. Keep a healthy life, without great physical effort. Do moderate exercise (like walking every day), eat well, and get your sleep. It's easy to become sick, and it gets harder to remain healthy. That is why you need to keep yourself in good shape and be aware of your medical and physical needs.

4. Always buy the best and most beautiful items for your significant other. The key goal is to enjoy your money with your partner. One day one of you will miss the other, and the money will not provide any comfort then. Enjoy it together.

5. Don't stress over the little things. You've already overcome so much in your life. You have good memories and bad ones, but the important thing is the present. Don't let the past drag you down and don't let the future frighten you. Feel good in the now. Small issues will soon be forgotten.

6. Regardless of age, always keep love alive. Love your partner, love life, love your family, love your neighbor. And remember: A man is not old as long as he has intelligence and affection.

7. Be proud, both inside and out. Don't stop going to your hair salon or barber, do your nails, go to the dermatologist and the dentist, keep your perfumes and creams well stocked. When you are well-maintained on the outside, it seeps in, making you feel good and strong.

8. Don't lose sight of fashion trends for your age, but keep your own sense of style. There's nothing worse than an older person trying to wear the current fashion among youngsters. You've developed your own sense of what looks good on you – keep it and be proud of it. It's part of who you are.

9. Always stay up-to-date. Read newspapers, watch the news. Go online and read what people are saying. Make sure you have an active email account and try to use some of those social networks. You'll be surprised what old friends you'll meet. Keeping in touch with what is going on and with the people you know is important at any age.

10. Respect the younger generation and their opinions. They may not have the same ideals as you, but they are the future, and will take the world in their direction. Give advice, not criticism, and try to remind them that yesterday's wisdom still applies today.

11. Never use the phrase "In my time." Your time is now. As long as you're alive, you are part of this time. You may have been younger, but you are still you now, having fun and enjoying life.

12. Some people embrace their golden years, while others become bitter and surly. Life is too short to waste your days on the latter. Spend your time with positive, cheerful people. It will rub off on you, and your days will seem that much better. Spending your time with bitter people will make you older and harder to be around.

13. Do not surrender to the temptation of living with your children or grandchildren (if you have a financial choice, that is). Sure, being surrounded by family sounds great, but we all need our privacy. They need theirs and you need yours. If you've lost your partner (our deepest condolences), then find a person to move in with you and help out. Even then, do so only if you feel you really need the help or do not want to live alone. God said "It is not good for man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18)

14. Don't abandon your hobbies. If you don't have any, make new ones. You can travel, hike, cook, read, dance. You can adopt a cat or a dog, grow a garden, play cards, checkers, chess, dominoes, golf. You can paint, volunteer or just collect certain items. Find something you like and spend some real time having fun with it.

15. Even if you don't feel like it, try to accept invitations – baptisms, graduations, birthdays, weddings, conferences. Try to go. Get out of the house, meet people you haven't seen in a while, experience something new (or something old). But don't get upset when you're not invited. Some events are limited by resources, and not everyone can be hosted. The important thing is to leave the house from time to time. Go to museums, go walk through a field. Get out there.

16. Be a conversationalist. Talk less and listen more. Some people go on and on about the past, not caring if their listeners are really interested. That's a great way of reducing their desire to speak with you. Listen first and answer questions, but don't go off into long stories unless asked to. Speak in courteous tones and try not to complain or criticize too much. Try to accept situations as they are. Everyone is going through the same things, and people have a low tolerance for hearing complaints. Always find some good things to say as well.

17. Pain and discomfort go hand in hand with getting older. Try not to dwell on them, but accept them as a part of the cycle of life we're all going through. Try to minimize them in your mind. They are not who you are, they are something that life added to you. If they become your entire focus, you lose sight of the person you used to be.

18. If you've been offended by someone – forgive them. If you've offended someone – apologize. Don't drag around resentment with you. It only serves to make you sad and bitter. It doesn't matter who was right. Someone once said: "Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die." Don't take that poison. Forgive, forget and move on with your life.

19. If you have a strong belief, savor it. But don't waste your time trying to convince others. They will make their own choices no matter what you tell them, and it will only bring you frustration. Live your faith and set an example. Live true to your beliefs and let that memory sway them. As St. Francis said, "Preach the Good News (Gospel) at all times, and if necessary, use words."

20. Laugh a lot. Laugh at everything. Remember, you are one of the lucky ones. You managed to have a life, a long one. Many never get to this age and never get to experience a full life. But you did. So what's not to laugh about? Find the humor in your situation.

21. Take no notice of what others say about you and even less notice of what they might be thinking. They'll do it anyway, and you should have pride in yourself and what you've achieved. Let them talk and don't worry. They have no idea about your history, your memories and the life you've lived so far. There's still much to be written, so get busy writing and don't waste time thinking about what others might think. Now is the time to be at rest, at peace and as happy as you can be!

And remember: Life is too short to drink bad wine or eat bad food!

Roots and wings

A reader just sent me these immortal words from Goethe:

There are two things children should get from their parents: roots and wings.

Beautifully stated.

Always be kinder than necessary

There was a poignant column by Larry Elder on WND today entitled "My apology to my junkyard dawg dad." It revealed the hardship and sacrifice behind his father's rages and beatings. Please, go read the column. It's worth it.

But it was one of the comments at the end that struck me. A fellow wrote,

Larry Elder's father is a superb reason all of us--ALL of us!--need to be mindful how we treat others and keep our judgements in check. "Always be kinder than necessary...." After all, we never know what private Hells people are battling that we cannot see. The rude waitress may only have been rude that day--was she grappling with a family tragedy and trying to do her job at the same time? Give the benefit of doubt when dealing with family, friends and strangers...(just don't be a fool about it and put oneself in danger with the obvious troublemakers!)

ALWAYS BE KINDER THAN NECESSARY.

I can think of innumerable times when I was ruder than necessary to those who were rude to me. Or of times when I was just plain rude, period, to those who certainly didn't deserve it. Thinking back, it makes my cheeks burn in embarrassment. Haven't we all had those moments?

Such simple words, aren't they? Always be kinder than necessary. After all, this person is correct -- we never know what's going on in someone else's life that could be causing them to act unpleasantly.

I'll try.

Tidbits

A friend has been sending me little clips he's finding on Facebook, which I think are great.

Some stuff to think about

A friend sent this to me. It's one of those "make you think" series of anecdotes making its way around the internet.
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Five Lessons About the Way We Treat People

1. Cleaning Lady

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

“What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?”

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

“Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say ‘hello.’”

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. Pickup in the Rain

One night at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway, trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance, and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.

Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read:

“Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole”

3. Always Remember Those Who Serve

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

“How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4. The Obstacles in our Path

In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it.. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand: Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5. Giving When it Counts

Many years ago when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her five-year-old brother who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her."

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor. He thought he was going to have to give his sister ALL of his blood in order to save her.

"It is impossible to explain anything to people who are so ignorant that they don’t even know they are ignorant."

Here is an excellent collection of pithy observations on life, the universe, and everything. It's a huge read, but very entertaining and thought-provoking!

A few gems:

Many in prominent positions are only good at being prominent.

If it is simple a bureaucrat will hate it.

Most people who have screwed up their lives have done so because they wouldn’t listen to anyone. Now they want everyone to fix it for them. Just so long as you don’t you dare to ask them to make any changes.

No one is ever at fault! Just ask them.

The sure fire way to become a loser:

1. Ignore traditional values.
2. Abuse your mind and body with illegal drugs or booze.
3. Watch movies and listen to music that is morally degrading.
4. Constantly be self absorbed.
5. Never think of others.
6. Be easily offended. This way no one will ever be willing to step forward and try to help you for fear of offending you.
7. Find fault with everyone and everything.
8. Constantly be negative.
9. Nothing is your fault.
10. Nothing is your responsibility.
11. Hang around with people just like this.
12. Most importantly, refuse to work.

No act of unkindness can be undone. No unkind word can be taken back. No apology can entirely heal a stab to the heart. Just as with a gouged piece of furniture, the scar will remain forever.

Good decision making and happy memories go hand in hand.

Thinking quick on my feet

My eleven-year-old daughter stopped me dead in my tracks earlier this week with an interesting question. "Mom, what's 'lust'?"

She was genuinely interested. True to my habit of being forthright with information when asked, I knew I had to come up with an answer. But sheesh, how do you explain lust to an eleven-year-old who has never attended public school and who doesn't watch television?

I had one of those rare, brilliant moments and came up with the following answer:

"Lust is what the bull feels for the cow when she's in heat. He doesn't love her; he simply wants to mate her."

My farm-bred daughter accepted this with nonchalance. But my curiosity got the better of me. "Where did you hear the term 'lust'?" I asked her, since that word is not in our daily vocabulary.

It turns out she had come across a list of the Seven Deadly Sins (lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride). Ah, enlightenment.

Let's hear it for the crackpots

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'

The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.