Self-Sufficiency Series

Thursday, February 17, 2011

How two states deal with coyotes

California:
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.

South Dakota:
The Governor of South Dakota is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and South Dakota is not.

24 comments:

  1. I love it! In Texas we are inclined to deal with varmits as those South Dakota folks do. Thanks for the chuckle!

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  2. That's why we love it here in SD.

    Nate

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  3. Good one! I posted it on my facebook page. That truly is the difference between the states!

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  4. Absolutely hilarious - posted it on Facebook.
    Kay

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  5. This actually did happen in Texas. Here is the link: www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/04/28/​texas-governor-shoots-kills-coyote-threatened-dog

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  6. Still bashing California, huh Patrice? (And with an old joke, no less.) Yet whom do you call when your cow has an udder problem? The University of CALIFORNIA. Um, could that make you a hypocrite? Just saying.

    It's really not funny to kick anybody (or any state) when he/she/it is down. That's a cheap shot. But laugh while you can because if California falls, the entire country falls. Yeah, you people go ahead and laugh at California's expense. I agree that some of the things going on in this state are ridiculous, but they aren't funny. Since 1 in 8 people residing in the USA lives in California, what happens here will impact every state sooner or later. We should work together to make improvements because the last I heard, this is still the UNITED States of America. And, no, I'm not talking about a bailout. I'm talking about each of you influencing your families and friends who live here to vote more intelligently.

    The other day I heard an interesting fact, seems the state in the USA with the least political clout is IDAHO. So how's that make you feel, Patrice? Not so smug now, I bet.

    You can laugh at California's expense, I prefer to try to make things better. And I'm not going to let the divide-and-conquer mentality that is so rampant in this country today influence my love for every state, even those that are messed up. "United We Stand" still means something to me

    Anonymous Patriot
    California USA

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  7. My great-granny was from S.D. We're in rural central Ca., but when it comes to coyotes, we handle them with big dogs and big shotguns. I think Grandma would be proud.

    On an unrelated topic, I just recieved a notice from Amazon.com to let me know that the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is issuing a BAN ON DROP-SIDE CRIBS, effective June 2011. They sent me this notice because we recently bought a drop-side porta-crib (and are fixing to purchase a drop-side full-size crib as well).

    And here's more good news:
    "Additionally, effective 24 months after the rule is published, child care facilities, such as family child care homes and infant Head Start centers, and places of public accommodation, such as hotels and motels, must have compliant cribs in their facilities by the request of CPSC."

    So, what will happen to all of the "unsafe" cribs currently being used in daycare, hotels, etc.? I think I'll be heading to Craigslist before they all end up in the landfill.

    For more info.
    www.cpsc.gov/CPSCPUB/PREREL/prhtml11/11074.html

    Birdy,
    singing the blues in Central Ca

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  8. Love it. Here in Montana, we think like South Dakotans!

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  9. OK I agree with you all. I like anonymous Patriot and Birdy. Live in CA in the Sacramento area. I deliberately moved here from a less restrictive state. Yes it has problems. yes other states have different problems. I agree with Anonymous Patriot that UNITED is a very important rule. Just because my wife and I disagree does not meant that we will not at the drop of a hat stand united against anyone outside. THAT is the strength of my family and my perception of the strength of the UNITED States. Even those protesting against the current wars would band together to defend this country, To quote Admiral Yamamoto in WWII "I would never invade the United States. There would be a gun behind every blade of grass".

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  10. Calm down A.P. You and your troubled state will go on.(Maybe) The other 49 states would really like to see a spark of sanity from your utterly useless state government. Oopps, I forgot to mention the uneducated and useless electorate.

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  11. The truth be told, here in NC, I shoot the blasted varmits and then have to hide the carcass on the way out the pasture, so my tree hugging neighbors don't call the game warden on me.

    I sure miss living in Texas!

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  12. We moved to Arizona from California. Best thing we ever did! When someone first sent us "how two states deal with coyotes," it was Arizona and California. Happy to know SD, Texas and many other states also have sensible folks who will hopefully take their states back from the deranged progressives! A.P. doesn't sound like much of a patriot to me. California is a beautiful state, but those who are running it (and ruining it) are anything but beautiful. A true patriot doesn't EVER call someone like Patrice a "hypocrite." Because it isn't true, and an honest conservative patriot knows that. Oh, and speaking of "smug," A.P. has more smugness than 100 Patrices. THERE'S a real hypocrite for you! Keep up the good work, Patrice! --Debbie in AZ

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  13. Now now, don't bash AP. I'm from California and my whole family and many friends still live there. It's a state with many fine people in it - none of whom, unfortunately, are running the government.

    - Patrice

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  14. Patrice, this is absolutely what we would have with our new/old governor. After banning the hunting of mountain lions now they are even invading metro areas. I only wish the coyotes and mt. lions would make it to the governor's mansion; he needs a new pet or two. Nice little doggy, err lion.
    It may be an old story, but it is still relevant and those who don't like it can just stay in the state and deal with their problems. As for me, I want out.

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  15. I know you are a native Californian Patrice. I LOVE California. That is what hurts me about my smart ass satire or cryptic comments. I want them to be successful. How about we chop CA in two and make two states out of it. Then we join the two Carolina's together and BAM! WE have a less disfuntional CA and a more united Carolina's. We don't even need new flags. It's still only fifty states. Don't get offended A.P. it's all in good fun.

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  16. Smug? Me?? No! I'd say more like arrogant. But what do I know? Right?!!

    Keep bashing me and my state, but someday you'll be paying the price for your own arrogance and foolish smugness. Don't you people see that? Do you think the federal government is going to leave your states alone? Wake up! Smell the smoke? That's our Constitution being burned at the White House.

    I think by now Patrice knows that I like her, but I LOVE California. I stay here because I want to change the state legislature. I don't run from trouble - I face it. Now get off my back or I'll send Jerry Brown to your state when he's finished ruining this one. (See, that's a sign of arrogance, not smugness.)

    Oh, one more thing. It's all a moot point - the radical Muslims will kill us all by 2020 anyhow. Have a nice day.

    XOXOXOXO
    Anonymous Patriot
    CALIFORNIA, USA

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  17. A.P. we love you. Please calm down. Everybody dies. I have only been to CA three times by automobile and I was loving it all. Even the so called bad places. It's not too late for CA. You have come to a crossroads like the rest of the country. Never lose your faith. See you later.

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  18. I am calm. You should see me when I'm upset. :)

    Anonymous Patriot
    CALIFORNIA, USA

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  19. Yeah. Everybody better lay off A.P. or I'll hafta go all Egypt on y'all!

    Like Patrice, A.P.'s my homegirl so I've gotta have her back. And trust me, if you think she was goin' off on Patrice you don't know her like we do. But any further impugning of her patriotism will get you a glimpse of me going off, and we can all do without that.

    Yes, California's got it bad right now, and I for one fought the good fight there for many years before needing to step away so as to live to fight another day.

    Mark my words, California will rise again, saner heads like A.P.'s will ultimately prevail, and life in the Golden will be restored to its former glory and abundance.

    In the meantime, let's keep a good thought and a prayer for the good folks there who are still hanging in there and working hard against formidable challenges to keep that incomparably beautiful and bountiful state afloat. It's in none of our interests for it to fail, and the consequences would be dire in more ways than one.

    God bless the United States of America. United we stand. Accept no alternatives.

    A.McSp

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  20. A.McSp, you are like the cavalry...always riding to my rescue. I'm putting you in my will, you'll get the cache of nickels. :)

    Here are some interesting facts about California. Anybody willing to paste this URL into your browser might realize just how valuable California is to the rest of the country. We are, ya know.

    http://www.beachcalifornia.com/california-food-facts.html

    -AP, bloodied but not bowed. (There's that arrogance again.)
    California, USA

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  21. Texas Governor Perry did something similar, as already noted in another comment. http://www.kxan.com/dpp/news/strange/gov-perry-shoots-a-coyote-while-jogging

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  22. Oh, and by the way...

    Anybody who thinks a coyote coming on to A.P. wouldn't get shot in its tracks, think again.

    The woman's got a lethal fast draw and nerves of steel.

    Just sayin'.... ;)

    A.McSp

    And she's in MY will....she gets my guitars and my gun.

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  23. SO, I'm so tired of fighting the liberals in this state (CA) that I just want to check out and move to a bomb shelter ... well, not really. Being so close to the citIES of insanity (SF, Berkeley, and every city in Marin county) you feel like you're alone in this state, so it's nice to see I'm not alone. Having said that, sometimes the truth hurts (I don't think anyone is denying that.) I chuckled at your post Patrice, but it was a chuckle with a painful moan.

    It is extremely frustrating to do all that you can do and still not have your voice heard over and over with every election. To be a "conservative" in CA you really must have tough skin. Maybe I'm the insane one? We have thought MANY times of moving somewhere where we would be with others with similar values, but we just can't bring ourselves to leave CA. I LOVE this state for all it's beauty and diversity as well as it's technology and will keep fighting for it.

    In the trenches, :)
    Margaret
    CA

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  24. I have been to Cali..several times.........I can't imagine being a Conservative there..or a Liberal here..for that matter anywhere......hahaaa...But seriously..Oh wait..I was serious.......This country IS gonna have to get back to square one..and not go the way of our Far Left..Far West friends........

    Keg..from..TX

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