Saturday, June 26, 2010

Chuckle du jour

A friend forwarded it to me. I gotta admit - I laughed til I cried. Tomato juice???


Like a lot of women, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I find shopping boring and prefer to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. The other day my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart.

Dear Madame:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. January 17: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. January 25: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. February 5: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. February 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.' This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. March 12: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-away.

6. March 20: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. April 2: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. April 10: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. April 21: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. April 22: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. May 5: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. May 22: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. May 30: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. June 11: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. June 15: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.


  1. I hate shopping! I'm gonna give a few of these a try and see if I can't left on occasion.

  2. ROFL. Fun. Must not allow DH to read this... : )

  3. I laughed out loud! Unfortunately, part of the joke fell flat because, as far as I know, Wal Mart is not a union organization.

    (My hubby pointed that out to me.)

    Next time a salesperson asks me if he/she can help me (and sometimes, where I live, it's hard to tell if he's a he or a she), I'm going to do the crying and yelling thing.


  4. I'm not going to let my husband see this, or he'll use some of these to see if he can get left home. ROFL