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Sunday, July 14, 2013

Utterly artificial ice cream

We've had a frantically busy week here in the Lewis household. We're regularly putting in 14 hour days. We're working on a massive production run of our tankards, the garden takes over two hours of watering a day, I have a number of articles due, and we've had endless other commitments on our time which is making us dizzy with work.

In other words, it's time for some ice cream.

But not good healthy natural ice cream. NoooOOOOoooo. It's time for Utterly Artificial Ice Cream.

A neighbor showed us this recipe a couple years ago, and it embarrasses me to admit how delicious it is, even though the ingredients are (cough) laughably fake.

Here's all it consists of: orange soda, sweetened condensed milk, and fake whipped topping junk. You can add these to the ice cream machine in any order you wish.

(You can see the tools of our trade in the background of the above photo: glue bottles, newspapers, rubber bands, glued-up tankards, etc.)

Into the ice cream maker, I dumped the tub of fake whipped topping junk...

...sweetened condensed milk...

...and ONE liter of soda (in other words, half of a two-liter bottle).

Looks nasty, doesn't it?

Then I smashed some ice...

...and packed the ice cream maker with layers of ice cubes and rock salt.

We got this old ice cream machine at a thrift store for $5 many years ago. It has served up endless buckets of cold treats.

VoilĂ . Utterly Artificial Ice Cream. It tastes exactly like orange creamsicles (remember those?).

A much-needed treat during some looooong hard days of work.


  1. Thanks for sharing the recipe! BTW, could you go back and add the label "recipe" to ALL your recipes so it is easier for me to look them up. I'm really too busy to spend time looking them up by name...

    What...? Like you have anything else to do?


    1. Yeah, in my copious spare time...

      Hope everything's going well for you in your new place.

      - Patrice

  2. even though it's made out of "fake stuff" it looks REALLY TASTY. and the ingredients are cheap :) we will have to try it after a long gardening day!

  3. You know, there is many an unsung hero in history that makes our lives so much better, but we never give them the quiet moment of credit and appreciation due to their "invention" not being trendy or organic or whatever pretentious fad is going on.

    Therefore I lift my coffee cup in quiet salute to the inventors of Cool Whip, orange soda, Velcro on toddler sneakers, those cool little binder clippie thingies, and the genius who thought of putting spandex in denim jeans. If there were Nobel prizes for people who live in the real world...you would have medals and a nifty certificate from Sweden on your walls.

    Now, I'm going to get all the ingredients for Utterly Artificial Ice Cream and make it this week. Thanks Patrice.

  4. Tastes like Orange Creamsicle?



  5. Hmmm, I'm thinking you could use any soda flavor, just not orange (although I do love orange creamsickles). But I have a hankering for root beer ice cream (and grape would be really good too!). Definitely got to find our old ice cream maker, also (it looks just like yours, Patrice (: ), and try this!

  6. Wow Patrice,
    I normally applaud your homesteading efforts, but this?
    I know it is fast and easy, but so is McDonalds and I'm guessing you would never be found there.
    Orange soda and cool whip ingredients alone are so unhealthy. An occasional unhealthy treat isn't going to have much effect on your health if you normally eat well. However, a lot of people read your blog for guidance and direction. This is not going in the right direction.

    There are many brands of orange soda. One of the most popular is Fanta. Other brands include Nehi, Orange Crush, Cadberry Schweppes, Dr. Brown's Minute Maid, Mountain Dew LiveWire, Sunkist, Tropicana, and Royal Crown. Some of the many Orange Fanta ingredients include: carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, sodium benzoate, citric acid, artificial and natural flavors, coconut oil, yellow 6 and red 40 food colorings, brominated vegetable oil, sodium polyphosphates, ascorbic acid, and dioctyl sodium sulfosuccinate.

    Frozen Yogurt is fast and easy to make and full of healthy ingredients. Sorry, I don't mean to be a wet blanket and rarely comment on anything, but for a real food foodie, this was too much.

    1. Guidance and direction! Absolutely! I'm digging out the ice cream maker now.

      Thanks for trying to protect us, but I don't think anyone here thinks she eats this way for every meal. I think we are all old enough not to need the food police. Yogurt is yogurt and it isn't fun like Cool Whip!!

      And she's probably physically worked off the whole batch working around the farm in the last few days.

    2. JD, if you want to eat frozen yoghurt, fine - a pat on the back for always being so healthy. However, this is Patrice's blog and if she wants to make some artificial ice-cream, that's HER business. She's not asking you to make it and she's not responsible for what each of us eats.

      I wish I had an ice-cream maker :-) Jenny

  7. That sounds good on a hot,muggy day...but that's not truly Fake Ice Cream. Look up "Mellorine"-frozen sludge from the '70s.

  8. Oh JD stuff a sock in it! Everybody has a artificial something that makes their day. And frankly, you have no right to put a burden on Patrice of being the moral standard of all things healthy and natural. It's not her responsibility for what I or you eat. If we can't figure it out for ourselves what is healthy and what is not and whether we're willing to put it into our mouths without someone else's guidence, then we don't have enough brains to be reading this blog in the first place.

    But this article does raise one question. What ARE Creamsicles made out of anyway?

    1. I'd like to say "Amen" to that thought you've directed to JD. His/her attitude ticked me off too!!

    2. "What ARE Creamsicles made out of anyway?"

      Probably several things from the 'don't ask don't tell' food groups. lol

      But soooo yummy! And do you remember the big, cylindrically shaped red/orange/yellow popsicles? omg. I can taste it now. To me they taste like the fragrance of red freesia blossoms.

      I gotta stop this before I get such a sweet tooth I wind up driving in to town for bad reasons!!! LOL!

      A. McSp

  9. A thousand thumbs up, Kay. JD may not want to be a wet blanket, but this is a professional level effort. Must be nice to be such a perfect person that you can judge others so thoroughly, ya big meanie. I say put TWO socks in it, and a whole bunch of duct tape.

  10. Try with Welch's Frozen Grape Juice and buttermilk (I think).

    Some friends of ours made this concoction for us once or twice before they fled earthquake country (CA) for Big Bug country (TX).

    Sour and grape goodness.

    I will ask the wife if she has the recipe and we'll email it to you if so.

    Mmmmm... A walk down a twenty year old memory lane.

    Man, that stuff was good...

  11. Since your photos are so good I thought you would like this site.

    1. That's actually one of my favorite websites, but for some reason it won't load properly. I can usually only see slices of each photo. Any techies out there know why this might be?

      - Patrice

  12. Makes me want an ice cream maker! Thanks for sharing. Something will get us all eventually, so why not have a little yummy enjoyment along the way?

    Monsoon Matriarch

  13. Girl, the only thing real about this stuff is the SUGAR!!


    I know you normally don't indulge like this, and the heat of the day and the sound of orange ice cream bars were such that had I been there I'd have been totally looking for seconds! :)

    I'm glad you don't post too many posts about ice cream and pix of your ice cream bucket, because if there were many more I'd be out getting an ice cream bucket of my own and building many many very bad things. lol (The same goes for your cheesecake.)

    We've been having some hot weather, too, finally, and my tomato plants are saying thank you.

    A. McSp

  14. If you would like a healthy alternative to orange creamsicles, use raw milk cream, a couple of raw eggs, honey, cane sugar or stevia to taste, real vanilla and a few drops of doterra wild orange oil. (available at www.mydoterra.com/joyfullyhealthy). The doterra essential oil has the added benefit of helping many with depression and anxiety to boot. There are always tasty good for you choices.

  15. Sometimes ya just want to eat something bad for you! Mmmmmmmmmmm.


  16. Wow, even on a non political post about ice cream, mindless followers rudely attack someone who expresses their different opinion.

    1. Maybe it was the way that "the different opinion" was expressed. It was rude and snarky and deserves snarky remarks back (BTW, Kay, great answer).
      As far as "mindless followers" go, the only mindless followers are the trolls.

    2. Do tell. Who do the trolls mindlessly follow?

  17. Reminds me of the world's easiest summertime dessert pie. Take that same tub of frozen desert topping (old enough to remember the old SNL skit? "It's a dessert topping, and a floor wax!) and stir it up with a large (quart) tub of strawberry yogurt. Pour it into a graham cracker pie crust. Put a few sliced strawberries on top if you like. Freeze it. It'll need to sit out and thaw just a bit so you can slice it.

    Jeff - Tucson

  18. Artificial or not, it sure looks good on a hot sumer day! Thanks for sharing,

    Julie G