So when my brother (also a phone-phobe) sent me a link to a nifty new product, I had to check it out.
Introducing the spiffy new and improved ... NO-PHONE ZERO!!
According to the website, the NoPhone ZERO "is the least advanced phone ever created by mankind. A downgrade from the original NoPhone, the NoPhone ZERO features no buttons, no logos and most importantly, no phone. Change the life of someone you care about tomorrow by pre-ordering the NoPhone ZERO today."
What's not included:
- Texting Your Ex-Boyfriend or Ex-Girlfriend
- Location Tracking
- Browsing History
- Data Overages
- Dead Batteries
Just in case you're unclear on the concept, they offer this technical diagram:
For those obsessed with self-photography, you can upgrade to the optional NoPhone SELFIE version:
According to the website: "Upgrade your NoPhone to the only feature available for the NoPhone, a small adhesive backed mirror. Enjoy taking a real-time selfie and remembering the time you did. Add a real friend for a real-time group selfie. The options are endless if you keep repeating them in different ways."
The company also offers a couple's version of the NoPhone.
Your life or the life of someone you care about will change forever when you receive a NoPhone in the mail.
- One NoPhone
- One Instruction Manual (how not to use it)
- More of your attention
- Real friends
Testimonials include the New York Times ("Always have a rectangle of plastic to clutch!"), Fast Company ("A security blanket phone addicts are taking seriously"), TechCrunch ("Pay attention without having a panic attack") and TIME ("A simulation of your comfort object, helping you slowly abandon it").
Ladies and gentlemen, I think these folks have invented the most perfect phone ever ... though my brother muses sarcastically, "Not sure how long the battery lasts."