Racing the weather

We've had a frantic week as we raced to batten things down before a dramatic change of weather moves in, including potentially snow. This is the weather report as of 3:30 Thursday afternoon, Sept. 27:

We've lived here in North Idaho for 16 years, and we've never had snow this early. It doesn't look like it will last, but nonetheless we had to get ready for it -- notably harvesting what we could in the garden. (Some things in the garden will have to wait.)

Accuweather describes this incoming storm as a "freak" September blizzard: "As of Friday, winter storm watches and warnings were in effect across portions of four states. Winter storm watches were issued for parts of Montana, and areas in Washington, Wyoming, Idaho and the mountainous terrain of Montana were placed under a winter storm warning. The snowstorm could reach 'historic' proportions, forecasters have warned, and will unleash heavy and wet snow, tropical-storm-force winds and bitter cold in the Northwest and southern Canada. The heavy and wet nature of the early-season snow will threaten to weigh down tree limbs that are still covered in changing foliage. ... Widespread power outages may occur amid the cold conditions accompanying the winter-like storm. ... Winds are likely to average 15-25 mph (25-40 km/h) with gusts to 40-50 mph (65-80 km/h). Stronger gusts and sustained winds are likely during the height of the storm over the mountains and through the passes."

In our location and elevation, predictions are three to six inches of snow.

So, given a week to prepare, we focused mostly on harvesting the garden and battening down outdoor items. We're fairly well prepped for everything else, especially since we currently have no livestock.

I started with the grapes. It was hard not to go crazy photographing the grapes before picking because they were so beautiful. I almost hated to destroy the tableau by harvesting them.

I started with the green Himrod grapes. I only have one Himrod vine (the other died, choked out by a single morning glory seed I had foolishly planted last year, then ripped out after it dominated the trellis).

The one remaining vine yielded lots and lots of grapes.

Total yield (once they were plucked off the stem): 12 lbs.

I turned about half these grapes into raisins (a future blog post).

Then I turned my attention to the Canadice grapes, of which I had two vines. These are truly beautiful grapes, drawing "Oooohs" of appreciation from visitors to the garden.

As I picked, I found myself with a little competition.

Final yield for Canadice grapes: 37 lbs., or 18.5 lbs. per vine.

I'm juicing these grapes. Again, that will be a future blog post.

With the grapes harvested, I turned my attention to other vulnerable crops.

Darcy had a grand time exploring while I harvested.

I picked every cantaloupe and watermelon, regardless of whether or not it was ripe.

I picked every last tomato, green or red (and, amazingly, forgot to get a photograph). I ended up with 112 lbs. of tomatoes.

I pulled every last onion, which were definitely ready to harvest.

Total for onions: 64 lbs.

On Thursday I picked the pear trees clean.

For this, of course, a fruit-picking basket on a pole was necessary.

Here too I had a bit of competition, but not much. This has been a remarkably wasp-free summer.

Total for pears: 135 lbs.

Just after picking the pears -- and while I was channeling the Magic Pear Fairy and delivering pears to neighbors -- we had a storm cell move over us which dropped the heaviest rain I've ever seen (no photos, since I was traveling). A pear recipient who used to live in Florida said the only time he's seen it rain this hard was during hurricanes.

By the time I got home, the storm was passing...

...and the garden emerged sparkling.

The view to the east showed dark clouds lit up by the western sun.

Lots of weather drama this week, that's for sure.

The final thing I wanted to get harvested before the weather changed was potatoes, which we did yesterday.

As with so many other crops this summer, the potatoes outdid themselves in abundance.

This is one tires' worth of harvest.

We found some optimistic new growth too.

Lots and lots of worms, always a good sign.

The potatoes weighed in at 160 lbs., or almost 23 lbs. per tire (I had seven tires planted).

I also had one tire of multiplier onions (often called potato onions), which I pulled.

I added them to the groaning wheelbarrow, and tottered back to the house with the load.

Much of the produce was piled on the side porch, and we even dragged out the large bathroom scale to weigh some things.

I've been passing out pears, green tomatoes, and watermelons to neighbors.

Then to top off our week, we're working on a large production run of tankards.

So yes, it's been a chaotic week.

As I post this, it's early Saturday morning. It's raining hard and very windy. There is a very little bit of wet snow mixed with the rain (the thermometer current reads 35F). The rain will change to snow later tonight. We're bracing for power outages as the snow falls on trees which have not yet shed their leaves. We'll see what the morning brings.

And the race is on!

The race against the first frost is on. We're expecting sub-freezing temperatures toward the end of the week.

Yesterday I harvested every last tomato (ripe and unripe), every watermelon and cantaloupe, and every last grape. Hopefully today I'll get to the pears, and maybe the onions. I'll have more on the harvest in a future post.

In the meanwhile, if you've wondered about the blog silence, it's because I'm up to my elbows in produce. A blessing indeed!

Is paper dead?

Reader Ken sent this. Absolutely cracked me up.

The grammar rule no one knows but everyone knows

English is a funny language. As author Bill Bryson put in his excellent book "The Mother Tongue," "Any language where the unassuming word fly signifies an annoying insect, a means of travel, and a critical part of a gentleman's apparel is clearly asking to be mangled."

When I was studying French back in high school, I was relieved to learn every expression of affirmation following a statement (termed a "tag question") was a simple, single phrase: "N'est-ce pas?" In English, however, every tag question differs depending on the preceding statement: "Isn't it?" "Aren't you?" "Haven't they?" "Wouldn't it?" "Don't they?" -- and so on through dozens of variations.

This alone must drive non-native English speakers nuts. Imagine trying to teach just the different expressions of affirmation in a classroom setting in, say, China.

Now imagine how comical it sounds to the ears of English-speakers when those tag questions get mangled: "It's a beautiful morning, aren't you?"

Consider another absurd diktat of the English language: ending a sentence with a preposition (in, at, to, for, etc.). Accordingly to Grammarly, "Grammar snobs love to tell anyone who will listen: You should NEVER end a sentence with a preposition! Luckily for those poor, persecuted prepositions, that just isn’t true." -- and goes on to give a few preposition guidelines, often distinguishing between formal and casual statements.

This English decree of never ending a sentence with a preposition is left over from the days when Latin ruled. Latin was considered the purest "and most admirable" language at the time, though imposing Latin rules on English structure "is a little like trying to play baseball in ice skates." Apparently because ending a sentence with a preposition in Latin is impossible, somehow that carried over into English, resulting in the contorted statement famously attributed to Winston Churchill: "This is the kind of thing up with which we shall not put!"

(Incidentally, the same Latin mandate is why it's considered improper to split an infinitive, the most well-known example of which is found in Star Trek's original opening: "To boldly go where no man has gone before." Splitting an infinitive is impossible in Latin, but it's easily done -- or should that be "easily it's done"? -- in English. But I digress.)

One of the reasons English is so odd is because modern English is a mishmash of influences -- notably Old German (and its derivatives) and Latin, but with enormous contributions from French (a Latin derivative), Celtic, and endless other influences. English took on not just vocabulary words from other languages, but also syntax and structure. Today we unthinkingly use words as far-flung as Icelandic ("saga"), Indonesian ("guru"), and Polynesian ("taboo"). Amazing, n'est-ce pas?

Anyway, this little excursion into orthography is to introduce a fascinating article I came across entitled "This is the most bizarre grammar rule you probably never heard of." (Oooh, ending a sentence with a preposition!)

Apparently native English speakers instinctively order their adjectives preceding a noun as follows: opinion-size-age-shape-color-origin-material-purpose-noun:

This blew me away when I read it because it's true. Mess with that order, and you're talking gibberish. (Now imagine trying to teach that tenet in, say, a Chinese classroom!)

Again when I was learning French, there were rules about the grouping of adjectives around a noun. You couldn't say "a pretty yellow dress" ("une jolie jaune robe"), you had to say "a pretty dress yellow" ("une jolie robe jaune"). To native French speakers, it was just the natural way to order adjectives.

I literally never (or should that be "Literally I never") gave this a moment's thought, but the same thing occurs in English. Who knew?

This order of adjectives was spelled out in a book by Mark Forsyth entitled "The Elements of Eloquence." Quoting the article:

"Forsyth says there are eight types of adjectives, which should be used in this order:
      1. Opinion
      2. Size
      3. Age
      4. Shape
      5. Color
      6. Origin
      7. Material
      8. Purpose

But then, the Cambridge Dictionary -- which certainly seems like an authoritative source -- offers a list of ten types of adjectives in a slightly different order:
      1. Opinion
      2. Size
      3. Physical quality
      4. Shape
      5. Age
      6. Color
      7. Origin
      8. Material
      9. Type
      10. Purpose

So, according to Cambridge, it should be a "lovely little rectangular old green French silver whittling knife," which seems completely wrong to me. My instincts say "old" should come before "rectangular," not the other way around. To further complicate matters, Cambridge lists "U-shaped" as an example of type, rather than shape as you might have expected.

In other words, even this supposedly ironclad rule that we all seem to know by instinct is tangled up and subject to debate. And don't even get me started on what to do if you have two adjectives of the same type, say a "lovely valuable little old green French silver whittling knife." Or when and whether you should use a comma, or the word "and."

As someone with an advanced degree in English, an amateur linguist, and a lifelong professional writer, my best advice is this: When it comes to adjective order, you should probably follow your instincts. And you should definitely not have ten, eight, or even four adjectives piled up ahead of a noun. Adding adjectives to your sentences should be like adding spices to your cooking: Use them thoughtfully, sparingly, and when they'll have the most impact. Not only will that make your writing better, it will save you from having to worry so much about putting adjectives in the right order."

Phew. A lot to take in, n'est-ce pas?

The interesting thing about grammar is I don't understand it at all. My eyes glaze over whenever someone delves into its intricacies. I attended high school in the late 70s, when grammar was being phased out in favor of more politically correct subjects, so my grasp is tenuous at best and purely instinctive (instinctual?). I am forever making blunders ... though that hasn't stopped me from becoming a writer.

But I find linguistics and etymology, including the origin of English, fascinating ... even if I do regularly mangle the details. Or regularly do mangle the details. Whatever.

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When Chuck Norris.....

This cracked me up.

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