Country Living Series

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Ack! PANIC!!

I just got word late this afternoon that I have an appointment tomorrow with a salon (to do my hair and makeup) and studio photographer to get my portrait taken for my book cover.

Oh. God.

I don't do well with this kind of thing. I don't consider myself an attractive woman and I take terrible pictures. I knew this formal event was coming - to get a photo taken for the book cover - but it was sort of comfortably far off and I didn't worry about it.

But now it's here. While some women might actually enjoy the process of getting all dolled up for a picture, I'm not one of them. Frankly I'm easily intimidated about this kind of stuff. And the salon the publishers chose - while I'm sure it's perfectly friendly and extremely professional - looks like it has all sorts of daunting high-octane clientele who prefer the funky fusion modern look.


God only knows what they're going to make of a dumpy farm woman who doesn't know one label of makeup from another and who never departs from a single hairstyle (my faithful bun). (Hmmmmm - during the course of the small talk which will undoubtedly take place during this ordeal, I'll be sure to mention that we castrated our bull calf this morning. It will be interesting to watch their expressions.)


So I'm facing tomorrow with knocking knees. Stand by, I'll let you know how it goes.

16 comments:

  1. C'mon, you can handle any dirty job. Just consider this another one.

    You could wear a flannel shirt, cow poop-covered bib overalls, a pair of knee boots, plus a knit cap...in order to look the part of a family farmer. Then the salon can do your hair, nails and makeup - for that glamor shot. Yeah, that's the ticket! Kind of a country girl meets Manhattan thing.

    Anonymous Patriot
    USA

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  2. If it were me, I would be completely honest with the hairstylist and make-up artist. Tell them that you are a very natural person and that you live on a farm, so no need to be glamorous. The good news is that the "natural" look is in. Less is best! Good Luck.

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  3. Ah, if it's a male stylist you might want to skip the castration story.....last thing you want is shaky hands.......

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  4. You'll be fine! Just relax and tell them to keep it natural.

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  5. You've got it, Anonymous Patriot!

    BRILLIANT!!

    And, Patrice, DEFINITELY talk about the fine points of the different methods of castration -- and Rocky Mountain Oysters!

    Bill Smith

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  6. "Anonymous 1:33 am" is right - tell the stylist who you are and what you normally do. A seasoned professional will be able to walk you through it and get to a result that will please you and your publisher. If it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way, to the chagrin of DD. :-) Jennifer

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  7. You'll do fine...=) Don't worry about it and like Anonymous said, be honest with the stylist. They want you to be happy with their work.

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  8. Stop the presses! Isn't getting all gussied up for the photo shoot the antithesis of your book? Simplicity would imply no professional makeup, no fancy hairdo, and no studio photographer. Fact is, a photo of you milking Matilda might be more appropriate. What is your publisher/editor/agent thinking?

    Do we get a sneak peak?

    Anonymous Patriot
    USA

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  9. If you can hand milk a surley cow and deal with all sorts of day to day farm related challenges. This should be easy for you.

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  10. You are beautiful inside, so I imagine you are just as beautiful outside!! God don't make no junk you know! :-) Good luck with it and enjoy it. It's your time to shine.

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  11. With no makeup the photos will blur your brows and eyes, and make lips colorless and limp. Trust me, the makeover will make those photos something more than the snapshots you're used to.

    Enjoy yourself. Make a date for dinner out with your kilt-wearing "guy" while you're looking all shiny. Everyone has beauty, and polishing it up now and then can be fun. You are not a Farm Woman, you are a Woman. Enjoy it.

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  12. You are Woman, let's hear you roar.
    In makeup and hairdo, you're a star.
    Toss the blue jeans, dump the boots
    Pull on some spandex and lift them hoots.
    Paint your nails and brush your pearly whites
    Get yourself ready for those camera lights.

    And when the photog snaps the shutter
    He'd better not hear you suddenly utter:
    "Oh no! I forgot to milk the cow and churn the butter."

    Patrice, I sincerely hope you had a fun time with the photo shoot. Another cool adventure to add to your memoirs.

    Anonymous Patriot
    USA

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  13. ROFLMAO, AP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    - Patrice

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  14. You need some high heels and a five hundred dollar dress to do farm related work Patrice. I think it went well.

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  15. Well, let's see, there's the push-up, mini-skirt, heels and AR-15 look a la Dillon Precision...

    Nope, I think AP hit it square. Overalls, flannel shirt, mucky boots, and then some makeup, lipstick, styled hair and jewelry for a nice juxtaposition. I've got it! Pearls!

    Jeff

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  16. Aww I dunno, Ellie Mae always looked fine!!!

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