Gifts for the man who has everything

The following was written by Don and based on an article I read out loud to him this morning entitled "Find 10 last-minute viral gifts for the man who has everything."

As usually happens with lists like this, most of the suggested gift ideas are stupid to the point of absurd. But after having a good belly laugh, Don took things a step further. Without further ado, here are Don's ideas for last-minute gift ideas for the man who has everything.

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Gifts for the Real Man (who Has Everything)

This morning, Patrice showed me the Ultimate List of lastminute gifts for the man who has everything.

Since I am a man (and have the chromosomes to prove it), and since I really do have everything, I was very interested in this list. Here’s what was recommended in the original article:

• Aura Carver WiFi Digital Picture Frame $149.00

• Lille Home Stackable Stainless Steel Thermal Compartment Lunch $39.99

• Ekster Senate Cardholder Wallet $79.00

• Luxorro Full Grain Leather Briefcase for Men $199.97

• Bowflex SelectTech 552 Adjustable Dumbbells $549.00

• Shiatsu Neck and Back Massager with Soothing Heat $69.99

• Long Range Wireless Smart Meat Thermometer with Bluetooth Booster $99.95

• Heated Stadium Seats for Bleachers with Back Support $149.99

• Solo Stove Bonfire 2.0 with Stand $336.59

• Stanley Perfect Brew Pour Over Set with Camp Mug $45.00

To say I was disappointed in these recommendations would be an understatement. (I did kinda like the dial-up weight set, but not to the tune of $549.) So I decided to do my bit to help out those folks who need to get a gift for a Real Man (meaning, those who don't dry clean their flannel shirts).

In no particular order, here are items I would like to find under the Christmas tree:

• Salami – because ... salami.

• Pair of new socks. There is no more exquisite feeling (well, maybe one or two) than putting on a new pair of socks.

• Pad of grid paper. It's really tough to draw construction stream-of-consciousness design ideas on printer paper. And since I'm drawing up something practically every day, having a ream or two of grid paper around would help keep my desk calendar clean.

• Pound of 3-inch screws. It doesn't matter what kind of screws, and for most purposes 3-inch screws will do. They can hold two 2x4s together; and if they're too long, you can always break the protruding end off with a hammer, pliers, or even a handy rock.

• A box of ammo. (Well, obviously. Can't imagine why it didn't make the original list.)

• A belt. Considering how my waistline ebbs and flows according on the holiday season, belts of different lengths are always appreciated. If your man already has a lot of belts, you might consider one of those revolver leather punches instead. Belts are also useful as emergency ratchet straps.

• Ratchet straps. I have tons of these, but you can never have too many ratchet straps, because you can never find them when you need them.

• Tape measure. (See ratchet trap justification above, but insert "tape measure" for "ratchet strap.")

• Bacon – because ... bacon.

• Bulk package of cheap reading glasses in appropriate magnification. (See ratchet straps.)

This list can get you through any gift-giving situation for the man who has everything. You will note that all of these items are ... use-up-able? unlasting? ephemeral? (Can't figure out if there's actually a word for this particular state of being, but you get the point.) This means you can give the same gift to your appreciative man again and again.

Now, let's examine the meaning of "Man who has everything."

Here's what I have: I have my health. We have a sufficient income for our needs. We have no mortgage. We have great kids. I have a superlative wife, the better half that makes me whole. And most importantly, I have the love of God (from Him to me and back again).

I really have no need of anything else, as I already have everything. (Although some bacon would be nice right now.)

May you all have everything you need this Christmas. It begins with "Away in a Manger" and it's both free and eternal. It never gets used up.

Merry Christmas.

Out the door at last

Whew – sorry for the silence, dear readers. I've been on crunch time getting my latest inspirational romance out the door to my agent. I rough-wrote the story during NaNoWriMo, but I was writing kinda blind because the proposal (synopsis + three chapters) had not yet been approved by my editor.

She finally got back to me in late November with just a few changes, so I finished writing the manuscript, then went back and re-wrote the parts where she had suggested changes. I just completed this task about five minutes ago, booted the manuscript out the door to my agent, and now I can take a breather at last ... just in time to work on a column and a magazine article, both due Friday, and neither of which has been started yet.

On the bright side, my book "The Amish Midwife's Bargain" hit the Publisher's Weekly bestseller list!

That was exciting news indeed! And much of that can be attributed to your faithful support. Thank you!

Christmas garlands

Older Daughter decided she was going to make the house festive this Christmas season. I'm not crafty in the slightest – in fact, you might call me anti-crafty – so watching someone create something like this out of nothing was lots of fun.

She started with oranges, which she sliced and dehydrated.

Next came cedar boughs. She told us she thought about purchasing fake branches, "but the realistic-looking ones were something like $100 each." Forget it, she said. I'll just go out in the woods and  get real ones.

And she did.

Interestingly, even though she tried to take no more than one branch from each tree, someone had been there before her and left behind a Christmas ornament, which she thought was charming. How many other people had seen this hidden bauble? Likely not many. But she saw it ... so it was special.

She came back with a tote full of cedar cuttings.

We also have a small fir tree in the driveway that's dying, so she snipped some of the still-green branches from it as well, to add extra body to her projects.

Then she laid everything out and started assembling the garlands.

She used a drill to insert some tiny hooks in strategic spots over windows and doors.

Then we carefully took the tied-together cedar garlands and lifted them into place, tucking the inner branches into the hooks. (No photos, sorry.)

Then she strung together some of the orange slices and added them to the garland.

A small string of lights, and the result was very festive indeed.

She added ornaments from the ends of the curtain rods for an extra garnish.

She repeated this over other door and window frames in the living room and kitchen.

Then she began assembling paper snowflakes and hanging them around the house.

Meanwhile, outdoors, Don tacked up colored lights. He wound them around porch rails, window frames, and under the eaves.

The result was splendid, especially in such a dark area as where we live.

Then we all got together and decorated the tree. It's times like this we really miss Younger Daughter.

So here are the results of everyone's efforts, taken in the early morning when it was still dark. (That's Darcy lying in the middle of the living room floor.)

Kitchen:

I don't think the house has ever looked this festive. Kudos to Older Daughter for her creativity indoors, and Don for his creativity outdoors.

Pearl Harbor Day

On December 7, 1941, Pearl Harbor was attacked.

A few years ago, my mother (who was born in 1931 on the bayous of Louisiana) shared an extraordinary story as follows:

In the fall of 1941 my mother started making homemade bread every Saturday. She used yeast on the first recipe, but after that she would save a starter, a piece of dough. Of course we had no refrigeration, so she would just take the starter dough and put it in a bowl in the cabinet. The next week she would use the starter dough to make a fresh batch of bread.

My oldest brother had taken off for something, and he came home with a friend. The boy lived about a mile away from our house, but since we lived along a bayou, we had to cross a prairie to get to his house. He walked in the house and the smell of fresh bread permeated the place. He was wowed, and Mamma broke him off a piece of fresh bread for him to eat.

He had gone to school with us, but like a lot of kids his age he joined the Navy at age 17. He told my mother he was stationed at Pearl Harbor on the Arizona.

This took place on Saturday November 22nd. Thirteen days later he died on the Arizona at Pearl Harbor. His name was William (Bill) Stoddard.

My mother stopped making bread. I was ten years old.

Needless to say, Pearl Harbor didn't just affect Hawaii.

It also affected a tiny little community on the bayous of Louisiana, and a 10-year-old child's memory of a neighbor boy who died for our country.

It was a dark moment in history. We're facing more dark moments in the future as international conflicts rise once more. Let's pray another Pearl Harbor doesn't happen.

Cheaper and Better

Recently a reader named Kate left a comment as follows: "Some time (maybe years) back you posted about a cookbook you used that (If I remember correctly) gave recipes for copycat commercial ingredients. I'm afraid my 73 year old brain is not remembering it well. I've looked at your key words to see if I could find the name of it to no avail. Do you remember it or is my old brain short circuiting? Thank you."

Whew. This was a stumper. I searched and searched through the blog archives and couldn't find anything involving copycat recipes. I replied, "Since I'm on the admin side of the blog, I can do more sophisticated searches. I have well over 4,000 blog posts, so often it's difficult to remember what I've posted over the years. However after searching for many different keywords, I simply cannot find anything about a copycat recipe book. I vaguely remember owning one a long time ago, but I ended up giving it away because I was unfamiliar with (and therefore not enamored with) most of the restaurants and recipes they used. Sorry I can't be more helpful!"

And then – and this is why I love my blog readers – reader Jillee stepped in with the solution: "Kate & Patrice, could the book have been 'Cheaper & Better: Homemade Alternatives to Storebought Goods'? Patrice, you referred to this book in a previous post and I ordered it from a used book seller. Very useful book to have. ... Forgot to give the author’s name. 'Cheaper & Better' is by Nancy Birnes."

Thank you, Jillee! Yes, this book is incredibly helpful. I've used its advice for making everything from Irish cream to Formula 409. This is definitely a book to purchase for frugal alternatives to store-bought products, including many recipes. Highly recommended.

Ratatouille

Older Daughter decided to make something exotic-sounding: Ratatouille. I typed this into a search engine just to make sure I was spelling it correctly, and it spat back some sample photos.

Despite the elegance of the name, my understanding is ratatouille is something of a peasant dish, originally designed to make humble ingredients appear as sophisticated as possible ... as indeed it does.

Older Daughter started by slicing zucchini, tomatoes, and eggplant.

She arranged them in a decorative fashion in a pan.

By the time the pan was full, it looked very festive.

Baking it blended all the flavors.

Sophisticated fare indeed!

Hey presto! Just use AI!

Writers and editors all around the world are watching (with concern and caution) the development of artificial intelligence (AI) and its ability to provide content to blogs, magazines, news sites, etc.

It's scary stuff since AI can spit out absolutely false information with utter confidence, such as providing the name of one of America’s four female presidents (Luci Baines Johnson, who served 1973-77).

Still, at this point I can still determine the difference between genuine and artificial content, largely because AI-generated content doesn't really say anything. It's just blah-blah garbage.

As an example, I opened up ChatGTP a few months ago and typed in a prompt: "Write a 500-word synopsis of an inspirational romance novel, including characters' goals, motivations, and conflicts." It spat back a plot full of pablum. I sharpened the prompt a few times, giving it more detailed instructions, and still wasn't impressed.

Which is why I was so amused to receive an email a few days ago. In the subject line was the query, "Do You Have a Stagnant Blog?"

Here's the (no doubt AI-generated) content of the email:

"It's time to take your blogging journey to the next level. Posting content daily, or 3-4 times a week at a minimum WILL get you a lot more search engine traffic.

Sounds time consuming, right? Not anymore.

Now you can use AI to create, publish, and promote your blog posts. Say goodbye to the hours spent researching and writing, and hello to effortless content creation.

I'm doing just that with my new Content Formulator AI. Here is why this is the ultimate tool for every serious blogger:

1. Simple Setup: Content Formulator AI is easy to set up and use, whether you're a tech-savvy blogger or a beginner. No need for an OpenAI account or an API key. Just add the included plugin and connect it to Content Formulator AI.

2. Effortless Blog Posting: With just a few clicks, create blog posts up to 2,000 words long, perfect for optimizing your content for search engines and attracting organic traffic.

3. Versatile Blogging: With Content Formulator AI, you can create and post as many blog articles as you want, for yourself or for clients who pay for your services.

4. Editability and Customization: Each blog post created by AI opens in a full-featured text editor, allowing you to add your personal touch, inject thoughts or comments, and enhance the content as you see fit. You can also add original AI-generated images to make your posts visually appealing.

5. Plagiarism-Free Content: AI-generated content is original and safe to use. You can run your posts through plagiarism detectors, and they will pass with flying colors.

6. No Additional Fees: Unlike many other AI-powered platforms, Content Formulator AI does not incur any usage charges. Create as many blog posts as you want without worrying about additional fees.

7. Instant Publishing: Connect your blogs via the included plugin so you can publish (or schedule!) your blog posts with a single click.

Don't let the opportunity to revolutionize your blogging journey pass you by. Embrace the power of AI and join my growing community of bloggers who have embraced Content Formulator AI. Watch the demo [here]<--(hyperlinked)"

Um, no.

This blog, dear readers, may have its stagnant moments, but I cannot fathom a time I would ever turn to artificial intelligence to prop it up. I'm afraid you're only gonna get details of our boring and mundane lives, rather than anything spiced up AI.

Unless it's for a good laugh, of course..............

UPDATE: I just saw this and it cracked me up. Case in point.