Now that my mother is in a long-term care facility, I can't wish her a Happy Mother's Day. She's not really verbal anymore, and I don't think she would understand even if I were to be able to talk to her in person. It's a bittersweet realization: The first Mother's Day I won't be able to reach out to my mother.
So I'll reach out to my father instead, and will call him today. I'm certain he's feeling even more mixed about the day than I am.
Hug or call or email your mom today, if you can.
Sorry, Patrice. My mother died one year ago today and I miss her every day. My own kids sent me flowers and made breakfast for me.
ReplyDeleteOuch. My condolences.
Delete- Patrice
I get it, Patrice. My own mom died this March, and I rejoice for her, but it's bittersweet for me, too! Such is life on our pilgrimage, eh? May God comfort your heart and your dad's, too.
ReplyDeleteMy mom is 97 and in a place. One of my sisters lives nearby and goes over every day to check on her, make sure she eats well at least once a day, and help us "talk" to each other.
ReplyDeleteEvery once in a while she can actually respond on her own with a few words, but not often.
I've worked around this sort of thing before , and the best thing is to just not give up, or label her in some way. It's been proven that even people in a coma can sometimes know of the presence of a loved one. Nursing Homes are required to provide suitable activities even for comatose individuals, even if it's just reading to them every day about something once known to be of interest to them.
Mama quit being able to be conversational like we would do some time ago. However, old memories are the last to go and we all love to hear the voices of our loved ones.
We used to sing along together in the car when we'd go to town or on trips when we kids were young.So I started singing to her those old sing along songs. And she remembered and started chiming in. My voice is nothing special, but it is my voice, and that's what's important to our loved ones. To hear the voices of those we love. And this even now, opens her up again at least a little bit.
Singing stregthens those unused vocal cords and Mama enjoys it. She oftentimes just breaks out in a laugh, and that is so good to hear.
Some of what we sing are "You are my sunshine" and "i love you, a bushel and a peck". Those songs are because I missed the I love yous, so very much. Well, she is still able to sing I love you, and so we retrieved that in song. Then other different songs back when she was a young mother, which we vary.
Then "He's got the whole world in His hands", and then we pray. For family country and thanking God, then we sing a little more, and my sister helps her say "Goodnight". She has to be prompted repeatedly for Amens and Goodnight, but sometimes the words do come out. The routine takes about 15 minutes and we do it every day at a specific time to fit my sisters schedule, and it's a very special time for us.
If / when, she can't participate, I'm still planning on talking to her every day. Even now, some days she may just make some odd sounds, and toward the end form a word or two. Other days she's singing and laughing and it's more fun. Some days she says my name. Priceless.
I don't know about your Mom, but don't give up on communicating with her even if she doesn't talk back. Talk to your Dad about maybe holding the phone to her ear so you can tell her about your day, and maybe pray for her and say you love her. She's in there, perhaps deciding whether to stay or go. You'll feel better for doing this. It will also give your father a specific activity to help her with, and probably be good for him too. Family time.
I wish you the very best any everyone else in this situation as well.