Several readers have asked about our dog Major after his appointment with the vet to be put down, and his sudden reprieve of last week.
I'm pleased to report he's doing excellently well. Now that the antibiotics have kicked in and cleared the infection on his head, he's back to his usual duties of sleeping on the couch.
But you know what? That's fine with us. He's a senior citizen and has earned his retirement. But he's also active in the yard, joining Lydia to bark against strange vehicles and nearby deer. We're just so glad to have him healthy again!
And for your Chuckle du Jour, a friend sent me the following and advised that this should be placed very low on your refrigerator door:
Rules for Dogs
• The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that it is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
• The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
• I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It IS NOT necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.
• For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, growl, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine attendance is not required.
• The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
• Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners who Visit and Complain About our Pets:
• They live here... you don't.
• If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"-niture.
• I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
• To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs are better than kids because they:
• Eat less
• Don't ask for money all the time
• Are easier to train
• Normally come when called
• Never ask to drive the car
• Don't hang out with drug-using people
• Don't smoke or drink
• Don't want to wear your clothes
• Don't have to buy the latest fashions
• Don't need a gazillion dollars for college; and
• If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.