This is a letter I lifted from the Dr. Laura website. I thought it was sweet.
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Kids and Dirt
I've heard so many single parents talk on your show, and would like to maybe help them. For 14 years, my son and I have been a team. His father died two months before my son turned 5. Since then, we've had an incredible journey. I was moved to write the other day as I was sweeping the kitchen floor, and this is what came out. Thanks for all you do.
Dirt
I was, once again, sweeping up the dirt on the kitchen floor. Clumps of dirt that fall off the waffle soles of my son's boots, bits of shredded cheese that fall off the counter when he make's himself something to eat, dog hairs from his best friends that find their way into the corners under the cabinets... . But instead of muttering to myself, "Geesh! Will this ever end?" I burst into tears, because it IS coming to an end. My son is now a young man, and will be taking his first solo flight into the world this fall as he leaves the nest for college.
No longer will the dirt be accompanied with the face that runs into the house saying "Look what I just made!" as he shows me the ride-on mower spray painted camouflage green with an utive chair seat welded onto it, or "Come quick, you won't believe what I just found!", as we went and saw the baby bird in it's nest or "My friends and I are going to sit on top of the garage to watch the stars. Is that ok?".
No longer will the dirt be accompanied with a greasy hug (he tinkers with engines all the time now), a pocket full of Lego's (one of his favorite past times), or a flower picked just for me.
And no longer will the dirt fill my home.
But my heart is full and proud. Because the dirt did its job. It nourished and fed my boy: Body, mind and soul. He's grown into a strong, intelligent and caring young man. I know that he will go into this world and carry the dirt with him, spreading his unique style of happiness, his warmth of compassion, and his love of life with him.
Nancy
this should come with a hankie alert! Thanks to Nancy for putting things in perspective as I grumble for the umpteenth time about sweeping up the dirt from my 2 boys shoes.....
ReplyDeleteTina
That's a good message. My daughter is leaving for college in 2 months too. I am looking back over all the mistakes I made with my kids, wishing I could redo some things or do them better, maybe not fuss so much. My kids are doing well (my daughter was just salutatorian, my son was valedictorian of both HS and college), but I am feeling like a failure.
ReplyDeleteWonderful!
ReplyDeleteI am the mother of 7 children, 5 of them boys. They are all grown now, but bringing me cuddly sweet grandbabies. Those grandbabies are all that keep me from crying, missing my little ones not being little anymore, messes and all.
Midge
Anon with daughter leaving for college: Stop it! Stop the guilt trip right now! Been down that road - the trip sucks.
ReplyDeleteI too flogged myself for mistakes I felt I made. Being too angry over his seemingly reckless, self-centered antics.
But then a light bulb clicked in my head. You fool! He may not pick up after himself, but he's still going to college. He may not have taken all his studies serious the first time around but he's still got a soccer scholarship.
And what about the things he DOESN'T do. He doesn't drink, smoke or take drugs. He's aware of the effect it would have on his ability to play his beautiful sport.
He doesn't shack up with loose women because he's seen the devastation it's caused in his friend's lives.
If I had to bet, I would have said he'd never go to church with us voluntarily, yet he goes willingly and eagerly every week he's home.
Once I realized how much he was doing right, I had to let go of the dead weight around my neck. And you know what? I started to enjoy life, and my son, a whole lot more.
So please let go of the guilt of the things you wish you'd done differently. That's the devil talking, trying to wear you down.
From your brief description of their accomplishments there is soooo much more you've done right!!
Congratulations! Be proud!!
Steve Davis
Anchorage, Alaska
My son also starts college this fall after four years in the US Army. Just glad to have him back in the States and back in the state even if I won't get to see him much more than I did in the last 4 years.
ReplyDeleteLorenzo Poe
To Steve, thanks for the admonishment to stop the pity party!... I was putting myself on a guilt trip for not being "perfect" (as if any parent is) ... you listed a lot of things that are true for my kids too...they both are Christians and attend church and Bible studies happily, they don't do drugs, drink, or hang around with kids who do, they are polite and have good manners, they both received scholarships, and I'm so proud of them. Sandy in Ga
ReplyDelete