Since we seem to be getting ready to start getting our firewood together for the soon-to-be-arriving winter (and to relieve the embarrassment of my VERY beautiful wife over her last post), I've decided to provide you all with my sage advice on wood cutting. It was published somewhere or other a couple of years ago. Hope it helps.
____________________________
One of the most basic and fundamental skills needed by anyone aspiring to a Country Lifestyle is that of the wood butcher or firewood cutter. Firewood and its timely gathering is of extreme importance not only in keeping a warm home, but also in showing your neighbors who you are.
Out here in Northern Idaho, most everyone uses wood heat, either as a secondary source or in many cases as the only means of keeping the house and shop warm during the cold nine months of the year. The correct display of your firewood is also important. A full wood shed, or stack upon stack of cut and split wood, tells your neighbors that you “get it.” You understand country living.
Now I can hear you out there, your whiney, smog-roughened voices crying out, “I want to be thought of that way, Don! I want to be a real woodsman!” Of course you do. And who wouldn’t? And as usual, I’m here to help. I promise that if you will heed the following words of wisdom, you too will be able to hold your head (or some other remaining appendage) up proudly in the presence of real woodsmen with country names like Stumpy, Lefty, or One-Eyed Pete.
First of all, let me dispel a couple of the old saws (get it? saws? Oh I’m good!) that you may have heard in your soon-to-be pre-country life. The most famous of the old sayings is undoubtedly “Heating with wood warms you twice,” referring not only to the burning but the cutting as well.
What nonsense. If you do it right, firewood will warm you at least six or seven times. By the time you’ve hauled your saw to the woods, realized that the chain is still dull from cutting all that roofing tin last year, gone back to the truck for a file, sharpened the saw while balancing it on an old stump, started cutting only to run out of gas (back to the truck for the can), realized that the log you are working on is either too heavy to turn (where’s the peavey?) or hollow and full of yellow jackets (a full-tilt run while shucking off all your clothing can be quite warming)…well, you’ve already got at least three or four good heats without even getting a stick into the truck. My friend and neighbor Percival Hughs claims that one time he got 27 warms out of a single batch of firewood, but he’s a professional and seasoned woodsman and therefore should not be trusted.
When should you start collecting firewood for the next year? Many of my friends start cutting firewood for the next year before they’ve even finished burning the current season’s supply. Others cut small amounts throughout the year, stacking their cords from youngest to oldest, then burning that wood in the same order, beginning with the oldest cut and therefore the driest wood.
Me? I usually begin cutting my winter’s firewood about two or three days after the first snow fall. Wait until your wife starts to complain about frost forming on the house plants or the dogs having to break through a crust of ice on the indoor water bowl. This delay adds a certain immediacy to the job that is quite bracing (see, another chance for a warming!). Unlike my lazy neighbors, I don’t mind doing concentrated, some might even say frenzied labor. After all, while they are all out lolly-gagging around, hunting elk or ice fishing, I can be found (sometimes with the aid of a search party) slogging though two or three feet of snow, trying to guess if the next mound of snow in my path is a downed tree or a hibernating bear.
So far you may have noticed that all we’ve talked about are logs that are already on the ground. While this is, in my opinion, their preferred state, occasionally dead or dying trees need to be helped to attain the horizontal.
Tree felling has been described as a difficult and dangerous profession requiring great skill and experience. But this is an exaggeration at best. After all, a tree is really nothing more than a vegetable; a multi-ton, 100-foot-high carrot, if you will. Since gravity and power tools are our friends in this endeavor, getting that carrot on the ground is not difficult. The trick is making sure that the tree falls where you want it to.
Old time tree-fallers (understandably rare) spend years learning to recognize the subtle “tells” of the tree: the asymmetrical growth, prevailing winds, root structure and the like. With this information and years of experience, they can put the tree on the ground within inches of where they will tell you afterwards that they meant for it to fall. If you have the time and no other visible means of support, this is an OK way to determine fall.
But if you’re in a hurry for a rosily glowing wood stove (because its 15 below zero, your hands are numb to the elbow, and the dogs are eying your ice fishing saw), there is a much faster way to determine where your future firewood will fall.
First, eye all possible ways that the tree could fall. Then make sure you have a “safe” line of retreat. Make your initial cuts in alignment with the direction you wish the tree to fall. Make your fall, and prepare to start cutting firewood.
This process will be made much easier by the fact that your truck will now be acting (to the best of its ability) as a sawhorse under the newly fallen tree. I don't know what it is; a tree can be leaning 45 degrees from the horizontal and will make a 180 sweep while falling to land on a truck. Possibly some kind of magnetism; but please note: when I say “your truck,” of course I mean “not my truck.” My truck was unaccountably un-start-able just before I went to cut firewood, necessitating the borrowing of your truck.
Since most country folk never bother to take their keys out of their vehicles when they park them, the available supply of borrow-able vehicles is only limited by the distance to the next neighbor’s house. (Other limitations will present themselves after your first wood cutting foray, but we will cover those in a later chapter concerning life-threatening wounds and their treatment.)
Now some of you who are “less country savvy” may be thinking, “Isn’t that a lot like stealing, Don?” Ha ha, well of course it would be if you didn’t write a note to leave with your neighbor, explaining in suitably vague terms the emergency that necessitated the borrowing the truck.
Caution: Remember to leave the note in a place where your neighbor can find it. It won’t do any good if you just drop it out the window of the truck as you drive away, or leave it stuck in the screen door where a blast of wind might carry it off. I like to leave my notes on the dash board of the borrowed vehicle.
Remember, after getting your firewood in, make sure to return the borrowed vehicle promptly even if that requires a tow truck. You might even get it back before your neighbor knows it was borrowed. If this occurs, you can remove the note from the dash board. After all, why confuse the poor fellow? However if your neighbor is waiting for you, possibly with the new shotgun he really wants to demonstrate, make sure that you are ready to explain to him the many benefits he has gained in loaning you his vehicle, like the lower wind resistance and the decreased insurance costs that the reduced profile of his truck now provides.
This might be a good time to address some of the equipment you will need for firewood gathering.
Aside from someone else’s truck, you’ll want a good chain saw. Unfortunately, no one has ever created such a thing. Oh, there are lots of great chain saws, but they always belong to someone else. Ask any woodsman about his chain saw and be prepared for a love story that would make Casanova blush. THEIR chain saw starts up first time on a below zero morning, cuts eight cords of firewood on a single tank of gas, then comes home and wakes their owner gently with a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. MY chain saw, no matter how new or expensive, won’t start unless it is first warmed to room temperature (that’s normal room temperature, not my room temperature, because I still haven’t cut any fire wood).
Simply owning a chainsaw, whether operating or not, is not enough of course. You will also need chainsaw files for sharpening the saw after you cut into the nails you put into the tree the previous year during that unfortunate episode while constructing the kid’s tree house. (Honestly, who thinks about wind resistance when installing a slide?) Anyway, you will need a good selection of files, each of a specific diameter to fit all of the possible chain sizes available, except of course for the chain you currently have on your saw.
Sharpening a chain is an art. The saw must be balanced and braced so that each draw of the file sharpens each tooth at the same angle and to the same depth. Or so the guys down at the saw shop always tell me after they stop laughing. Personally, I think it’s just an attempt to get more business.
I happen to be an expert at sharpening a chain. Many professionals are willing to settle for a chain that will cut quickly and straight. But I’ve raised the “bar,” as it were, and all of my saw cuts now form perfect arcs through the wood, with the blade sometimes even coming out again on the same side of the log that it went in. This will come in very handy if I ever get around to building a log cabin.
Another tool that’s very handy to have with you is the peavey, a spike and hook arrangement on the end of a stout pole, not to be confused with the neighbor whose truck you borrowed. The peavey is very useful for rolling those heavy logs over onto your feet. I don’t think that was the original design concept, but that’s what it always does to me.
You may be thinking to yourself, “Now why would I want a tool like that?” Shame on you. Wood cutting is not simply about avoiding death by freezing; it’s also a lifestyle display. Having a peavey in the back of your truck when you arrive for your Loyal Order of the Grouse Lodge meeting shows the guys that you are one of them.
Well, that’s all the time I have for now. In our next lesson on firewood collection, I’ll cover other items of interest for the new country-o-phile. Such topics will include: “The Steel -Toed Boot: Essential Safety Apparel or Single Use Shear?”, “Small Engine Fires,” and the real health benefits of cooler home temperatures.
But before I go, let me leave you with this thought. A dead standing tree is not a diabolical, evil, and malevolent creature bent on your destruction (that’s a cow). And nine times out of ten that tree will not try to kill you. So don’t worry. But never fall more than nine trees at a time.
Showing posts with label Husband of the boss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Husband of the boss. Show all posts
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Carbon Deficits
Patrice left last night for an overnight visit with some friends. So, foolishly she left me with the blog password so that I could moderate and approve comments. (We've been married 20 years. You'd think she'd know better.) So, just to keep the postings regular, here's my new business idea.
Looking for a franchise deal?
I've got a sure-fire new business idea that's bound to make me a ton of money! It’s easy, works off the things I already do around the ol' homestead and, best of all, fits nicely into the whole "green" thing. Cha-ching!!!
By now, most of us have been exposed to the concept of carbon credits. If you haven't, congratulations! But, if you'd prefer the short course, carbon credits are insubstantial abstracts that you can purchase for lots of money to off-set your own porcine waste of natural resources while AT THE SAME TIME allowing you to stick your piggish snout up in the air and sniff disdainfully at all the horrid little people who don't have your environmental conscience (or liquid assets) to do the same.
One example of a well known user of carbon credits is Al (No Controlling Legal Authority) Gore, who apparently burns more electricity every time he opens his refrigerator door than the average household uses in a year. But when informed by the press that the fish tank in his home sucks enough juice to cause the traffic lights in Nashville to dim, Al just smiles and writes a check for more carbon credits. A check by the way, that he pays to a company whose stock he owns. Man, capitalism at its finest! Gives me goose-bumps.
It is said by knowledgeable sources (me, 2011, just now) that Al Gore has a pre-diet Rush Limbaugh-sized carbon footprint. Of course he can afford it. He probably still has some of those Buddhist Monk love offerings in his 401K.
No, I'm not going start selling carbon credits (at least not till the end of the post). But what about you? Aren't you just a little PO'd that only the "big guys" like Gore can afford a big carbon footprint? And let’s face it, the oft-whispered innuendos of what big 'carbon' feet might imply about other masculine attributes could have a positive effect on your dating life if only YOU had a bigger...footprint.
OK, maybe you're willing to lease out your kids as impact crash maniquins to get some carbon credits. But what’s the point if you don't have a big carbon footprint to offset? And how can you, if you're an average urban dweller; in your environmentally sensitive condo, driving a Prius and shopping with recycled hemp bags, ever get a really big carbon footprint?
That’s where I can help.
You see, simply living and working on a cow farm in Northern Idaho means I have a completely natural, multi-acre wide carbon footprint. We got carbon coming out our ears (and other orifices too). Liquid, solid, gases, pastes (especially after the snow melts)…we can't haul the carbon off faster than it accumulates. And just the act of hauling it off makes more! And I'm surrounded by people who have carbon footprints large enough to make mine look like Al Franken's odds of landing any new movie deals..
So here's your chance.
I'm willing to sell you portions of my carbon footprint. That’s right! I'm talking Carbon Footprint Credits! Next time you see Al (Gore, not Franken) in a motorcade of five or six bullet-proof three-ton SUVs headed for another Environmental Awards Ceremony on TV, you can turn to the guy on the next stool and say, "Sure, he burns some gas, but I own the carbon rights to a 40 acre hay field plowed AND disked by a 1949 tractor with a cracked oil pan." (Assuming I can get the darn thing running.)
Got a problem with some snotty rock star telling you about his recent trip to the Rio Earth Summit in his private jet? Well, watch him 'ground out' quicker than a California Condor hitting a high voltage wire when you whip out certificates for a clear-cut the size of Sausalito AND twelve miles of logging road.
A little too ambitious?
Care to start smaller?
I understand. Eco-dollars are tight these days. No worries. I can make you a very sweet deal on the hourly soot output of a local paper mill, or even the individual daily methane production of one of my cows.
But wait! There's more!
For each Carbon Footprint certificate you buy today, I'll burn a log in my cast iron non-catalytic parlor stove and you'll get the credit for that absolutely free!
OK, now you've got a carbon foot print the size of Michael Moore, but what do you do with it? Hey, we're a one stop shop! Simply send me more money and I'll stop doing whatever it was I was doing for you before, and then I'll send you a certificate for that! The best of both worlds! You can slap your big ol' carbon feet up on the coffee table at the next "Save the Nauga" fundraiser party and after impressing everyone with your "bounty," you can also show your sensitive and caring side by proudly displaying the carbon credits that offset (but don't diminish) your natural endowments.
Good for you. Good for the Environment. Good for my bottom line.
Only in America folks.
Looking for a franchise deal?
I've got a sure-fire new business idea that's bound to make me a ton of money! It’s easy, works off the things I already do around the ol' homestead and, best of all, fits nicely into the whole "green" thing. Cha-ching!!!
By now, most of us have been exposed to the concept of carbon credits. If you haven't, congratulations! But, if you'd prefer the short course, carbon credits are insubstantial abstracts that you can purchase for lots of money to off-set your own porcine waste of natural resources while AT THE SAME TIME allowing you to stick your piggish snout up in the air and sniff disdainfully at all the horrid little people who don't have your environmental conscience (or liquid assets) to do the same.
One example of a well known user of carbon credits is Al (No Controlling Legal Authority) Gore, who apparently burns more electricity every time he opens his refrigerator door than the average household uses in a year. But when informed by the press that the fish tank in his home sucks enough juice to cause the traffic lights in Nashville to dim, Al just smiles and writes a check for more carbon credits. A check by the way, that he pays to a company whose stock he owns. Man, capitalism at its finest! Gives me goose-bumps.
It is said by knowledgeable sources (me, 2011, just now) that Al Gore has a pre-diet Rush Limbaugh-sized carbon footprint. Of course he can afford it. He probably still has some of those Buddhist Monk love offerings in his 401K.
No, I'm not going start selling carbon credits (at least not till the end of the post). But what about you? Aren't you just a little PO'd that only the "big guys" like Gore can afford a big carbon footprint? And let’s face it, the oft-whispered innuendos of what big 'carbon' feet might imply about other masculine attributes could have a positive effect on your dating life if only YOU had a bigger...footprint.
OK, maybe you're willing to lease out your kids as impact crash maniquins to get some carbon credits. But what’s the point if you don't have a big carbon footprint to offset? And how can you, if you're an average urban dweller; in your environmentally sensitive condo, driving a Prius and shopping with recycled hemp bags, ever get a really big carbon footprint?
That’s where I can help.
You see, simply living and working on a cow farm in Northern Idaho means I have a completely natural, multi-acre wide carbon footprint. We got carbon coming out our ears (and other orifices too). Liquid, solid, gases, pastes (especially after the snow melts)…we can't haul the carbon off faster than it accumulates. And just the act of hauling it off makes more! And I'm surrounded by people who have carbon footprints large enough to make mine look like Al Franken's odds of landing any new movie deals..
So here's your chance.
I'm willing to sell you portions of my carbon footprint. That’s right! I'm talking Carbon Footprint Credits! Next time you see Al (Gore, not Franken) in a motorcade of five or six bullet-proof three-ton SUVs headed for another Environmental Awards Ceremony on TV, you can turn to the guy on the next stool and say, "Sure, he burns some gas, but I own the carbon rights to a 40 acre hay field plowed AND disked by a 1949 tractor with a cracked oil pan." (Assuming I can get the darn thing running.)
Got a problem with some snotty rock star telling you about his recent trip to the Rio Earth Summit in his private jet? Well, watch him 'ground out' quicker than a California Condor hitting a high voltage wire when you whip out certificates for a clear-cut the size of Sausalito AND twelve miles of logging road.
A little too ambitious?
Care to start smaller?
I understand. Eco-dollars are tight these days. No worries. I can make you a very sweet deal on the hourly soot output of a local paper mill, or even the individual daily methane production of one of my cows.
But wait! There's more!
For each Carbon Footprint certificate you buy today, I'll burn a log in my cast iron non-catalytic parlor stove and you'll get the credit for that absolutely free!
OK, now you've got a carbon foot print the size of Michael Moore, but what do you do with it? Hey, we're a one stop shop! Simply send me more money and I'll stop doing whatever it was I was doing for you before, and then I'll send you a certificate for that! The best of both worlds! You can slap your big ol' carbon feet up on the coffee table at the next "Save the Nauga" fundraiser party and after impressing everyone with your "bounty," you can also show your sensitive and caring side by proudly displaying the carbon credits that offset (but don't diminish) your natural endowments.
Good for you. Good for the Environment. Good for my bottom line.
Only in America folks.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Contest Entry
Husband of the Boss communique'
Alright! We've received our first entry in the "Safecastle LLC Freedom Awards Self-sufficiency Essay and/or Video Contest" and as such in our "Rural Revolution Essay Contest"
While the prizes are certainly better over at SafeCastle LLC., we're only allowed to pass on one finalist in the essay and video categories at the end of the year for judging.
But...
In the Rural Revolution sub-contest, we have 10 prizes to give out to those of you who submit your original essay or video on self-sufficiency, survivalism, and prepping.
Anyway, here's our first entry. I must say I didn't anticipate this format, but what the hey! And since it's our first entry it's certainly well in the running for a Rural Revolution Tankard. (Assuming we get no more than nine other entries.)
So here's our own Anonymous Patriots entry.
My Survival Plan
by
Anonymous Patriot - USA
Upon all aspects of life, a little humor should rain.
It lessens the stress and soothes almost every pain.
If laughter is the best medicine, as many profess;
Be sure to include some jokes in your medicine chest.
So with humor in mind, I prepare for the worst.
I've got a Big Berkey to take care of my thirst.
Dehydrated foods are stored everywhere I look.
I've discovered, however, that I'm a poor cook.
I can split my own wood and stoke up the fire.
I can plow the land and change my own tire.
My Presto makes canning an airtight snap,
But I'm having some trouble finding time to nap.
The house is hardened against zombie hoard attack.
I've got heating pads and Advil to aid my sore back.
The band-aids are counted, the N95 masks set aside.
But I wonder if it might be easier just to go hide.
I've got wool socks in the dresser and sweats in the drawer
And I'm saving the clothes that don't fit anymore.
I know camouflage is stealthy in the deep piney wood,
But when it comes to hiding my rump, it isn't very good.
There are flashlights and radios in every room of this place.
I've collected matches and dryer lint 'til I'm blue in the face.
My EDC is extremely useful and I'm quite proud to say
It's got every micro tool conceivable to save the day.
I've got diapers, wet wipers, and kitty litter, too
All for the sake of making a portable bucket loo.
There are chickens in the yard and rabbits in the pen.
There are potatoes in the flower bed and herbs in the den.
As I look around at my survivalist food and gear
There's only one thing that's still missing here.
I've looked high and low for this final part of my plan,
But, doggone it, I can't find myself a good looking man!
-----------------------------------
Thanks AP for starting us off.
Now folks, please consider sending us an essay on your plans, thoughts and experiences in self-sufficiency and prepping. Your entry can be a far reaching as TEOTWAWKI or as narrow as why brown rice is a better storable food than white rice. I know a lot of you have skills and training on these important topics. You have a real shot at some great prizes (ours and especially theirs) by simply putting on e-paper, or video, things you've already considered and practiced that might be of great help to others just starting out. I've always been into helping others. (And a chance to get "paid" to do it doesn't hurt either.)
Alright! We've received our first entry in the "Safecastle LLC Freedom Awards Self-sufficiency Essay and/or Video Contest" and as such in our "Rural Revolution Essay Contest"
While the prizes are certainly better over at SafeCastle LLC., we're only allowed to pass on one finalist in the essay and video categories at the end of the year for judging.
But...
In the Rural Revolution sub-contest, we have 10 prizes to give out to those of you who submit your original essay or video on self-sufficiency, survivalism, and prepping.
Our prize, the coveted Rural Revolution Tankard
(Will look something like this,
but will also include the words
"2011 contest winner" and your name.)
Anyway, here's our first entry. I must say I didn't anticipate this format, but what the hey! And since it's our first entry it's certainly well in the running for a Rural Revolution Tankard. (Assuming we get no more than nine other entries.)
So here's our own Anonymous Patriots entry.
My Survival Plan
by
Anonymous Patriot - USA
Upon all aspects of life, a little humor should rain.
It lessens the stress and soothes almost every pain.
If laughter is the best medicine, as many profess;
Be sure to include some jokes in your medicine chest.
So with humor in mind, I prepare for the worst.
I've got a Big Berkey to take care of my thirst.
Dehydrated foods are stored everywhere I look.
I've discovered, however, that I'm a poor cook.
I can split my own wood and stoke up the fire.
I can plow the land and change my own tire.
My Presto makes canning an airtight snap,
But I'm having some trouble finding time to nap.
The house is hardened against zombie hoard attack.
I've got heating pads and Advil to aid my sore back.
The band-aids are counted, the N95 masks set aside.
But I wonder if it might be easier just to go hide.
I've got wool socks in the dresser and sweats in the drawer
And I'm saving the clothes that don't fit anymore.
I know camouflage is stealthy in the deep piney wood,
But when it comes to hiding my rump, it isn't very good.
There are flashlights and radios in every room of this place.
I've collected matches and dryer lint 'til I'm blue in the face.
My EDC is extremely useful and I'm quite proud to say
It's got every micro tool conceivable to save the day.
I've got diapers, wet wipers, and kitty litter, too
All for the sake of making a portable bucket loo.
There are chickens in the yard and rabbits in the pen.
There are potatoes in the flower bed and herbs in the den.
As I look around at my survivalist food and gear
There's only one thing that's still missing here.
I've looked high and low for this final part of my plan,
But, doggone it, I can't find myself a good looking man!
-----------------------------------
Thanks AP for starting us off.
Now folks, please consider sending us an essay on your plans, thoughts and experiences in self-sufficiency and prepping. Your entry can be a far reaching as TEOTWAWKI or as narrow as why brown rice is a better storable food than white rice. I know a lot of you have skills and training on these important topics. You have a real shot at some great prizes (ours and especially theirs) by simply putting on e-paper, or video, things you've already considered and practiced that might be of great help to others just starting out. I've always been into helping others. (And a chance to get "paid" to do it doesn't hurt either.)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Contest!
From the messy desk of the Husband of the Boss:
Well...this is exciting.
As you may recall, we brought to your attention a new contest sponsored by Safecastle LLC. Specifically the contest asks for essays and video entrys on the subject of preparedness, self sufficiency and survivalism. We also provided a link so that you, our esteemed readers, could get information on the rules and the fourteen blogs where you could send your entries.
Apparently you folks went there and took a look. In fact, a LOT of you went there.
Yesterday we received an email from the folks at Safecastle. They had noted a lot of traffic coming from here to their blog. They also mentioned that they had originally planned for fifteen blog associates rather than fourteen, and would we like to take a place as the 15th?
We said yes.
So we are now officially a participating blog in the Safecastle Freedom Award 2010-2011 contest.
Once again, you can see their rules here.
Since you can now submit your essays directly to us, we have a few addendums to those rules. NOTE: We won't be editing any submission. We'll be posting your entry exactly as we get it. So make sure you cross your t's and dot those i's. If you are uncertain as to your composition abilities, have someone with those skills act as your editor. (It's what I do. Fortunately I married her so as to keep my editorial expenses low.)
Another thing. While there are some great prizes for the contest as they stand, there can only be a few finalist winners (one essay and one video from each participating blog). Being the "politically correct" type of people we are, we just don't think that's fair. So we will be selecting the ten best submissions to Rural Revolution and awarding each of those submitters with a Rural Revolution laser engraved wooden tankard. And in keeping with current public school educational standards, each tankard awarded to our ten semifinalists will say "Winner." (Actual design of the laser engraved tankard to be determined down the road a' piece.)
Folks, you are the reason this blog has seen the success that it has. And not to put any of the other participating blogs down (since I read most of them and enjoy them), we here at Rural Revolution have a somewhat different take on preparedness and self-sufficiency then a lot of the other blogs out there. We live the way we do because we think it's the best way for us, regardless of what is coming down the pike. And from what we hear from a lot of you, you agree with this philosophy.
So. Want to write about the best kinds of ducks to raise or the best way to raise them? Goat keeping secrets? Building a better cistern? We'll post them. Want to make a video about why prepping is Godly? We'd love to see it. New to the whole prepping scene and want to tell us about your successes (and failures - we all have them)? Send it in! Got an idea for a better chicken tractor? (Yeah, I'm not real sure what it is either. I'm guessing it's a D8 with a processing plant that rolls over the flock and leaves cleaned, plucked, and wrapped birds ready for the freezer.) Let us post it.
So. Here we go. Send in your pieces and let's start the discussion.
Well...this is exciting.
As you may recall, we brought to your attention a new contest sponsored by Safecastle LLC. Specifically the contest asks for essays and video entrys on the subject of preparedness, self sufficiency and survivalism. We also provided a link so that you, our esteemed readers, could get information on the rules and the fourteen blogs where you could send your entries.
Apparently you folks went there and took a look. In fact, a LOT of you went there.
Yesterday we received an email from the folks at Safecastle. They had noted a lot of traffic coming from here to their blog. They also mentioned that they had originally planned for fifteen blog associates rather than fourteen, and would we like to take a place as the 15th?
We said yes.
So we are now officially a participating blog in the Safecastle Freedom Award 2010-2011 contest.
Once again, you can see their rules here.
Since you can now submit your essays directly to us, we have a few addendums to those rules. NOTE: We won't be editing any submission. We'll be posting your entry exactly as we get it. So make sure you cross your t's and dot those i's. If you are uncertain as to your composition abilities, have someone with those skills act as your editor. (It's what I do. Fortunately I married her so as to keep my editorial expenses low.)
Another thing. While there are some great prizes for the contest as they stand, there can only be a few finalist winners (one essay and one video from each participating blog). Being the "politically correct" type of people we are, we just don't think that's fair. So we will be selecting the ten best submissions to Rural Revolution and awarding each of those submitters with a Rural Revolution laser engraved wooden tankard. And in keeping with current public school educational standards, each tankard awarded to our ten semifinalists will say "Winner." (Actual design of the laser engraved tankard to be determined down the road a' piece.)
 |
| Cherry tankard (no laser engraving) |
Folks, you are the reason this blog has seen the success that it has. And not to put any of the other participating blogs down (since I read most of them and enjoy them), we here at Rural Revolution have a somewhat different take on preparedness and self-sufficiency then a lot of the other blogs out there. We live the way we do because we think it's the best way for us, regardless of what is coming down the pike. And from what we hear from a lot of you, you agree with this philosophy.
So. Want to write about the best kinds of ducks to raise or the best way to raise them? Goat keeping secrets? Building a better cistern? We'll post them. Want to make a video about why prepping is Godly? We'd love to see it. New to the whole prepping scene and want to tell us about your successes (and failures - we all have them)? Send it in! Got an idea for a better chicken tractor? (Yeah, I'm not real sure what it is either. I'm guessing it's a D8 with a processing plant that rolls over the flock and leaves cleaned, plucked, and wrapped birds ready for the freezer.) Let us post it.
So. Here we go. Send in your pieces and let's start the discussion.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
An award!
We here at Rural Revolution are proud and humbled to have been named a recipient of the coveted Stylish Blogger Award from the Big Kahuna of preparedness sites, Survivalblog.com
Now normally I'm always willing to avoid looking a gift horse in the mouth. But given the interesting name of this award, I was unable to resist doing a bit of research on it's origination. After many exhaustive minutes of investigation and over three pages of Google search results, I was (before I lost interest completely) able to trace the award back at least as far as a blog entitled "Missy Sassy Pants" who gave the award to another blog called "Delicious in Pink" in July of 2010. After careful perusal, I can certainly attest to the fact that both of these blogs are "stylish" although surprisingly neither blog dealt with the burning issues of this year's new BDU styles or the proper application of designer camo face paints.
Be that as it may, we here at Rural Revolution are truly honored that the folks at SurvivalBlog thought highly enough of us as to include us in their list of recipients. But receiving this award also comes with certain obligations. The recipient is required to post seven little known facts about the blog author as well as to pass the award along to 15 other recipients. (Interestingly, back in July of 2010 it was only five facts and five other recipients. Another prime example of runaway inflation.)
So since Patrice is still a little shaky from her recent bout with the flu, she unwisely allowed me to fulfill these requirements. (Actually I asked her if she wanted me to do this late last night while she was experiencing a fever-dream. I took "No! Not avocado!" as an affirmative.)
So without further ado, here are some little known facts about Patrice:
1. Rural Revolution is in fact a wholly owned subsidiary of Dow-Corning Int. Inc.
2. "Patrice" is actually a staff of five writers previously responsible for the popular TV programs "Little House on the Prairie" and, surprisingly, "Green Acres."
3. The picture of Patrice found on the blog was created using over 4000 separate pictures of other female self-sufficiency authors, all ran through a sophisticated morphing program to provide for the optimal visual attributes of integrity and honesty. (Separate bits of June Lockhart, Barbara Stanwyck, and Ma Kettle were added to provide a "country" overlay.)
4. All of Patrice's livestock are animatronic.
5. Many of Patrice's posts are actually penned by James Wesley, Rawles who occasionally feels the need to get in touch with his feminine side.
6. Much of the scenery shown on Rural Revolution was shot at Pinewood Studios in Buckinghamshire, England. Recent snow photos required over 200,000 pounds of refined sugar.
7. The part of Patrice's husband is played by an actor suitably made up to increase his inadequate rugged good looks and sex appeal.
Now as to those blogs we would like to honor with this award (in no particular order so don't get in a snit):
1. Bacon and Eggs
2. Preparing Your Family
3. The Survival Mom
4. Small Holding
5. LAF/Beautiful Womanhood
6. The Last Frontier
7. Gonzalo Lira (One of my choices)
8. Salt Creek Life
9. Old Lightning
10. The View From North Central Idaho
11. The Deliberate Agrarian
12. Hoof 'n Barrel
13. Total Survivalist Libertarian Rantfest
14. Amy's Humble Musings
15. Off Grid Survival - Wilderness & Urban Survival Skills
And a bonus because they're the best!
Paratus Familia
Survivalblog.com
(So Mr. Rawles won't come after me for the feminine crack.)
Now normally I'm always willing to avoid looking a gift horse in the mouth. But given the interesting name of this award, I was unable to resist doing a bit of research on it's origination. After many exhaustive minutes of investigation and over three pages of Google search results, I was (before I lost interest completely) able to trace the award back at least as far as a blog entitled "Missy Sassy Pants" who gave the award to another blog called "Delicious in Pink" in July of 2010. After careful perusal, I can certainly attest to the fact that both of these blogs are "stylish" although surprisingly neither blog dealt with the burning issues of this year's new BDU styles or the proper application of designer camo face paints.
Be that as it may, we here at Rural Revolution are truly honored that the folks at SurvivalBlog thought highly enough of us as to include us in their list of recipients. But receiving this award also comes with certain obligations. The recipient is required to post seven little known facts about the blog author as well as to pass the award along to 15 other recipients. (Interestingly, back in July of 2010 it was only five facts and five other recipients. Another prime example of runaway inflation.)
So since Patrice is still a little shaky from her recent bout with the flu, she unwisely allowed me to fulfill these requirements. (Actually I asked her if she wanted me to do this late last night while she was experiencing a fever-dream. I took "No! Not avocado!" as an affirmative.)
So without further ado, here are some little known facts about Patrice:
1. Rural Revolution is in fact a wholly owned subsidiary of Dow-Corning Int. Inc.
2. "Patrice" is actually a staff of five writers previously responsible for the popular TV programs "Little House on the Prairie" and, surprisingly, "Green Acres."
3. The picture of Patrice found on the blog was created using over 4000 separate pictures of other female self-sufficiency authors, all ran through a sophisticated morphing program to provide for the optimal visual attributes of integrity and honesty. (Separate bits of June Lockhart, Barbara Stanwyck, and Ma Kettle were added to provide a "country" overlay.)
4. All of Patrice's livestock are animatronic.
5. Many of Patrice's posts are actually penned by James Wesley, Rawles who occasionally feels the need to get in touch with his feminine side.
6. Much of the scenery shown on Rural Revolution was shot at Pinewood Studios in Buckinghamshire, England. Recent snow photos required over 200,000 pounds of refined sugar.
7. The part of Patrice's husband is played by an actor suitably made up to increase his inadequate rugged good looks and sex appeal.
 |
| Don without makeup |
Now as to those blogs we would like to honor with this award (in no particular order so don't get in a snit):
1. Bacon and Eggs
2. Preparing Your Family
3. The Survival Mom
4. Small Holding
5. LAF/Beautiful Womanhood
6. The Last Frontier
7. Gonzalo Lira (One of my choices)
8. Salt Creek Life
9. Old Lightning
10. The View From North Central Idaho
11. The Deliberate Agrarian
12. Hoof 'n Barrel
13. Total Survivalist Libertarian Rantfest
14. Amy's Humble Musings
15. Off Grid Survival - Wilderness & Urban Survival Skills
And a bonus because they're the best!
Paratus Familia
Survivalblog.com
(So Mr. Rawles won't come after me for the feminine crack.)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Husband of the Boss
My clever and humorous husband has posted a new Husband of the Boss column called Efficiency. Scroll down on the right-hand side of the page and click on - you guessed it - the "Husband of the Boss" button. Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Guest Blog
Howdy all!
I'm the husband of the Boss.
Patrice is a bit overwhelmed at the moment. We have a lovely family visiting us and she spent all day out and about with them. But being the consummate home Diva that she is, she made sure to prepare dinner before she left by putting a lovely roast in the crock pot. It's amazing how, even at the height of our business year, with visitors, she can juggle all of these things and plan a home cooked dinner for all of our hungry guests (and husband).
So it's absolutely understandable that she might forget the most minor of details; to wit, turning the crock pot on.
We had pancakes.
So... to give her just a bit of decompress, I'm placing here for your enjoyment (we hope) a little piece I wrote for a magazine a couple of years ago entitled:
Death Daisies
Yesterday morning, spring finally came to Northern Idaho. I'm not expecting it to last very long. But that's okay with me. In point of fact, I'm hoping that spring will be gone by dinner. After today, I'd just as soon skip summer and fall and head right back into winter.
Due to an excess of regional cooling, winter held on well into May. But spring finally sprung loudly this morning, waking me from my usual near-hibernative state, and Patrice and I were finally able to go out on one of those early-morning nature walks that used to make me glad I lived here on the edge of the wild.
Patrice is a naturalist by temperament and education, and she delights in the challenge of figuring out the name of practically every plant that she sees. She makes her plant identification by consulting the "Native and Medicinal Plants of Northern Idaho" identification book.
“Oh look! It's Ridikulous dorkus, or "Northwest Common Spotted Dogwattle.” Or something like that. I don't actually pay a lot of attention to what she says on these walks. After eighteen years of marriage, it's the cadence and the melody, not the content. And I usually avoid asking any plant questions because, against all logic and common decency, she will answer them.
This morning however, lulled by actual sunshine, I made the near-fatal mistake of asking, "Is it poisonous?"
"Absolutely!" she replied. Joyfully she read the description of the plant from her book. "The Northwest common spotted dogwattle can cause bleeding from the gums, incontinence, dizziness, and vomiting if ingested."
"Well who the hell would ingest it then?"
"According to this," she said, "it was used by Native Americans as a medicinal plant."
Somehow I don't find that surprising. My admiration for the Native Americans is second to none, but obviously someone had to be the first person to try eating these things. No wonder they were so quickly outnumbered.
"So, we got any other poisonous plants around here?" I asked naively.
"Oh golly yes!" (She actually does speak like that.) Patrice began to spin in a circle, pointing and calling out name after name.
"That's Crampberry, and there's Northern Spleenrot. That lovely flower over there is Pearlie Gates, and there's Clubfoot and Western Hairlip, and that is Buckle n' Bury. And that's Fools Onion, and over there is Devils Clubsandwich. Practically all of them can kill you."
I began to feel various internal organs squeezing in around my backbone for self-protection. "How about this?" I reached towards a lovely purple-blossomed stock.
"Don't touch that! That's False Hells-Hound. Let's see…'Symptoms include frothing of the orifices, nausea, paisley-vision, lockjaw, vomiting, total liquefaction, and of course, death'…just the pollen on a windy day can wipe out whole villages. Umm, it says some native people use it medicinally.”
"For what? Birth control?!!" I gulped. "If that's the false stuff, I wonder what real Hells-Hound is like?"
Flip...flip... "It's a lot like the False Hells-Hound, only it chases you. But don't worry. It's relentless, but not very fast."
Looking around wildly for stalking vegetables, I asked, "Is there anything around here that ISN'T poisonous?"
"Ah...no... Oh wait!" Patrice pointed at the ground. "That isn't."
"What? That grass?" I started to reach for it.
"Yes. That's razor vetch. It can cut you to the bone and causes a nasty infection. But see, the Native Americans used it for..."
"Medicine, yeah I got it."
The bright sunlight seemed to dim and the beautiful spring day took on an air of looming peril. I began to realize that I was surrounded by literally millions of pistil-packing faunaphobes, all no doubt recognizing me as the chief weed whacker from the previous year.
I can tell you, we hurried home after that. Patrice complained the whole way about our abbreviated amble, and I tried to avoid the vegetative menace that reached for me on all sides, eager to make me into personal compost.
At one point I was tripped by a cleverly-concealed dogwood (no doubt rabid) and fell screaming into churning field of white destruction.
"Run Patrice! Save yourself! I'm a goner!"
"Oh you big baby." she replied, "Get up. They're only daisies."
"Daisies, huh?" That didn't seem too bad. I joyfully gathered a handful together, delighted to find a plant that apparently didn't want my demise.
"Unless of course they're Death Daisies," she added.
"Death Daisies!" I hurled the bouquet away from me. "Now you're going to tell me that the Indians used Death Daisies medicinally too?"
"Of course not silly." Patrice sniffed. "Only a complete idiot would pick Death Daisies."
So now I'm sitting here in my house with the lights out, the curtains drawn and clutching a spray bottle of extra strength herbicide.
I am so ready for winter.
I'm the husband of the Boss.
Patrice is a bit overwhelmed at the moment. We have a lovely family visiting us and she spent all day out and about with them. But being the consummate home Diva that she is, she made sure to prepare dinner before she left by putting a lovely roast in the crock pot. It's amazing how, even at the height of our business year, with visitors, she can juggle all of these things and plan a home cooked dinner for all of our hungry guests (and husband).
So it's absolutely understandable that she might forget the most minor of details; to wit, turning the crock pot on.
We had pancakes.
So... to give her just a bit of decompress, I'm placing here for your enjoyment (we hope) a little piece I wrote for a magazine a couple of years ago entitled:
Death Daisies
Yesterday morning, spring finally came to Northern Idaho. I'm not expecting it to last very long. But that's okay with me. In point of fact, I'm hoping that spring will be gone by dinner. After today, I'd just as soon skip summer and fall and head right back into winter.
Due to an excess of regional cooling, winter held on well into May. But spring finally sprung loudly this morning, waking me from my usual near-hibernative state, and Patrice and I were finally able to go out on one of those early-morning nature walks that used to make me glad I lived here on the edge of the wild.
Patrice is a naturalist by temperament and education, and she delights in the challenge of figuring out the name of practically every plant that she sees. She makes her plant identification by consulting the "Native and Medicinal Plants of Northern Idaho" identification book.
“Oh look! It's Ridikulous dorkus, or "Northwest Common Spotted Dogwattle.” Or something like that. I don't actually pay a lot of attention to what she says on these walks. After eighteen years of marriage, it's the cadence and the melody, not the content. And I usually avoid asking any plant questions because, against all logic and common decency, she will answer them.
This morning however, lulled by actual sunshine, I made the near-fatal mistake of asking, "Is it poisonous?"
"Absolutely!" she replied. Joyfully she read the description of the plant from her book. "The Northwest common spotted dogwattle can cause bleeding from the gums, incontinence, dizziness, and vomiting if ingested."
"Well who the hell would ingest it then?"
"According to this," she said, "it was used by Native Americans as a medicinal plant."
Somehow I don't find that surprising. My admiration for the Native Americans is second to none, but obviously someone had to be the first person to try eating these things. No wonder they were so quickly outnumbered.
"So, we got any other poisonous plants around here?" I asked naively.
"Oh golly yes!" (She actually does speak like that.) Patrice began to spin in a circle, pointing and calling out name after name.
"That's Crampberry, and there's Northern Spleenrot. That lovely flower over there is Pearlie Gates, and there's Clubfoot and Western Hairlip, and that is Buckle n' Bury. And that's Fools Onion, and over there is Devils Clubsandwich. Practically all of them can kill you."
I began to feel various internal organs squeezing in around my backbone for self-protection. "How about this?" I reached towards a lovely purple-blossomed stock.
"Don't touch that! That's False Hells-Hound. Let's see…'Symptoms include frothing of the orifices, nausea, paisley-vision, lockjaw, vomiting, total liquefaction, and of course, death'…just the pollen on a windy day can wipe out whole villages. Umm, it says some native people use it medicinally.”
"For what? Birth control?!!" I gulped. "If that's the false stuff, I wonder what real Hells-Hound is like?"
Flip...flip... "It's a lot like the False Hells-Hound, only it chases you. But don't worry. It's relentless, but not very fast."
Looking around wildly for stalking vegetables, I asked, "Is there anything around here that ISN'T poisonous?"
"Ah...no... Oh wait!" Patrice pointed at the ground. "That isn't."
"What? That grass?" I started to reach for it.
"Yes. That's razor vetch. It can cut you to the bone and causes a nasty infection. But see, the Native Americans used it for..."
"Medicine, yeah I got it."
The bright sunlight seemed to dim and the beautiful spring day took on an air of looming peril. I began to realize that I was surrounded by literally millions of pistil-packing faunaphobes, all no doubt recognizing me as the chief weed whacker from the previous year.
I can tell you, we hurried home after that. Patrice complained the whole way about our abbreviated amble, and I tried to avoid the vegetative menace that reached for me on all sides, eager to make me into personal compost.
At one point I was tripped by a cleverly-concealed dogwood (no doubt rabid) and fell screaming into churning field of white destruction.
"Run Patrice! Save yourself! I'm a goner!"
"Oh you big baby." she replied, "Get up. They're only daisies."
"Daisies, huh?" That didn't seem too bad. I joyfully gathered a handful together, delighted to find a plant that apparently didn't want my demise.
"Unless of course they're Death Daisies," she added.
"Death Daisies!" I hurled the bouquet away from me. "Now you're going to tell me that the Indians used Death Daisies medicinally too?"
"Of course not silly." Patrice sniffed. "Only a complete idiot would pick Death Daisies."
So now I'm sitting here in my house with the lights out, the curtains drawn and clutching a spray bottle of extra strength herbicide.
I am so ready for winter.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Husband of the Boss
Hey, look over to the right-hand side of my blog! See the notice that says "Husband of the Boss"? That's my husband. (Shhhh, he's actually the boss but don't tell him I said so.)
Anyway, some of you may know that my husband is a very talented writer of political humor/satire. He's decided to piggyback on this blog and write some stuff of his own. Take a look and let him know what you think!
Anyway, some of you may know that my husband is a very talented writer of political humor/satire. He's decided to piggyback on this blog and write some stuff of his own. Take a look and let him know what you think!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)