I called my dad yesterday (Mother's Day). I can't talk to my mom anymore since she's in a nursing home, and so I called my dad instead.
As it turns out, he wasn't home when I called. That's because he was with two of my brothers and sisters-in-law, all of whom were visiting my mom, so that was nice to know. Dad called me back this morning and we caught up.
He told me that Mom hadn't seen one of my sisters-in-law ("V") in quite some time. The moment V. walked in, Mom said – clear enough that even Dad could hear it (Dad is quite deaf) – "Hello. How is your father?"
Dad was ecstatic.
V. is from Russia, and her father had suffered a stroke a few years ago. V. had to travel all the way to Moscow and then on to Siberia to care for him in the immediate aftermath. Mom's mind was sharp enough to remember V's struggles, and to ask V. how her father was doing.
Dad confirms that Mom's brain, underneath the symptoms of her own stroke and serious bout of pneumonia over the New Year, is still chugging along bright and alert. We agreed it must be intensely frustrating that she can't always communicate her thoughts.
Still, Dad admitted that Mom is receiving not just excellent care in her nursing home, but far more socialization than she would have gotten at home, so he's come to terms with it. I'm grateful he only lives a couple miles away from her facility.
Beautiful update, thank you! Thankfully, your Dad is receiving socialization through visiting your Mom. I'm sure her caregivers love him just as much as they love her!
ReplyDeleteI get it. (This is Krab--I have a new laptop and I'm too tired to figure out my old blogger login right now.) My mom died two years ago today and sometimes I feel a little frantic with grief because she is gone and I can't talk to her. However, the last words my father (ten years ago) spoke to me was "How is your mother?" They had a great marriage and partnership for 53 years and I hope they are together somewhere arguing about Scrabble.
ReplyDeleteI cared for my dad after his strokes until he passed away about 3 years ago. My mom now has dementia. It breaks my heart.
DeleteI'm sorry your mom is gone, Krab. My mom died last year, and I still find myself thinking "I'll have to remember to tell Mom about that" before I catch myself. It's an ache that can't be remedied very well in this life.
DeleteI'm sorry you've lost your parents Krab. My dad's been gone over two decades and I still feel a pang missing him now and then. Losing a parent makes you feel like an orphan no matter how old you are. Sounds like you had good ones.
DeleteMy condolences, Krab. Hang in there.
ReplyDelete- Patrice
Well, now that is good to hear! :) PTL!
ReplyDeletethose little moments mean so much
ReplyDeleteI don't know the extent of your mom's issues, but since it appears she is still mentally there, she just has problems communicating, can they attempt to use a tablet style speech device with her. They are most commonly used for special needs kids who cannot speak or communicate effectively, but also are used for many people with other disabilities including stroke victims and those with TBIs who just cannot communicate well. They can be programmed many ways, with pictures representing certain things, or complete phrases. I know several people battling advanced MS who can no longer speak properly and have severe motor skill issues with their hands, but use a tablet to easily communicate their needs. It's often covered by insurance too. Glad to hear your mom had a nice mother's day.
ReplyDeleteI "talk" to my mom on the phone every day. Some days she is more responsive than others, but she knows it's me. My sister helps this conversation. Sometimes I hear Momma ask if it's me, and she'll laugh at things I talk about. I try to relate funny things happening regarding my pets since she loves animals.
ReplyDeleteWe sing old fashioned songs which she remembers. Sometimes she sings along, sometimes she sings quietly.
I pray with her every day too . My sister has made up some cue cards which helps a lot. So after the prayer, there's one that says "say amen". Sometimes it works. Sometimes she'll just laugh. And it's all ok. She'll be 99 in a few weeks and it's wonderful to have this time every day, even though she's lost a lot of her ability to actually talk this last year. Unless she gets mad. Then she can speak quite clearly and to the point! But usually words seem a little garbled.
The music thing is important. For some reason it's something (singing) that we hold on to the longest. It's always uplifting too.
Once upon a time staff helped connect us on the phone back when she just needed help dialing.
But they don't keep staff very long anymore, and are usually understaffed, so I'm fortunate my sister lives nearby.
Anyway, today was a good day. She both sang and talked, and said "amen" after praying. I'm so lucky to still have her.
Alive Inside is a documentary that was released in 2014 about music therapy and dementia. It is fascinating and beautiful. It is available on YouTube. There is a short about one resident named Henry and he comes "alive" hearing Cab Calloway music from his younger days. Sweet tears come to my eyes watching this!
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