Country Living Series

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Giga-ridiculous

We interrupt your boring, humdrum lives to bring you a slice of Rich'n'Famous ridiculousness.

Recently Daily Mail UK profiled a "gigamansion" being built in Los Angeles which will have "20 bedrooms, 30 bathrooms, a 30-car garage, a two-story waterfall and a 40-seat home theater." Oh, and don't forget five (five!) swimming pools, "a temperature-controlled room for storing fresh flowers and a sitting room surrounded by jellyfish tanks instead of walls." The price is a trifling $500 million. Half a billion bucks.


Actress Jennifer Aniston, whose humble $21 million log cabin is next door, seems particularly miffed at the massive construction taking place nearly in her backyard.


(Aniston is no slouch in the Rich'n'Famous ridiculousness category. Apparently her husband "admitted that his wife had so many outfits that they had to renovate one part of the garage area into a 2,000 sq ft wardrobe at an estimated $60,000 cost. 'We made an extension on our house. We found more room to sort of create a better bathroom and a closet,' he says.")

Far be it for me to ever find common ground with the likes of Jennifer Aniston, but I do find myself sympathetic in this case. At 100,000 square feet, it's like having a mall built right next door.

I found myself particularly struck by the five swimming pools. Why five? Is there a different pool for each day of the week? For different moods? Why just five? Why not, say, eighteen? Are the potential buyers of this gigamansion such avid swimmers that they require five pools to meet their needs?


These kinds of "gigamansions" are almost comical in that the developers seem to run out of ideas for new luxurious amenities to include, so instead they fall back on building multiples of stuff, like swimming pools. I guess there comes a point -- when the size is off the scale -- that architects just don't know what else to add. "I know -- we'll add another pool and push the house's square footage up another 10,000 feet!"

The developer himself admits most of what he's building is for show. The glass-walled library will have a double-height ceiling and be surrounded on three sides by water, but it's not a place for reading. "Nobody really reads books," the developer says, "so I'm just going to fill the shelves with white books, for looks."


(Bonus question: If "nobody really reads books" anymore, why did you include a library?)

The house is being built on spec. "We have a very specific client in mind," says the developer. "Someone who already has a $100 million yacht and seven houses all over the world, in London and Dubai and whatever. To be able to say that the biggest, most expensive house in the world is here, that will really be good for LA."

GQ Magazine notes something funny about these enormous homes: They're not really homes "in the usual sense of the word. Most buyers live on other continents and visit these properties for only a week or two each year, using them mainly as places to park their wealth." (In other words, it's the world's most expensive hotel.)

As it turns out, there is another gigamansion already built in Los Angeles, this one a paltry $250 million and a modest 38,000 square feet. By gigamansion standards, its amenities are lowly: 12 bedrooms, 21 bathrooms, three kitchens, six bars, a massage room and spa, fitness center, two wine-champagne cellars, two commercial elevators (lined in alligator skin), the "most advanced home theater in any U.S. home," and an 85-foot infinity pool.


Oh, and a candy room. Don't forget the candy room.


It comes pre-furnished with $30 million worth of cars, millions in fine art, and six-figure Roberto Cavalli table settings, thus saving the busy billionaire valuable time and energy in selecting his possessions himself.

Forget owning such a place. I think the very best position to be in would be the live-in staff.

This has been your glimpse into the lifestyle of Rich'n'Famous ridiculousness. You may now return to your regularly scheduled boring, humdrum lives.

21 comments:

  1. I wonder if they wear GPS bracelets to find each other in such a massive structure.--SuccotashRose

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  2. I'll bet the pool builder, electrician, cabinetry provider, etal are very grateful for the work. What else do you want these people to do with their money? Would it be better giving it to the .gov for "equitable distribution"?

    Timmy

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  3. Just this morning I read about this mansion modeled after the Versaille Palace in France. Don't tell Darcy, but it has an air conditioned canine room for the guard dog!

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3314551/America-s-expensive-home-Massive-Florida-estate-inspired-Palace-Versailles-sold-whopping-159-million-owner-increased-price-tag.html

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  4. Some of these 'houses' are actually used by their owners; many of them are used by those who don't trust banks to not snitch on where they have their money stored. This is the reason for a new government rule that requires recording the 'true owners' of houses over $1 or $2 million in certain counties around the US (including LA county). This is because many of these homes are registered under the name of corporations or trusts to hid ownership and the government is concerned about money laundering and that the houses are bought with ill-gotten gains. Of course, I'm sure the real reason is gaining more knowledge and control!

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  5. I can't help myself from laughing when my mind goes to a vision of the full time maid it's going to take to just clean the bathrooms .

    Dee in the South West

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  6. Replies
    1. the old hymn "Earth holds no treasures but perish with using..."

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  7. I was under the impression there was a drought in Calif. I'm sure these people are very concerned about global warming too.

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  8. I recently told my husband that many homes I see online simply lack a personal touch. The rooms are picture perfect but I don't see touches of real life .ike photos of loved ones, books laying about being read, knickknacks that have a personal memory. It all is so sterile, the blanket perfectly sitting in the back of the sofa, never been placed on a sleeping child or husband, or pans hanging from the ceiling but never a grease smudge left on it from cooking a meal for loved ones. Recently someone came in our home (for business) and commented about how many photos I had of my family. I agree I have a lot but I love seeing the memories right there, everywhere I turn, reminding me of the special bond I have with these people in the photos. No, people can have their big oversized houses. They will never be what I want, which is a true place to call home. I'm already blessed so many times over!

    Ouida Gabriel

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  9. I'd kinda like 5 swimming pools: one for trout, one for bass, one for pike , one for blue gills and one for hunting ducks. And all of those bathrooms would be handy for us old guys when the neighbors are too close to piss off of the porch. But I'm really impressed with all of that garage space. I could buy 4 more tractors!!! ---ken

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  10. Can I please have one of those bathrooms? Heck, I'd even be happy with a half bath! LOL!

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  11. I have to admit, I'm jealous. The all too human part of me longs for possessions and great things. If I had a billion dollars I'd snatch up that mansion in a second. Of course, then I'd probably convert it to a homeless shelter instead of living there myself, but still.

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  12. i bet the candy is stale.
    those places are really just hotels.
    the next earthquake could make it an exercise in futility.

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  13. out of all this it's the bathrooms I can never fathom why double to bathrooms to rooms?

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  14. I'll take my old bookshelf filled with battered, well - read, and well - loved BOOKS (gasp! ... actual books) over a pseudolibrary "library" any day. Out of all the ridiculousness in this post, the library strikes me as the most insane.

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  15. Maybe it is all about convenience, picture this...you're in bathroom #17 and decide it is time for a dip in the pool. Closest pool is Pool #3, perfect. Only one wing over. LOL crazy.

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  16. And to what are the homeowners going to do when the cook leaves to take care of their family after SHTF? The homeowner does not know how to cook the lobster before it goes bad.

    Oh no they now need to bug out, but they do not know how to drive any car in their fleet of cars.

    Oh.........Poor..........Stupid people........

    They will be the first to be killed..........As their money will not be able to keep their staff and body guards protecting them.........And they will not eat rice and beans............

    Oh.........Poor..........Stupid people........

    Well I am happy on my little homestead with a well and septic system and wood stove.

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  17. As one who lives in Los Angeles County, I find this amazing that they got the building permits. But then again, those permits and environmental studies added a lot of funds to the county coffers. We are still in a drought, so FIVE pools? No helicopter pad? Also, the property taxes, at 1% of the purchase price, plus bond indebtedness would be astounding! And yet the county is continually broke...

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  18. My wife and I lived in a 10' Conex shipping container for our 1st Montana winter. We would not have traded our little 'Home Sweet Home' for any 'structure' in any city, including this monstrosity.
    Montana Guy

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    Replies
    1. I know how you feel. I'll stick with my little three bedroom house in the country. After all, the mansion doesn't have a barn or chicken coop.

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  19. Well, in my little corner of the world I'm excited to be getting a screened in back porch with an outdoor kitchen.

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