What on earth is in my shoe?

I think it's something of a primal fear: inserting one's foot into the dark depths of a shoe, only to feel something that shouldn't be there.

The other morning I came downstairs, yawning, and sat down to put on my shoes and socks.

But when I inserted a foot into one of my battered sneakers, I felt something wet and lumpy and definitely foreign. I yanked out my foot instantly.

Fetching a flashlight, I peered into the shoe and saw:

Okay, 'tis the season to get little frogs in the house. I guess this guy thought he had a nice cozy cave and didn't appreciate a gigantic invader trying to squash him. I put the visitor outside.

I also put on my sandals for the time being. My sneaker had to dry.

What's the weirdest thing you've found in a shoe?

Really really stoooopid shoes

As longtime readers may remember, I get a huge kick out of "fashionable" footwear for women. Living on a farm, nearly my entire shoe repertoire consists of sneakers, mud boots, and... well, sneakers and mud boots. (I also have some semi-decent flats for church wear.)

So whenever I see impractical high-heels that are so de rigueur among the fashionable set, I laugh since nothing but sneakers or mud boots would last above thirty minutes where we live.

Anyway, doubtless you've already seen this extreme and ultimate example of really really stooooopid shoes.

Sometimes fashion leaves me sputtering with disbelief, and this is why.

On the other hand, I fully realize these aren't, ahem, meant for everyday use and were simply created to make a point (no pun intended).

In this case, the shoes were designed by South African student artist Leanie van der Vyver as a "critique on the fashion industry's quest for perfection." She apparently designed the pair as a graduation project from the Gerrit Rietveld Academie in Amsterdam.

"I wrote my Thesis about how humans have been playing God with their bodies," said Leanie, "constantly searching for the ultimate perfection and I discovered that this perfection has reached a climax in the fashion and beauty industry. Heels can not get higher any higher."

She's right, of course. Although I might add, she might visit a ballet studio some day, as dancers use toe shoes all the time that achieve the same purpose with with a lot less agony.

If you want to see real agony, click on this link to see the shoes in action.

"Leanie's avant-garde design might seem extreme," concludes the article, "but they join a growing list of the out-there designs adored by eccentric celebrities like Lady Gaga, including Noritaka Tatehana's heel-less shoes to Alexander McQueen's gravity-defying creations."

I think I'll stick to sneakers and mud boots.

The American Idol culture

We've had our friend GG (who is almost 17) with us for the two weeks of her Easter vacation from boarding school. In an effort to entertain the poor kid beyond our usual daily routine of farm chores, schoolwork, reading, housecleaning, etc., we've taken a few excursions into the city just for jollies.

If you think an extended stay on a farm is boring, just try finding something to do in a city that doesn't require large outlays of cash. We've actually wandered through two malls just for slips and giggles, and all four of us (myself, Older and Younger Daughter, and GG) find ourselves agog at the awfulness of them. Rather than energized and refreshed, we come away foot-sore and critical -- even GG, who is a self-described confirmed urbanite.

One moment was pretty funny. We walked into a mall and stopped at the Mall Directory to get our bearings. "We have to go THIS way," said Older Daughter. "Or is it THAT way?" I replied. We got our bearings and started walking, after which I said to Younger Daughter, "That's it. This confirms us as a bunch of country bumpkins."

As usual, our biggest chuckles came from shoe fashions. I confess, current trendy women's shoe fashions just floor me. I mean, really... why would anyone wear these? And how do they do it? It's like walking around on tippy-toe all day. Ouch.

The girls decided they had to try on a pair. So while GG was occupied in looking for a pair of sensible flats (which was the reason we were in this shoe store to begin with), Older and Younger Daughter each slipped on a pair of heels. Then balancing carefully and pulling themselves upright with the help of the shelving units, they paused long enough for me to take a picture before collapsing back on the bench. Phew, what an ordeal!

(Momentary digression: On the other hand, these shoe fashions are certainly no weirder than what's gracing fashion catwalks these days, such as: Bricks on the feet...

...and an urban interpretation of the Wild West. The caption reads: "Suffer for your art: The heels can only be worn for several hours at a time before becoming too uncomfortable."

Okay, end of digression.)

We paused by a store selling "nail art" and agreed the results liked like pretty and decorative vampire claws or something. We also speculated on what it would be like to milk a cow with these things on. Poor cow.

I took special note of a store targeted specifically at little girls...

...because of how outrageously fluorescent this year's fashions appear to be. No sneaking through the woods watching deer in these colors!

The, um, "messages" displayed in shop windows are questionable at best. (And this doesn't even include the Victoria's Secret windows, which we passed in a hurry with eyes averted).

(Oddly the most interesting store we encountered -- and I'm kicking myself for not taking photos -- was a store selling... reptiles. Yes, really. It was a large place with many display cases selling everything from chameleons to pythons to turtles to tarantulas (yes I'm aware tarantulas are not reptiles, duh) to anoles to iguanas. It was like wandering into a small zoo. The display cases were beautiful and everything was nicely maintained, squeaky clean, and fascinating. Why on earth a store like this was located in a mall, and what volume of business they must get, can only be surmised.)

The rare trips to these cultural icons confirmed my low opinion of malls. To me, they're the epitome of an "American Idol culture," full of shallow and vain interests. Once in awhile this country bumpkin mama needs confirmation that raising kids in the country isn't such a bad thing.

Malls also reinforced the stupidity of fashion trends in general. In the past, readers have sent me stuff that would make your eyeballs bleed.

Consider these: Mantyhose... designed for "warmth and comfort."

The article mentions these trendy items are also called "brosiery," "guylons," "he-tards," and "beau-hose" -- and assure the appalled reader that "Function over form may be the truest drive behind the sales" since "figures that show sales are strongest in some of the world's coldest countries."

Or consider these: Manties. Yes, that's manly panties.

Somehow coupled with all this nonsense pop culture fashion, it didn't surprise me to stumble upon this horrifying article about a Toddlers & Tiaras mother who modeled a G-string in front of her two-year-old daughter to help her become "culturally diverse."

Apparently this woman -- a mother of four -- was being photographed for a racy calendar and insisted her daughter watch the shoot. She told the photographer, "My style of parenting is extremely different. I think exposing your child to whatever you can is just a really great way to be culturally diverse."

The mother also said, "She know, and has full comprehension of how the business works. She has a vast understanding that some seven-year-olds, six-year-olds don't have." She also believes her daughter is more like a 17-year-old than a toddler. Way to mess up your kid, lady.

The implications of this woman's actions and the repercussions it will have on her children are absolutely beyond belief.

You see, to me this whole fashion thing is just a continuum. The stuff we see in malls is at one end; the (cough) "mother" who sticks her naked butt in her toddler's face in the name of "diversity" is at the other end.

In the end, it's the children who suffer. And those children will grow into adults who think this stuff is normal.

Okay, I'm done ranting.

Manly fashions

So yesterday the girls and I were on our way into the city. We had just turned onto the county road heading toward town when a truck passed us. It was packed to the rafters with firewood, and had a skinned elk on top.

Well, this is north Idaho. What else did you expect?

The driver was a young man, perhaps mid-30's, wearing a plaid flannel shirt, suspenders, and sporting a neatly trimmed beard. He looked friendly and confident, just an ordinary guy providing for his family by bringing home both the firewood and the meat for winter.

Now fast forward to this morning. I'm reading the news online. I saw an article entitled High Heels for Men are On the Rise. Huh? Curious, I clicked on the article and promptly spewed my tea across the keyboard. (Warning: Do NOT continue reading until you've swallowed what's in your mouth.)

According to the article: "[T]he resulting looks are far from the Priscilla Queen of the Desert-esque drag styles that are so often associated with men in heels. Luke Nero, a promoter at Mr Black club in LA, told the New York Times: 'I went to a loft party yesterday, and there was a guy in normal shorts, normal tank and really hot red pumps. That’s it! Everyone was like, "Oh my God, I love those shoes!"'

Oooh, a man in "really hot red pumps." My kind of guy! I expect tomorrow he'll don those fabulous shoes and go hunt for elk and chainsaw some logs for firewood!

Also from the article, no kidding, is this quote: "Sean Wagner, 23, from LA told the paper: 'I never leave the house with less than eight inches on my feet... It helps you see over the cattle.'"

You're telling a country woman who owns cattle...that these heels help you see over the cattle. Sign me up. No, sign my husband up.

A fan of these shoe styles for men assures us, "It’s a power thing. You’re higher than everybody else. You make more sound. You walk a different way. It makes your legs look better."

I've poked fun at fashion before (notably here, here, here, here, here, here, and here). But what can I say? Stuff like this leaves me speechless.

Okay, I lied. It didn't leave me speechless. But I'll simply conclude by saying, I prefer men who look, act, and dress like MEN.

Give me a guy who can tromp through the woods and provide for his family over someone mincing around at a party in eight-inch heels any day.

Gack. Now excuse me, I have to clean my keyboard.

Enjoying Portland

I came here to Portland a day early because originally I had a radio interview scheduled for yesterday, though it was rescheduled for today. NOTE: This morning from 8:00 to 8:30 am (Pacific), I'll be on The Dove Morning Show out of Medford, Oregon (my old stomping grounds!) with hosts Perry Atkinson and Polina Yemelyanova. (Hope you can tune in!)

Anyway, because I got here so early, my friend Wendy and I spent much of yesterday in a coffee shop, writing. This is always a huge treat for me because there's something so wonderful about the camaraderie of sitting with a friend in such an environment -- and we don't live anywhere near a coffee shop in Idaho.

The shop was right near a huge two-story Barnes & Noble.

At one point, while stretching my legs (and more than a little curious), I went into the store to see if they had my book. And they did!

In fact, the book was facing out which, I'm told by Wendy (who knows more about these things than I do), is a good thing. Makes sense, doesn't it, that a book which has a cover facing out will catch the eye more than a spine facing out?

After we finished our writing, Wendy insisted I go in and ask if I could sign the books, which I did. Then the clerk gave me a business card for the correct contact person to arrange a booksigning. It looks like I'll be doing some publicity stuff in Portland in late October or early November -- a couple of booksignings (Powell's, Barnes & Noble) and possibly some morning television shows. I'll keep everyone appraised!

Anyway afterward we walked briefly through the mall attached to the Barnes & Noble. I seldom see the inside of malls anymore, so this is always fascinating -- especially the bizarre shoe fashions, which gave me a good chuckle.

I always try to imagine wearing these around the farm. Mucking out the barn, anyone? Cleaning the chicken coop? Weeding?

Late yesterday evening Wendy and I took a long walk with her dog around the adjacent neighborhood. She and her husband live right next to an old neighborhood of drop-dead beautiful homes, and half the pleasure of walking the dog is looking at the homes.

As I write this, we're sitting in a different coffee shop not too far from her house, which has internet access as well as this amusing announcement:

A few moments after posting this, I'll be returning to her place and getting ready for my radio interview, which I'll do from their basement.

This afternoon will be my first day of tankard sales. Wendy's husband Tim will be helping me. The weather this weekend is supposed to be perfect -- mid-70's, sunny -- nothing like the hideous 105F we had a couple years ago. Cross your fingers that we have good sales!

Random pix

Some early morning fog.

Arrow-leaf balsam root in bloom. These are big showy flowers that pop up all over the place this time of year.

The river in a nearby town is near flood level from a combination of heavy rain and melting snow pack in the mountains.

Compare this to the same dock I snapped last fall. The entire dock is underwater in the photo above -- only the tall poles are visible.

Beaver damage by the river's edge. These are BIG trees too, about two feet across. Methinks the beaver bit off more than he can chew in this case. Unfortunately he's killed a number of trees along this stretch of bank.

Our county hospital is undergoing an expansion and has a huge construction zone that has blocked off one street, including one of the entrances to the post office.

Last week when I went into the post office, I confess I stood absorbed for a couple of minutes and just watched the heavy equipment at work. When I came back out of the post office, I noted with amusement that some thoughtful soul had provided a convenient chair for those wanting to just sit and watch the construction.

More seeds in pots in the greenhouse.

I went to Spokane last Friday to do some (ug) clothes shopping. On the way I passed this idyllic scene.

The route takes me past a gorgeous vista of the Palouse.

I was shopping exclusively in thrift stores, of course. Here I saw some of the wackiest footwear imaginable. They looked positively tortuous, in fact. It always cracks me up to imagine wearing this kind of stuff around the farm.

Jet and her yearling steer calf Nebuchadnezzar share a salt block.