Saturday, January 29, 2011

Why did the chicken cross the road?

In response to my Chicken Basics post, a reader sent this.

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Dr. Phil:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

George W. Bush:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Colin Powell:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

John Kerry:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

Pat Buchanan:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die in the rain. Alone.

Jerry Falwell:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.'  That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

Barbara Walters:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

John Lennon:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

Bill Gates:
I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ....... reboot.

Albert Einstein:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

Al Gore:
I invented the chicken!

Colonel Sanders:
Did I miss one?

Dick Cheney:
Where's my gun?

Al Sharpton:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.


  1. Now THAT'S funny!!!

    Barack Obama - we are going to build a high-speed rail system before 2030 so that other chickens will have a faster way to cross the road and so we can end our dependency on foreign eggs. We will WIN THE FUTURE, with help from all chickens everywhere (except for those in Arizona). More feed for all chickens, we'll redistribute what the cows get. God Bless all 57 States of America.

    Anonymous Patriot

  2. "Why did the chicken cross the road?" To get from the left to the right. SIR!

    From the movie "Stripes"...

  3. Colonel Sanders....
    There's a recipe for that problem: chicken fried nuggets, extra crispy or regular.
    K in OK

  4. To show the raccoons that it could be done.

  5. And all this time I thought it was to prove to the armadillo that it could be done...

    (or 'possum, depending on where you live ;))

  6. I saw another funny one a while back...

    "Martin Luther King:
    I dream of a day when all chickens will be judged on the content of their character, not on the roads they choose to cross."

    :P -Katie

  7. If Gore invented the chicken then I would like to see some BBQ'D Gore turning over the fire/(Global Warming). What a heroic piece of hypocrite crap he is. I would feed his carcass to the chickens but that would contaminate your food source. it was a funny post Patrice.

  8. I think an environmental impact study should be conducted so that we can determine the best locations to construct chicken underpasses, so that chickens do not have to actually cross the road. We will take ordinary, round, corrugated, galvanized steel drainage culverts and re-name them Chicken Highway Diversion Tunnels and charge the taxpayers nine hundred thousand dollars apiece for them, plus installation at exorbitant rates by a union contractor.

  9. .

    Gunny Sgt R. Lee Ermey would say: "I don't care WHY Feather Britches crossed the road but he better do it On The Double or the next time I see Fluffy Butt is when I'm opening a can of C-Rations ! OORRAAHH!! "


  10. .

    DRAGNET'S Sgt. Joe Friday would say: "On that dirty street of Los Angeles, an amped-out city of bums, conjobs, heroes and chickens, there was little evidence of this alledged 'crossing'... just the tracks, mam, just the tracks."