Monday, June 27, 2011

Politically incorrect cow joke

(Equal opportunity insults.)

Two cows...

Capitalism, American style: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

Bureaucracy, American style: You have two cows. The government takes the milk and pays you for it and then pours the milk down the drain.

Democracy, American style: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

Democrat: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful.

Republican: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

Socialist: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Communist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

Florida Corporation: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

French Corporation:  You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

Italian Corporation: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

German Corporation: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

Polish Corporation: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

Japanese Corporation:  You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Russian Corporation: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


  1. You forgot one... Congressman Jackson: You have two cows, you self centered racist pig. Those cows have feeling and you stole them from those less fortunate than you. Its time to give them back, we need a Constitutional amendment to make that happen.

  2. did you hear about the herd of 300 cows which have been genetically modified to give HUMAN breast milk?

    I have no cows, and am now afraid to buy a cow cause I really don't want human breast milk.....

  3. Hilarious! Thanks for making me smile.

  4. @ Kellie. Since those GM cows have human DNA, if you eat a steak from them, is it cannibalism?

  5. MooooOOOOo.

    A. McSp

  6. Ah shucks, we're really not that bad here in Florida, it's just some of us can read, and Democritters cannot.

  7. Thought you guys might like this one too ( :


  8. Ahahahahaha! Thanks, needed that!

  9. Stephen, even the Democritters can read, it's just that they didn't like the results that the vote counting machine produced so they were determined to count 'em until they got it right.

  10. LOL! Thanks, Patrice - I needed a laugh today!