Sunday, August 1, 2010

Universal Laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.


  1. 20. Maxine's Law of Housekeeping - When the house is clean, nobody drops by to see you. When the house is a mess, out-of-town visitors arrive unexpectedly.

    Anonymous Twit

  2. love it!
    may I borrow with link backs?

  3. Help yourself! A friend sent these to me, so I can't take credit for writing them. It's just one of those things floating around the internet.

    - Patrice

  4. i posted this on fb for my friends...what a hoot and so true.

  5. I posted number 15 on FB with a link to Patrice's blog. Glad I put my coffee down before reading. Isn't number 15 a politicians motto?

  6. CrazyDaisy.In.JerseyAugust 2, 2010 at 5:49 PM

    How very true.

  7. I also posted #15 on my facebook. Got a lot of laughs! Did you realize you missed # 17 though?

    May I suggest a law that I encountered today?
    The Law of the Send Key: The exact nanosecond after you hit Send for an email, is the exact moment you realize you sent it to the wrong person.