Self-Sufficiency Series

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Chuckle du jour

What happens when Hallmark greeting card writers are having a bad day?
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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.

Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
_____________________________

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

_____________________________

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

_____________________________

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

_____________________________

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you...

I've changed my mind.

_____________________________


I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

_____________________________


As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

_____________________________


Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

_____________________________

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky, and West Virginia)

_____________________________

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

_____________________________

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

_____________________________


We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?

_____________________________

I'm so miserable without you...

it's almost like you're here.

_____________________________

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

_____________________________

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

_____________________________


So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay!

4 comments:

  1. And a pair of my old time favorites:

    Gee,I hate you, But you're dumb.

    and...

    Gosh you're ugly, but your'e stupid.

    They kind of lose something without the vocal inflection. lol

    A.McSp.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A.McSp. I don't get it. Gee I'm stupid....:-)

    Here's one:
    I would have sent you a card, but I didn't care enough.

    Anonymous Twit
    USA

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's the way you do it. Money ain't for nothin' if the checks for free. My apologies to Dire Straights. It's still easier than going to visit with some people you would rather not see. I KNOW I sound like an ass! Maybe I am.

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Uncle Dad" can apply in Ohio too - the Southeast meets West Virginia and Kentucky and will give them a run for their reputation! (I would said for their money, but noone has any).
    Jah

    ReplyDelete