Saturday, October 30, 2010

Equal opportunity insults

A reader sent this.

UPDATE:  Oops!  I didn't realize (until readers pointed it out) that Texas, Kentucky, and Oregon are missing from the list.  Sorry, have no idea what those mottos should be.  Unless someone wants to send in their ideas...?

ANOTHER UPDATE: The reader who originally sent me this realized he'd forgotten Texas, so Texas's motto is now included below.


Alabama: Hell yes, we have electricity.

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos can't be wrong.

Arizona: But it's a dry heat.

Arkansas: Literacy ain't everything.

California: By 30, our women have more plastic than your Honda.

Colorado: If don't ski, don't bother!

Connecticut: Just like Massachusetts, only the Kennedys don't own it – yet.

Delaware: We really do like the chemicals in our water.

Florida: Ask us about our grandkids.

Georgia: We put the "fun" in fundamentalist extremism.

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami keeki tou. (Death to mainland scum, but leave your money).

Idaho: More than just potatoes....well okay, we're not, but the potatoes are sure real good.

Illinois: Please don't pronounce the “S.”

Indiana: two billion years tidal wave free.

Iowa: We do amazing things with corn.

Kansas: First of the rectangle states.

Louisiana: We're not all drunk Cajun wackos, but that's our tourism campaign.

Maine: We're really cold, but cheap lobster.

Maryland: If you can dream it, we can tax it.

Massachusetts: Our taxes are lower than Sweden's (for most tax brackets).

Michigan: First line of defense from the Canadians.

Minnesota: 10.000 lakes...and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 billion mosquitoes.

Mississippi: Come and feel better about your own state.

Missouri: Your federal flood relief dollars at work.

Montana: Land of the big sky, the Unabomber, right-wing crazies, and not much else.

Nebraska: Come ask about our state motto contest.

Nevada: Hookers and poker!

New Hampshire: Go away and leave us alone!

New Jersey: You want a ##$%##* motto? I got yer ##@%&* motto right here!

New Mexico: Lizards make excellent pets.

New York: You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney.

North Carolina: Tobacco is a vegetable.

North Dakota: We really are one of the 50 states!

Ohio: At least we're not Michigan!

Oklahoma: Like the play, only no singing.

Pennsylvania: Cook with coal.

Rhode Island: We're not really an island.

South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We didn't actually surrender!

South Dakota: Closer than North Dakota.

Tenessee: The educashun state.

Texas: "Se habla Ingles"

Utah: Our Jesus is better than your Jesus.

Vermont: Yup.

Virginia: Who says government stiffs and slack jawed yokels can't mix?

Washington: Help! We're being overrun by nerds and slackers!

Washington D.C.: Wanna be mayor?

West Virginia: One big happy family – really!

Wisconsin: Cut the cheese!

Wyoming: Where men are men...and sheep are scared.


  1. Where's Oregon? or is that the Motto, lol

  2. What about Texas? Either there were too many to pick from or we seceded overnight and I didn't hear... :) BW, Texas

  3. Most of the rest of the country thinks Arizona is one big, huge desert. They're so brainwashed on this that when I've sent pictures of our mountains, pine trees and junipers, they write back and say, "Oh, you live in the desert?" I tell 'em, uh, yeah, just look at all the cacti! We have one of the biggest, if not the biggest, forests of Spruce in the world in Arizona. Lots of Ponderosa pines, too. We also get some pretty decent snowfalls here, and our Monsoon season -- which used to occur from around mid-July to mid-August, now covers the entire Summer and then some! We get some hellacious thunderstorms here, too! Yes, we have a "dry heat" between thunderstorms, but that allows the perspiration to evaporate, thus cooling you off. In humid climates -- and I've been in a few -- you just boil in your own juices. No, thanks.

  4. What, none for Texas?

    Then again, we ARE perfect already ;-)

  5. What is the matter? To scared to have a Texas insult - I mean motto? ;-)

    Texas - that smell ain't cow dung, that smell is money!

    (at least that is what they say around here)

    Ouida Gabriel

  6. I noticed that is no Texas! To big to mess with!!!! Very cute list.

  7. Oregon's Motto - Yes, our state animal is the beaver - get over it!

    Texas's Motto - We're too big to fail.

    Anonymous from Arizona, I've visited your lovely state many times. From the snow-covered mountains to the Sonoran Desert - it's all beautiful. Be glad people think you live in a desolate desert, keeps the unwelcome away.

    Anonymous Patriot

  8. It is windy here in OK....

    Oklahoma - Its OK...not great, but OK :)

  9. No Kentucky either :)


  10. You need to calm down Anon from Arizona. Just like A.P. I have roamed all around your state and I loved it all. I will be back again when I am able. It has been an expensive year for me so far but I WILL be there.

  11. Kentucky - Home of the Kentucky Derby and not much else.

    Anonymous Patriot

  12. Love the list, even though some were missing. I'm one of those non-drunk, non-Cajun, non-wackos from Louisiana. Love your blog.

  13. Kentucky Derby??? Small potatoes. Home of the annual Knob Creek Machine Gun shoot. Look for some videos online.

    Oh, want to hear about my grandkids?


  14. New Mexico is - No, you don't need a passport, yes, we're part of the US. Most have had to answer these questions when we're speaking to someone back east.

  15. I am very calm, dear Anonymous sir/madame. Just pointing out the truth about our beautiful state of Arizona. Some people can be downright silly. Glad you liked it here. Hope you come back soon!

  16. Dear Patrice,
    Someone sent us "State Mottos" back in Nov. of 2004. It included all the state's mottos. Kentucky: "Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names." Oregon: "Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner." Hehehe...