I love men! I especially love country men! Here's why.
My girls are visiting friends and my husband was out of town today. I had a rare afternoon to myself to write, clean house, do some barn chores, and batten down some hatches because snow is expected tonight. Nothing unusual. Everything was fine.
A few days ago we moved the cattle from their summer pasture to the wooded side of our property. This way they have access to our limited barn space in bad weather. The older animals are used to the routine, but it's all new to this year's calves, who have never been in the wooded side before.
Then Beefy, our little four-month-old bull calf, escaped. (A neighbor notes that most fences are merely decorative, and I concur.) It's impossible for a lone person to herd a wily little bull calf who doesn't want to be herded and doesn't know where to go. After an hour of increasing frustration (with all the rest of the cattle bellowing in sympathy and looking ready to jump fences themselves), I called the neighbors on one side to get help. No one home. I called the neighbors on the other side. No one home. I called a third neighbor. Not home. Since I was now out of neighbors, I called my friend Enola who lives a mile away and asked if I could borrow her husband to help me herd Beefy back inside the woods.
"I'm in town right now," she said (they only have cell phones, no land lines), "but I'll tell Sir Knight to go over the moment I get home."
I thanked her and tried to calm down. (So much for my quiet peaceful afternoon.)
Within ten minutes I saw an ATV coming down the road. Then another. Then a truck. Then another truck. Up pulls Sir Knight. And Dallas (another neighbor). And Master Hand Grenade (Sir Knight's son). And Sam (a friend). Then Zack and Nathan (Sam's sons). Suddenly I had six strapping men and teenage boys, all come to my rescue!
"When you put out the alarm, we don't mess around!" announced Sir Knight with a grin.
With so many willing hands, little Beefy didn't stand a chance. He was back with his mama in five minutes.
Oh, I just LOVE country men!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
People of Walmart
Okay, so I contracted a bad cold a couple days ago. I've been going through the week in a haze of coughing and aching and snorting and hacking and being unable to think clearly (you know how it goes). This morning I needed some brain candy so I started trolling the People of Walmart website.
First thing up was a photo so painful to look at that I decided I needed an aspirin:
But this one caught me by surprise. I was so shocked I immediately went into a coughing/hacking phase:
I think I'll go back to bed now.
First thing up was a photo so painful to look at that I decided I needed an aspirin:
But this one caught me by surprise. I was so shocked I immediately went into a coughing/hacking phase:
I think I'll go back to bed now.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
No no! Entitlements good!
In response to last weekend's column in which I lamented the desire for people to get entitlements for everything from starting a business to getting health care, I received the following email:
_________________________
You have better wake up to the realities of the 21st Century. There are no jobs out there and those few good jobs that do exist are going to the minorities and overseas workers due to diversity, Affirmative Action and visas (Over 70% of the new jobs are going to illegal aliens).
You are writing about the realities of the time prior to President Ronald Reagan. This was the president who changed everything and put America on the skids from which we will never recover.
President Reagan was the person who with his amnesty program opened the door to the fifty million illegal aliens and their stealing of tens of millions of jobs and hundreds of billions of our welfare dollars.
This is the president who with his Free Trade policies allowed tens of millions of our good jobs to go overseas and to Mexico, resulting in tens of millions of Americans settling for jobs paying half of their former wages. And this is the president who violated the civil service laws and had tens of thousands of tenured Federal employees thrown out in the streets, never to get a good job again. (I was one.)
Wake up, sister. You have been living in the woods too long.
___________________________
I'm sitting here trying to wrap my mind around the idea that this guy is still blaming Ronald Reagan for his inability to get another job that paid as well as his government job. Uh, sir, it's been 21 years since Reagan left office. And you haven't been able to "get a good job" since then? Have you considered going back to school or something?
Which leads back to my original point in the article: Why are YOU entitled to MY help in obtaining a job?
Just asking.
_________________________
You have better wake up to the realities of the 21st Century. There are no jobs out there and those few good jobs that do exist are going to the minorities and overseas workers due to diversity, Affirmative Action and visas (Over 70% of the new jobs are going to illegal aliens).
You are writing about the realities of the time prior to President Ronald Reagan. This was the president who changed everything and put America on the skids from which we will never recover.
President Reagan was the person who with his amnesty program opened the door to the fifty million illegal aliens and their stealing of tens of millions of jobs and hundreds of billions of our welfare dollars.
This is the president who with his Free Trade policies allowed tens of millions of our good jobs to go overseas and to Mexico, resulting in tens of millions of Americans settling for jobs paying half of their former wages. And this is the president who violated the civil service laws and had tens of thousands of tenured Federal employees thrown out in the streets, never to get a good job again. (I was one.)
Wake up, sister. You have been living in the woods too long.
___________________________
I'm sitting here trying to wrap my mind around the idea that this guy is still blaming Ronald Reagan for his inability to get another job that paid as well as his government job. Uh, sir, it's been 21 years since Reagan left office. And you haven't been able to "get a good job" since then? Have you considered going back to school or something?
Which leads back to my original point in the article: Why are YOU entitled to MY help in obtaining a job?
Just asking.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Dexter affairs
Sorry for the silence! I've been slammed with multiple deadlines this week. I had my usual column due last Friday, another one due next Friday, an article due this morning for Crafts Report Magazine, and I had an (ahem) exciting mystery surprise also due last Friday (I won't report yet what it is, but keep your fingers crossed - it could be good news).
But my biggest shindig at the moment is putting the finishing touches on the layout for a quarterly magazine I do for the Purebred Dexter Cattle Association. This is a big issue, sixty pages. It was technically due today but I'm not quite finished.
Those are our cattle on the front cover. I took the picture two winters ago when we were still baling round instead of square bales. The bales look enormous but that's only because they're up close. In reality they're only about five feet high.
But my biggest shindig at the moment is putting the finishing touches on the layout for a quarterly magazine I do for the Purebred Dexter Cattle Association. This is a big issue, sixty pages. It was technically due today but I'm not quite finished.
Those are our cattle on the front cover. I took the picture two winters ago when we were still baling round instead of square bales. The bales look enormous but that's only because they're up close. In reality they're only about five feet high.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
A Christmas Wish
’Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.
See the PC Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a ‘Holiday.’
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!
CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.
As Targets were hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.
Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not Happy Holiday!
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.
See the PC Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a ‘Holiday.’
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!
CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.
As Targets were hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.
Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not Happy Holiday!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Not a good day
We had to put our cat to sleep this morning.
We got Hopi as a tiny kitten on the weekend of July 4th, 1996 when our oldest daughter was six months old. We named him Hopi because he had the colors of the southwest in him - blue eyes, white and orange fur. Gorgeous animal.
Hopi has been an indoor cat for the last few years. He went missing on Saturday, and I found him around midnight Saturday night. He'd managed to crawl behind a stack of books in a spare bedroom. One leg wasn't working properly. I thought at first he had dislocated it, but when I brought him to the vet this morning, she said it was probably blood clots, and the leg was essentially dead. He also had congestive heart failure, failing lungs, and a host of other difficulties.
It all happened so quick. It's hard to believe I never have to kick him off my keyboard again. Or that he won't be sneaking under the covers on our bed on a cold winter night. Up to this point he looked like a perfectly healthy cat - like an elderly statesman, dignified and a bit goofy.
Damn.
We got Hopi as a tiny kitten on the weekend of July 4th, 1996 when our oldest daughter was six months old. We named him Hopi because he had the colors of the southwest in him - blue eyes, white and orange fur. Gorgeous animal.
Hopi has been an indoor cat for the last few years. He went missing on Saturday, and I found him around midnight Saturday night. He'd managed to crawl behind a stack of books in a spare bedroom. One leg wasn't working properly. I thought at first he had dislocated it, but when I brought him to the vet this morning, she said it was probably blood clots, and the leg was essentially dead. He also had congestive heart failure, failing lungs, and a host of other difficulties.
It all happened so quick. It's hard to believe I never have to kick him off my keyboard again. Or that he won't be sneaking under the covers on our bed on a cold winter night. Up to this point he looked like a perfectly healthy cat - like an elderly statesman, dignified and a bit goofy.
Damn.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Goofy puppy pix
I was making applesauce the other day, using my apple peeler on the apples. Younger Daughter took some of those loooooong peels and fed them to Lydia. It was like watching someone trying to eat spaghetti.
Gosh, what am I doing posting goofy puppy pix on my blog, much less making applesauce? I should be debating constitutional issues with Ralph.
Okay okay, I’ll stop.
Gosh, what am I doing posting goofy puppy pix on my blog, much less making applesauce? I should be debating constitutional issues with Ralph.
Okay okay, I’ll stop.
Frightful and baby doing fine
A couple days ago, before this hideous wind kicked up, we let Frightful and the chick out of the coop to see the wide, wide world. (Note the mess as Don works to weatherize the coop before the snow flies.)
The other chickens were curious about the baby, but Frightful chased them off. Including the roosters.
Oh gosh, I guess I shouldn't be sharing photos of the chick. I should be debating constitutional issues with Ralph. Oops.
The other chickens were curious about the baby, but Frightful chased them off. Including the roosters.
Oh gosh, I guess I shouldn't be sharing photos of the chick. I should be debating constitutional issues with Ralph. Oops.
Cows in the cornstalks...
After a night of absolute screaming wind (it's still screaming, actually), I woke up to find all our livestock in the garden.
It's not a big deal since everything is harvested, except for some onions that got stomped, but that's okay.
Fortunately the garden gate was shut so nobody escaped down the driveway. The only reason I have to worry about cows in the cornstalks is because the garden is contiguous with our young orchard, and cows are famous for either eating buds or, worse, using tree trucks as scratching posts and snapping the trees in half.
The livestock pushed open a part of the fence that was stapled to the back of the loafing shed (the white structure). Right now it's early and everyone's still asleep, but as soon as Don gets up we'll get on our warmest clothes and go fix the fence.
Oh wait, I shouldn’t be chasing cows or fixing fences, I should be debating constitutional issues with Ralph. My bad.
It's not a big deal since everything is harvested, except for some onions that got stomped, but that's okay.
Fortunately the garden gate was shut so nobody escaped down the driveway. The only reason I have to worry about cows in the cornstalks is because the garden is contiguous with our young orchard, and cows are famous for either eating buds or, worse, using tree trucks as scratching posts and snapping the trees in half.
The livestock pushed open a part of the fence that was stapled to the back of the loafing shed (the white structure). Right now it's early and everyone's still asleep, but as soon as Don gets up we'll get on our warmest clothes and go fix the fence.
Oh wait, I shouldn’t be chasing cows or fixing fences, I should be debating constitutional issues with Ralph. My bad.
Snark of the week
In last week’s column, I invited people to tell me why they thought the Constitution was flawed or unfair, or with what parts they disagree. I concluded the column by saying, “Write and tell me why you think the Constitution is limited or flawed. Keep your answers as short as possible, and I'll report them in next week's column.”
As you can imagine, I got quite a response from a large number of readers, which I thought was great. Some people ignored the “keep your answers short” part and wrote a lot of stuff, but hey, that’s okay. I’m willing to read.
One of those people was “Ralph.” He wrote me a 1050-word explanation as to how he feels the Constitution is flawed. It was well-researched and well-written, but obviously far far too long for me to include in this weekend’s column. So I replied by saying, “Some excellent points - thanks for taking the time to send them.”
Oooooh, big mistake.
Ralph is obviously one of those people who thinks I spent my entire week just waiting for his email. Not satisfied with my admittedly short reply, he wrote: “Fascinating one-liner Patrice. Thanks for taking the four seconds to send it. I'd compliment your excellent points, in return, but, gee, you made none. Must not be a topic you really care to consider. Sorry to have cost you the four seconds. May the chains bear lightly…”
Miffed, I answered as follows:
“Sorry to offend, but I had 98 other emails to answer (literally), a cow to milk, my kids to homeschool, a woodworking business that required my attention, a column which is due tomorrow, a manuscript due next week, two sets of out-of-town music lessons to drive my kids to, a cow to milk again, and a house to maintain. I could have ignored your email altogether and not bothered to reply, but if someone is kind enough to send me something to read, I like to read it. I just don't have the time to write a tome in response.”
Not satisfied, Ralph wrote back:
“Had it been something I just did a copy/paste on I'd take no offense. However, I'm sure you can tell that it took a bit of my time. (Not counting the 100s of hours spent in research prior, so I could answer a question).
Had it been something I just sent to you out of the blue I'd take no offense. However, it was in response to your request.
If you've too little time to read, comprehend and minimally discuss an answer to your own question, the latter to act as a confirmation that you did read and comprehend the response, then perhaps you ought not to pose the question. The responder is very likely to take offense. Wouldn't you?
I could list a litany of my own scheduled events, interrupted so that I could answer your question, but I'd find that to be as non sequitur as your list.
Perhaps when your children's lessons arrive at the U.S. History segment regarding Wilson and the Treaty of Versailles you'll recall the uselessness of the subject matter (to American students) and be able to tell them what really happened, not what's implied in all the textbooks. That won't much divert your schedule. Hopefully, when they question why all the textbooks fail to accurately cover the topic, you'll have an answer for them.”
Okay, so Ralph is one of those readers who assumes he’s the only one who responded, the only one who deserves a 1500 word reply, and the only one to whom I should give any attention. Got it.
Ralph clearly missed the “keep your answers short” part. The purpose of my request for input was to “report them in next week’s column” (as I stated), NOT to engage in a protracted back-and-forth debate, a subtlety Ralph obviously failed to grasp.
When such misunderstandings occur, normally I would question whether my request was badly-phrased or otherwise unclear; but the 82 other people who replied got the right idea, so I don’t think that’s the case.
Not quite sure what this guy wants me to do except get into a pissing contest with him. Sorry, no can do. Ain’t got time. Instead, I think I’ll ignore all future missives from dear ol’ Ralph. People like him make me nervous.
As you can imagine, I got quite a response from a large number of readers, which I thought was great. Some people ignored the “keep your answers short” part and wrote a lot of stuff, but hey, that’s okay. I’m willing to read.
One of those people was “Ralph.” He wrote me a 1050-word explanation as to how he feels the Constitution is flawed. It was well-researched and well-written, but obviously far far too long for me to include in this weekend’s column. So I replied by saying, “Some excellent points - thanks for taking the time to send them.”
Oooooh, big mistake.
Ralph is obviously one of those people who thinks I spent my entire week just waiting for his email. Not satisfied with my admittedly short reply, he wrote: “Fascinating one-liner Patrice. Thanks for taking the four seconds to send it. I'd compliment your excellent points, in return, but, gee, you made none. Must not be a topic you really care to consider. Sorry to have cost you the four seconds. May the chains bear lightly…”
Miffed, I answered as follows:
“Sorry to offend, but I had 98 other emails to answer (literally), a cow to milk, my kids to homeschool, a woodworking business that required my attention, a column which is due tomorrow, a manuscript due next week, two sets of out-of-town music lessons to drive my kids to, a cow to milk again, and a house to maintain. I could have ignored your email altogether and not bothered to reply, but if someone is kind enough to send me something to read, I like to read it. I just don't have the time to write a tome in response.”
Not satisfied, Ralph wrote back:
“Had it been something I just did a copy/paste on I'd take no offense. However, I'm sure you can tell that it took a bit of my time. (Not counting the 100s of hours spent in research prior, so I could answer a question).
Had it been something I just sent to you out of the blue I'd take no offense. However, it was in response to your request.
If you've too little time to read, comprehend and minimally discuss an answer to your own question, the latter to act as a confirmation that you did read and comprehend the response, then perhaps you ought not to pose the question. The responder is very likely to take offense. Wouldn't you?
I could list a litany of my own scheduled events, interrupted so that I could answer your question, but I'd find that to be as non sequitur as your list.
Perhaps when your children's lessons arrive at the U.S. History segment regarding Wilson and the Treaty of Versailles you'll recall the uselessness of the subject matter (to American students) and be able to tell them what really happened, not what's implied in all the textbooks. That won't much divert your schedule. Hopefully, when they question why all the textbooks fail to accurately cover the topic, you'll have an answer for them.”
Okay, so Ralph is one of those readers who assumes he’s the only one who responded, the only one who deserves a 1500 word reply, and the only one to whom I should give any attention. Got it.
Ralph clearly missed the “keep your answers short” part. The purpose of my request for input was to “report them in next week’s column” (as I stated), NOT to engage in a protracted back-and-forth debate, a subtlety Ralph obviously failed to grasp.
When such misunderstandings occur, normally I would question whether my request was badly-phrased or otherwise unclear; but the 82 other people who replied got the right idea, so I don’t think that’s the case.
Not quite sure what this guy wants me to do except get into a pissing contest with him. Sorry, no can do. Ain’t got time. Instead, I think I’ll ignore all future missives from dear ol’ Ralph. People like him make me nervous.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Gun control is using two hands
A few friendly reminders from those of us who take the Second Amendment seriously.
If you agree, pass this blog post on.
If you agree, pass this blog post on.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Birth of an elephant
No, not here on our farm - what a thought - but here's a nifty video clip about an elephant giving birth. It might be a little graphic for you squeamish types, but if you've seen as many cows having calves as we have, it's fascinating.
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