A tale of three weddings

I came across an article recently entitled "Wedding regrets plague woman after she spends $90K, calling it 'money down the drain.'"

The issue, I gather, is NOT that she regretted getting married, since she married her "best friend in the whole entire world."

Instead, "she said many of her regrets concern the way she looked on her big day. She wore a poorly fitted dress, didn't have her makeup done professionally and was lacking a spray tan." She said "her dress was too big, long and wrinkly – she called it 'a $5,000 trash bag.'" She said, "It overwhelmed me, and I didn't feel like a bride. I felt like I was playing dress up."

The bride "also regrets not losing weight before her wedding, not getting a facial and not having other beauty care treatments done before her special day. The choice of wedding venue, she said, was another big regret – as it was 'classy and over-the-top,' and she now wishes she'd gone with a different 'party/barn vibe' for more relaxation. ... The now-married woman said she also hates her wedding photos, as they trigger breakdowns over the $90,000 she spent on her wedding. ... She continued, 'That sickens me because, in my head, the whole thing was a waste and that is all money down the drain.'"

She concludes by saying, "I have no idea how to move on [and] I can’t seem to. I’ve had a pit in my stomach and lump in my throat about this for months."

The professional advice offered to this bride is to stop comparing her wedding to others she sees on social media, and instead concentrate on the positive. If she can't, then she should seek therapy to overcome her regrets.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a completely personal speculation.

Weddings have become far more grand in the last few decades, no doubt fueled by social media. But – and here's my speculation – is there an inverse ratio between how much is spent on a wedding and how happy the married couple is?

In the last ten years, I've attended three weddings.

The first wedding was held in the church for which the bride's grandfather was the pastor. The reception was in the church basement and consisted of cake and lemonade. It was an absolutely beautiful wedding, full of joy and holiness, and the couple is still going strong ten years later.

The next wedding was for a young man in our church whom we've known since he was seven years old. His wife was his high school sweetheart. For her wedding dress, she bought several gowns from various thrift stores, fitted the one she liked best, and got married in that. It was a goofy, fun-filled wedding and everyone had a blast witnessing their union. The couple just managed to buy their first home and are hoping to start a family soon.

The third wedding was a couple in their 40s who were marrying a second time (one was divorced from an abusive husband, the other was widowed). Knowing their tragic backstories, this wedding was especially meaningful. These two are still over the moon to have found each other. The wedding was outdoors and had a potluck reception, with friends providing all the services (officiant, photography, etc.).

In none of these instances were the bride and groom driven by anything beyond a wish to make their vows before God, family, and friends. Certainly none of them had $90,000 to spend on festivities!

But it seems far too many people, especially young people, are pressured into spending the equivalent of a down payment for a house to fund the "perfect" day. But the "perfect day" lasts a few high-intensity pressure-filled hours, and then they have to deal with financing that debt, which is a bad way to start a marriage. Way way too many marriages have broken up over debt.

Additionally – and this is more speculation on my part – does it seem like it's always the bride who is obsessing over the perfect day? I have the impression most grooms would be happy to elope and skip all the hoopla. Or am I wrong? But since it's the one day in her life when a woman gets to really flaunt it and have all the attention on HER, sometimes it seems the groom is just an afterthought, an excuse for a gigantic blowout party, forgetting that a wedding should be the beginning, not the end.

I sincerely hope the bride in the linked article can overcome her regrets over the wedding and focus on the future instead. Her groom, I predict, will appreciate it.