Creepy technology

I came across a video recently in which some dude (speaking at double-fast speed) was describing the problem with smart technology, specifically what happens when companies abruptly decide to no longer support the product.

I didn't watch the whole thing, in large part because the double-fast speed of the speaker was driving me nuts, but I got enough of the gist to know I never, ever want any sort of smart technology in our home.

Yeah yeah, I know I'm typing this blog post on "smart" technology, but trust me when I say that's about the smartest thing we have. It's interesting how the older I get, the more I regress in terms of what I think makes for an attractive product, to wit: Is it manually operated?

The information required simply to use new gadgets astounds me. I saw a screen capture recently of a Samsung smart washer's control panel in which the user was directed to "go to settings and allow permissions for Contacts, Telephone, Location, Camera." Camera? CAMERA? On a washing machine? Why must "contacts, telephone, location, camera" be enabled to wash one's tidy whiteys? Seriously, why?

What I find extraordinary about the whole Internet of Things is how we voluntarily put our necks in the noose. None of us – with the exception of those with disabilities or other physical limitations – need "smart" appliances or lights or heating systems or vacuums or any other Internet of Things technology. These things are mere conveniences … until they're not.

Remember when a Google glitch caused thousands of people to be locked out of their homes? Lights or appliances wouldn't work, and people were left sitting in the dark and wondering why they ever thought smart technology was the way to go.

We're surrendering the most intimate details of our lives to smart technology: Wristwatches that monitor our heartbeat, toilets that analyze our "anal print," mattress pads that track our bedroom activities … the list of invasive technology is endless.

Don and I don't need a refrigerator hooked up to the internet. We don't need a smart mattress cover communicating activities to a central location. We don't need smart cars that tell us where to go or how to drive. We don't need windows that close when it rains or lowers the blinds when it's sunny. We don't need a washing machine that starts remotely. We don't need smart toilets with a built-in Alexa to "set the mood." We don't need lighting that turns itself on or off upon request. We don't need smart ovens that download recipes and lets us play games while dinner is cooking. We don't need smart aromatherapy diffusers to make the house smell nice. We don't need smart TVs that take over and perform functions we didn't ask for and don’t want. We don't need smart shoes that lace themselves and customize to our feet. We don't need a Fitbit to track and report our every movement, down to our heartbeat and footsteps. We don't need smart phones that spy on every movement, every message, every conversation, every banking transaction and every trip we take.

Ironic, isn't it, how the lyrics from the song "Every Breath You Take" (by the aptly named group The Police) turned out to be so prescient: "Every breath you take / Every move you make / Every bond you break / Every step you take / I'll be watching you. Every single day / Every word you say / Every game you play / Every night you stay / I'll be watching you. Oh can't you see / You belong to me?"

Okay, rant over.