Wednesday, October 30, 2019

How to know if you're a prepper

A couple weeks ago, the Organic Prepper had a hilarious post entitled "99 Relatable Things That Only Preppers Will Understand."

It's an absolute riot. Some of my favorites:

16. You garden with a determination and time commitment normally reserved for endurance athletes training for an Ironman triathlon.

27. When the power goes out, you calmly light the candles and proceed with whatever you had been dong previously.

28. A longer-term power outage is called “practice.”

31. You can and dehydrate food with the single-minded fervor of an Amish grandmother facing a 7-year drought.

45. You don’t stock up on milk. You get an actual cow.

50. You yell at the TV every time a commercial for Doomsday Preppers comes on. Oh. Wait. You don’t have a TV. But if you did, you’d yell, because you know how positively ridiculous and unrealistic that show is.

63. Moving to a new house is no longer “moving,” but “strategic relocation.“

Feel free to add your own!


  1. true. Power went out last week, I just clicked on a couple of battery lamps, made coffee on the camp stove rather than the coffeemaker and got ready for work just like any other day.

    By the way, I love Don's new blog. Apparently he and I were separated at birth. :>)

  2. You don't own a swimming pool. You own "emergency water storage you occasionally swim in.

    You don't own an RV. You own "emergency self-contained housing you occasionally practice bugging out with."

  3. This is more fun in the style of Jeff Foxworthy, BTW ...

    You might be a prepper if ... you have a Strategic Bottle Cap Collection, and even though deep down you know that's probably stupid, you are prepared for the future as if it isn't.

    You might be a prepper if ... you describe all of your luggage as "bug-out bags".

    You might be a prepper if ... your cat prefers the taste of MREs to normal cat food.

    You might be a prepper if ... there's something happening to the power grid thousands of miles away, quite possibly even in another country, but yet there you are at Walmart/Asda scoping out the deals on batteries.

    You might be a prepper if ... there is never any room in your vehicle for anyone else to sit because it's always full of "road safety" preps.

    You might be a prepper if ... it's coming up on Halloween Eve and you've made sure you have your ballistic garlic and silver powder launcher with you in the event you run into any vampires.

    And finally ... you might be a prepper if you don't think all of these jokes about preppers are so funny because they sound like the weak and improperly formed humour of the inadequately prepared. :-)

  4. You might be a prepper if... there are no glasses in your kitchen because everyone drinks from canning jars
    and... you are happy when you have to put new tires on your truck, because it means you can expand your tire garden...
    and... your children name all the livestock after recipes ("Paprikash, Barbecue, PotPie")...
    and... you hear "Behave or I will eat you for dinner!" from a small child scolding a chicken pecking another hen...


  5. Your 8-year old knows how to escape from zip tie restraints using her shoe laces.
    Montana Guy

  6. -You trade plants, heirloom seeds, chickens, and fertilized chicken eggs with friends.

    -Your grandkids think every grandma has an egg incubator or a box of chicks under a heat lamp in the kitchen.

    -When your new coworker talks about her Berkey, you know she’s like-minded.

    -You’re more excited about the new seed catalog than Black Friday sales.

    -You can’t believe you found a used greenhouse with a hydroponics set-up for a great price, you and your husband moved it home, and set it up without breaking anything. Year round growing!

    -Your husband asks you if you have enough fruit jars, and you laugh and laugh.

    -When others panic during French Toast Events (Run to the store for bread, milk, and eggs before a snowstorm.), you stay home in your warm house.

    -Others think it’s quaint that you make goats milk soap (You got the milk from your own goats.), but you know it’s a skill that may be needed.

    -You know how to cook from scratch. You even bake your own sourdough bread.

    -You have enough supplies at your workplace that you could live there for days, if needed.

    -Your cousin gets a new Bentley for Christmas the same year that you get a corn desilker, and you’re happier than she is.

    -You don’t even own an electric can opener.

    -You’ve heard “You know you can buy that at the store, don’t you?” more times than you can count.

    -Your friends call you Ma Ingalls.

    All true stories.