I'm sitting here at an airport, waiting for a plane. Yep, I'm on the road again.
My mother is not doing well, and my brothers (who live considerably closer than I do) have been wonderful in helping my dad care for her. A couple weeks ago, when her degenerating health reached a crisis point, she was transferred first to the hospital and then to a nursing home. We are not certain yet whether she will come home.
So, I need to visit, if for no other reason than to support my dad while he deals with this new stage in life. My parents have been married – more like joined at the hip – for 66 years, so as you can imagine he misses her fiercely.
Anyway, this is to explain why Don and I left at 8 am this morning and drove to the airport (over four hours away). We didn't need to leave this early since my flight doesn't leave until 6 pm, but we both wanted him to be able to drive home during daylight hours.
So here I am, with three more hours to kill before my flight.
Fortunately I have my laptop, so I'm working on my daily half-chapter for my next Amish Inspirational. With this much time to kill, it will likely turn into a full chapter.
Meanwhile the dude you see walking away has paced back and forth at least 15 times, having a rather loud conversation with a business associate on one of those bluetooth gizmos where he looks like he's talking to himself. It's hard to tell whether it's a legitimate business conversation, or he's just showing off his technology. Probably a little of both.
I won't arrive at my destination until 10 pm tonight, and my youngest brother will pick me up and I'll spend the night at his house.
My goal for the foreseeable future is to make myself as helpful as possible to my dad as we assess my mother's future care.
It's hard watching one's parents approach the end of life.
Oh Patrice, my heart is with you in this most difficult time. I am navigating the same path with my maternal grandmother currently. Prayers for comfort and peace for you and your family. KinCa
ReplyDeleteCircle of life. My condolences and warmest wishes for peaceful and less stressful transitions. These situations are never pleasant or easy when loved ones are involved. Thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family..
ReplyDeletePositive thoughts and prayers for your Mother, you and your whole family.
ReplyDeleteIn October of last year my husband had a stroke. I had to put him in a skilled nursing facility which is a fancy name for a nursing home. Our lives have drastically changed but I am aiming to bring him home to our homestead one day. Please give your dad all the support you can. Without our children helping me and him I don't know what I would do. Praying for your family.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing harder, is losing them. Cherish the time, and ask all the questions you can think of. So many things I wish I had asked.....
ReplyDeletePatrice. Please know you are in my prayers. I totally understand . I was my husband's and my mils caretaker before they passed and am now helping to take care of my 98 year old mother. Certainly not easy. May the Lord be with you and your family.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family as you enter this stage.
ReplyDeleteYou and your family are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteSafe travels. Prayers for your Mother and your Father.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry to hear about your mom. God bless you and your family in this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteMy mother wound up in a facility a decade ago, and in many respects is OK. During this time she has had co-vid twice, multiple hospitalizations for UTI's, and numerous other issues. The positive note is a sister goes over every day because she lives nearby. Positive for my mother, not so much for the sister. Our family is scattered to the 4 winds so it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteThis scenario can go a bunch of different ways. One set of grandparents years ago wound up sharing a room, which has plusses and minuses. A plus is they're together. That plus turns into a minus if someone takes a bad turn. In our case, one went home to the Lord and the other followed shortly thereafter.
The place my mom is in sold us on many things, which all changed over time. It is basically a short staffed piece of nice real estate producing income while it appreciates in value. Good employees don't last and agencies wind up supplying most staff. Many of the staff are here on visas and are the go-to hire because benefits do not have to be paid. Then there also some language barriers, although I must say, the people from other countries mostly do seem to care. They are just too stretched out from being understaffed.
If your mom can still talk a phone is a must. And even if she can't talk back, being able to hear the voice of loved ones is good. I pray with and for my mom every day over the phone, and we sing songs together that she remembers. Beyond that she can't have a conversation, but with help we can do these things , and it helps keep her somewhat oriented. The singing means she is also speaking and using her voice and some memory too, since she does remember the words to some old songs she taught us as children.
My only advice is keep everything in prayer and do what you can do. Trust the Lord with the rest. My mom is 98. She still eats well and uses a walker with help every day. She eats meat and veggies every day which has sent the facility into a tizzy at times. Most residents are on almost all starch and spiral quickly down. Protein is essential to retaining muscle mass and mobility. Having my sister around advocating for her and monitoring her care through cameras in her room has meant my mom gets care.
Good luck. Will keep you'll in prayer.
Prayers up, Patrice.
ReplyDeleteWe had to make this same journey from 2020-2024. It is hard one and I wish you and your family nothing but the best.
For all that I do not love airports, they make for some great people watching opportunities.
My husband had to go through this with both his parents also joined at the hip. I always had to stay home due to the critters (the negative of having critters). His sister also out of state would do the same but they alternated so that the siblings that were there could get a break from home care. The good thing is that he was able to say goodbyes. Hard thing to do I will say. Hope all goes well and your mom can do some recuperating. I will think of you and this situation and do some prayers for your family.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for this change in life for your Dad and the rest of the family.
ReplyDeleteSJ now in California
Some people are opposed to it, oftentimes the remaining spouse as they refuse to accept help, but I highly recommend utilizing hospice care if it is an option, if your mom is able to return home. My dad passed away 5 years ago within a month of diagnosis of advanced liver cancer and had hospice, but my mom refused to utilize any of the services other than home nurses to do check-ups and insisted she could do everything herself, and it was way too much for her, she admitted later on she should of accepted help. When my mom passed away 2 years ago, we did home hospice with her with a family member staying at the house. Hospice was amazing for her as they had trained people who would come in a couple times a week to help her bathe in the shower and even had a person come in twice a week to watch her for a couple hours at a time so the carer could go get groceries and just get a break, that person also would help with basic cleaning tasks as well. I am sorry to hear about your mom, watching a parent go downhill is an awful thing, hopefully you being there will help the rest of the family as well as your dad. Your dad will be the one who really needs the support, I know my mom was never the same after my dad passed away and she basically gave up and let herself go Best wishes to your family.
ReplyDeleteSorry to her your mom is not well. I will keep your family in prayer.
ReplyDeleteIt is even harder when you are approaching end of life.
ReplyDeleteIf we care for them right when they are young, they will care for us when we are old.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you and your family.
It sure is hard. You’ll be in my prayers as will your family. I lost my mom first and my dad 2 years later. It’s a hard thing, especially when they shared a marriage like your parents….and mine.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you and your family. This stage is hard but family support is everything.
ReplyDeleteI miss my parents. They were married for 53 years (Mom was 18; Dad was 23). Then again, I do feel so lucky that I had them as parents. I hope they're playing Scrabble in heaven.
ReplyDeleteSpokane or Boise?
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Patrice.
ReplyDeletePrayers to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteDebbie in MA
The circle of life for each of us. Unfortunately, the circle comes full circle sooner than we want it to. Hugs from afar, in Arizona.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you. Been through this. I have been following your family for 15 years. It’s hard. Be tough.
ReplyDeleteBeing with my parents during what at first seemed a convalescence, but turned into their final days and weeks, were the most profoundly sacred experiences I have ever felt. I was so grateful to God that he granted this to me. I pray that God’s peace fills you and your family as you all go through this transition.
ReplyDelete**hug**
ReplyDeleteIt’s a hard, hard road. And I wish I’d had the chance to walk it with my folks. My mom went when I was still a child, and I wasn’t allowed to help my dad.
Walking the care road now with my MIL. It ain’t easy. God with you, Lady.