Thursday, August 12, 2010

Blender dogs

I have a new column up at!  This one is called "Blender Dogs."  I apologize in advance for the millions of readers I will offend.


  1. Funny article. I must agree with you but to be fair my GF has a little spitz I think she calls it (looks like a little white husky kinda). That little dog has to be a mind reader because she instinctively knows when to go into guard mode and if you try and keep the cat out of something once she will make sure no cat goes near that object forever. She guards the trash, grocery bags on the floor, a bowl of beans I am shelling etc.

    Of course I think it is really just any excuse to attack a cat she really likes, but even that puts her up a notch or two in my book :)

  2. you have read my mind...i have two chinese sharpeis...they are like huge pound puppies until a stranger comes along. they like the ups man but hate his truck. the mail lady won'tget out of her truck...they love the plumber and the gasman...go figure. one thing for sure is that i respect my dogs opinion before anyone else.

  3. Darn it, my Blender Dog comment wound up under the Vaccinating Cattle topic. Between my butterfingers and an overly sensitive computer touchpad, I goofed up.


  4. That's not really nice to make me want to laugh so hard when I have a sleeping baby in the same room!
    After watching a German Shepherd for a couple weeks for a friend, I completely agree that big dogs are far superior to small dogs.
    Thanks for putting some humor in my day!

  5. I call them Frisbee Dogs. Here's how I came to name them that.

    Back before my wife and I were married she was renting a little cottage behind a main house. Every time I went to visit her there, the landlady's little yappy dog would charge out and bite at my heels.

    After putting up with this beyond the point of endurance, I decided to teach the little mutt a lesson. What I did was hook the little creature under the belly with my foot and give a vigorous kick. All I intended was to give it a good shove. However, I failed to account for how light this dog was, and it went sailing head over tail a good 20-30 feet. It looked just like a Frisbee with legs.

    I've since used this technique to good measure when walking our dog on a leash when we encounter someone's dog that is not on a leash. As soon as I hear the word's, "Don't worry, she's friendly," I know to prepare for an encounter. Sure enough, I've had to play "Frisbee" many times to save our dog from an uncontrolled too-aggressive loose dog. Works every time.

    For the record, we have three largish (60-70lb) dogs. And you are right about the bobcats and owls taking care of the little guys. Happens all the time here in our neck of the woods. 'Course, it's mostly cats that owls prefer.


  6. Funny article! I like big dogs better. I have a Siberian Husky, which isn't a real big dog, but she is a great dog for me. I have "granddog" that is a Pom...yappy yappy yappy.

  7. I love ALL dogs, and ALL dogs have a purpose. I've mostly had big dogs, labs, collies, german shepherd, but not one of my big dogs could take care of the rodent problems like my fox terrier could. One time,in the hay mow, he found a nest of 8 baby mice, he ate them. Then calmly waited for the momma to come home and got her. ALL dogs have a purpose, how can you not love them all?

  8. Well, remember that when you write humor, you kinda have to reach for the extreme. While it's true I don't much care for small dogs, I'll admit they do have a purpose - for companionship if nothing else. My daughter's 86-yr-old widowed piano teacher could hardly handle a Great Pyrenees; she's quite content with her Yorkie for example.

    Still, I'll take a Lab over a Chihuahua any day of the week. (smile)

    On the darker side, I would *never ever ever* sanction kicking a small dog across the yard. My kids volunteer at our county animal shelter and see enough nastiness as it is.

    - Patrice

  9. WOW - that was great :)

    When I was growing up, I only felt safe around dogs “small enough to kick." Much later, my husband & I adopted a Lab puppy. Chief was a wonderful dog - protective, intuitive (he HATED it when we were upset), fun, etc.

    Chief had cancer and we had to put him down in Dec 2007. It ended up being timely since my husband rejoined the Army in July 2008. Here in our first Station, we're in an 18-family apt. building. Dogs are VERY unhappy here and you can hear that all the time…the dogs bark incessantly.

    Unfortunately, they are mostly blender dogs - lol. Nearly all are totally untrained and uncontrolled by children whose parents see no need to walk the dogs themselves. My daughter was once held hostage at the top of a slide by a poorly-behaved female monster and her little yappy dog. I have since taught her how to kick a little dog so she can get away. (Really I did! Isn't that sad I have to do that!)

    Anyway, loved the column and am SO happy to have a new term. Can't wait to pass it on!

  10. Hi Patrice,

    Just so you know, I didn't intend to kick the little dog across the yard ... it just happened that way because I underestimated how light he was. I actually felt bad about it, and rushed over to make sure it didn't get hurt. The rest of the story is that the little dog kept his distance from me and never did attack me again.

    The others get the "Frisbee" treatment only when they are loose on the street and are attacking my dog, which is on a leash. I'm sorry it has to be that way, but if that's what it takes to protect me and my dog while we are observing the leash law -- and the other dog's owner does not -- then that's the way it has to be.


  11. I'm partial to the larger breeds or mixes. My mixed that looked like a Rhodesian ridge back but considerably smaller at 60 lBS was a great companion for 16 years before we were forced to put him down due to health reasons. He protected the expecting with child wife while she was walking her Sheltie around the block on evening, some Pit bull got away from it's owner and our found on the job-site mutt, Butch, kept him at bay until said owner could reel him in.

  12. We have one of each.... A border collie and a Bishon them both and they both look after my chickens. Each dog has their own child that they guard viciously. My 2 boys could not be any safer. The dogs just
    " bite" at different body parts when they defend what is their's ( the boys). :)


  13. I like dogs and cats of all preference right now is the dachshund--I have 3--and I love them to bits. One day my bf and I went out and someone tried to break into the house. They heard my 3 dogs barking and they left. My babies may be little, but they're tough and remember--once you take the bigger guy down by taking out his ankles he's easy to really get at--LOL.

  14. I know this post is really old, but next time you are in the PDX area, contact me to meet a real dog a 5 lb yorkie. Who spent the last 2 days running on the beach chasing seagulls (I let her I knew she couldn't catch them. The only time she barked was when the manager of the inn we were staying at knocked on the door to make sure we were comfortable in the room. Oh she doesn't yap, she barks, loud and deep.

    She can heard ducks, chase squirrels (bigger than her), and will do two laps on a lure course. You are right the dogs could never be on a farm without supervision (in the city a few weeks ago my dog was backing in the back yard, there was a hawk sitting on the garage roof, she was under the BBQ, snarling and barking at it.

    Not all little dogs are bad, think home schooled kids vs public school kids. It's more about the parents (owners) than the dogs (kids). Lazy people tend to go for smaller dogs (less work).

    Getting caught up on your blog but loving it so far.

  15. Hello Patrice!

    I've been following your blog for a year or so and recently went back to the earliest post I could find, and began reading each and every one in chronological order, catching up you might say. Love them all!

    I also read the articles you link to at WND. However, the articles won't come up. Has that website gone out of business or something? If so, that's too bad, 'cause I'd really like to read those articles as well!

    Thanks for a great blog! (I follow Enola Gay's as well.)


    1. Sadly yes, I believe the Regular Guy website is now defunct. I have most (but not all) of my original columns, which I should probably reprint on my blog. Thank you for the reminder.

      - Patrice