JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT
A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about gettin' me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?
The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.
The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability."
Friday, September 11, 2009
Canning corn
'Tis the season for canning. I know this for a fact because there isn't a canning jar left in any thrift store in the region.
Last week our neighbors "the Jones's" called. They have a large garden they're sharing with other neighbors, but the other neighbors (we'll call them the Smiths) have been so busy they didn't have a chance to pick their share of the corn. And the corn was ready to pick. Did I want it?
You bet! Corn is by far our favorite vegetable. The girls and I went over with every laundry basket in the house and picked six rows of corn. I agreed to share the canned result with the Smiths in exchange for keeping some for ourselves.
Some of the Jones' kids and all of the Smith kids came over to shuck the corn. We saved the shucks to feed to the cows, who think it's better than candy.
This is how much corn we got:
After slicing the corn from the cobs (the cobs go to the chickens, who think it's better than candy), I washed and boiled the corn, then canned it.
We got 42 pints, of which 21 go to the Smiths. I'll exchange empty jars for full ones with Mrs. Smith.
Our own corn isn't quite ripe yet - we're in a race against the first frost - so even if we lose our own corn we have 21 pints in the pantry, thanks to the Jones's generosity.
Last week our neighbors "the Jones's" called. They have a large garden they're sharing with other neighbors, but the other neighbors (we'll call them the Smiths) have been so busy they didn't have a chance to pick their share of the corn. And the corn was ready to pick. Did I want it?
You bet! Corn is by far our favorite vegetable. The girls and I went over with every laundry basket in the house and picked six rows of corn. I agreed to share the canned result with the Smiths in exchange for keeping some for ourselves.
Some of the Jones' kids and all of the Smith kids came over to shuck the corn. We saved the shucks to feed to the cows, who think it's better than candy.
This is how much corn we got:
After slicing the corn from the cobs (the cobs go to the chickens, who think it's better than candy), I washed and boiled the corn, then canned it.
We got 42 pints, of which 21 go to the Smiths. I'll exchange empty jars for full ones with Mrs. Smith.
Our own corn isn't quite ripe yet - we're in a race against the first frost - so even if we lose our own corn we have 21 pints in the pantry, thanks to the Jones's generosity.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Random photos
Full moon through the trees.
Neighbor's horses in fog.
Bringing in Matilda on a foggy morning.
Neighbor's horses in fog.
Bringing in Matilda on a foggy morning.
Firearms refresher course
1. "Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not." ~Thomas Jefferson
2. Those who trade liberty for security have neither. ~John Adams
3. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
4. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
5. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
6. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
7. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
8. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
9. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
10. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
11. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
12. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights Reserved.
13. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
14. What part of 'shall not be infringed' do you NOT understand?
15. Guns have only two enemies; rust and politicians.
16. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
17. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
2. Those who trade liberty for security have neither. ~John Adams
3. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
4. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
5. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
6. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
7. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
8. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
9. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
10. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
11. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
12. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights Reserved.
13. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
14. What part of 'shall not be infringed' do you NOT understand?
15. Guns have only two enemies; rust and politicians.
16. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
17. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
The People of Walmart
Okay, I'll blame it squarely on my friend Debra. She's the one who got me hooked on The People of Walmart. (Thanks, Debra. Like I really have time for this....)
But honestly, the gamut of human choices in style and fashion never ceases to amaze me...
But honestly, the gamut of human choices in style and fashion never ceases to amaze me...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Still working hard...
Here's our kitchen yesterday morning, when we needed to ship two large boxes to the Kansas City Renaissance Faire. Unfortunately due to the Labor Day holiday, we needed to ship them Fed-Ex third-day (cha-ching!) instead of our usual FedEx Ground.
More puppy pix
For those needing their "puppy fix," I'm happy to oblige.
And my all-time uber-favorite, "Awoken from a nap."
And my all-time uber-favorite, "Awoken from a nap."
Canning and re-canning
More canning stuff.
Our daughter's elderly piano teacher was given a box of peaches off someone's tree. The peaches were small and sour and not really good for eating. She asked if I wanted them, and I said heck yes. Peach purree added to fresh-made yogurt is unsurpassed. I took the box home and made them into purree.
I have no particular skill (or so my kids tell me) in making either salsa or pizza sauce, something we use in appreciable quantities. So what I do is buy giganto-sized quantities of both, then re-can them in smaller jars.
Here's four gallons each of salsa and pizza sauce, as well as the box of peaches:
This is the output after everything was canned and re-canned:
Ooooh, and looky what we just found at a thrift store! A food dehydrator! This is nearly identical to the model we used to own, and which we foolishly gave away (during a massive purging of possessions) before we moved to Idaho. I've been looking for one ever since. This dehydrator set us back a grand total of six bucks. Gotta love thrift stores...
Our daughter's elderly piano teacher was given a box of peaches off someone's tree. The peaches were small and sour and not really good for eating. She asked if I wanted them, and I said heck yes. Peach purree added to fresh-made yogurt is unsurpassed. I took the box home and made them into purree.
I have no particular skill (or so my kids tell me) in making either salsa or pizza sauce, something we use in appreciable quantities. So what I do is buy giganto-sized quantities of both, then re-can them in smaller jars.
Here's four gallons each of salsa and pizza sauce, as well as the box of peaches:
This is the output after everything was canned and re-canned:
Ooooh, and looky what we just found at a thrift store! A food dehydrator! This is nearly identical to the model we used to own, and which we foolishly gave away (during a massive purging of possessions) before we moved to Idaho. I've been looking for one ever since. This dehydrator set us back a grand total of six bucks. Gotta love thrift stores...
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Alpha parenting
In response to my column "Discipline Your Brats," a reader sent the following email which I thought was pretty funny.
_________________________
I have heard the "just wait til they're teens" thing for years now...but I have 16 year old, 14, 13, as well as the 11 and 10 year olds and so far....nothing. And it's not that they aren't opinionated. At a recent BBQ with a liberal friend, my two oldest were holding their own in debates on intelligent design, government health care, and current events in general.
Funny story...we were once in the store, and some mom was telling her little precious brat that she "really is going to count to three if you don't stop" and seriously this lady counted to three like 300 times, while threatening to count to three, and the kid could care less. Just then, one of my younger daughters said, "Ugh!!! Stop counting already and smack that brat!" I was mortified but a few people in line at the store with us applauded. (We're still working on discretion.)
- Kimberly
_________________________
I have heard the "just wait til they're teens" thing for years now...but I have 16 year old, 14, 13, as well as the 11 and 10 year olds and so far....nothing. And it's not that they aren't opinionated. At a recent BBQ with a liberal friend, my two oldest were holding their own in debates on intelligent design, government health care, and current events in general.
Funny story...we were once in the store, and some mom was telling her little precious brat that she "really is going to count to three if you don't stop" and seriously this lady counted to three like 300 times, while threatening to count to three, and the kid could care less. Just then, one of my younger daughters said, "Ugh!!! Stop counting already and smack that brat!" I was mortified but a few people in line at the store with us applauded. (We're still working on discretion.)
- Kimberly
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Canning carrots
We were lucky enough to receive an entire box of bagged baby carrots (leftovers from a weekly food donation in our town). The best option is to can them.
Both daughters expressed an interest in hands-on learning about canning. I set Older Daughter to washing jars.
I set Younger Daughter to sorting carrots. Because these carrots were past their prime, some had turned to mush in the bags. Don't let the mush intimidate you! There are a lot of good carrots in there. We just needed to sort the good from the bad.
Washing the mush off the good carrots.
Mushy carrots destined for the compost pile.
When canning vegetables, it's best to hot-pack the jars, so I needed to boil the carrots.
While they were heating up, I took the time to glue together the bodies of some crooked tankards destined for shipment to the Kansas City Renaissance Faire, thus insuring an unbelievable mess on the kitchen table.
Filling the jars with carrots using a wide-mouth funnel:
Filling the jars with hot cookwater (you can see the steam rising):
Adding a teaspoon of salt to each quart:
Wiping the rims:
Putting on the lids...
And the rings:
Into the canner. While my canner holds 18 pints (in two layers), it only holds seven quarts at a time:
The pressure starting to build:
Lydia lying faithfully at our feet while we work:
Target pressure (10 lbs) achieved. We hold this for thirty minutes.
First batch out of the canner.
Testing the seals. After the jars cool a bit, press the lids. If the lid "clicks," the seal is not complete and it's best to refrigerate that jar and eat it soon. But all the seals completed.
Ultimate yield: twenty quarts. This is the sight that led my oldest daughter to exclaim, “I like this! It makes me feel happy and safe.” Out of the mouth of babes.
Both daughters expressed an interest in hands-on learning about canning. I set Older Daughter to washing jars.
I set Younger Daughter to sorting carrots. Because these carrots were past their prime, some had turned to mush in the bags. Don't let the mush intimidate you! There are a lot of good carrots in there. We just needed to sort the good from the bad.
Washing the mush off the good carrots.
Mushy carrots destined for the compost pile.
When canning vegetables, it's best to hot-pack the jars, so I needed to boil the carrots.
While they were heating up, I took the time to glue together the bodies of some crooked tankards destined for shipment to the Kansas City Renaissance Faire, thus insuring an unbelievable mess on the kitchen table.
Filling the jars with carrots using a wide-mouth funnel:
Filling the jars with hot cookwater (you can see the steam rising):
Adding a teaspoon of salt to each quart:
Wiping the rims:
Putting on the lids...
And the rings:
Into the canner. While my canner holds 18 pints (in two layers), it only holds seven quarts at a time:
The pressure starting to build:
Lydia lying faithfully at our feet while we work:
Target pressure (10 lbs) achieved. We hold this for thirty minutes.
First batch out of the canner.
Testing the seals. After the jars cool a bit, press the lids. If the lid "clicks," the seal is not complete and it's best to refrigerate that jar and eat it soon. But all the seals completed.
Ultimate yield: twenty quarts. This is the sight that led my oldest daughter to exclaim, “I like this! It makes me feel happy and safe.” Out of the mouth of babes.
This guy's face gave me the shudders
I'm trying to figure out how I'd react if this happened to my kid. (Here's the article.)
___________________________________________
(CNN) -- A Georgia man allegedly slapped a toddler at a Walmart store because she wouldn't stop crying, authorities said.
Roger Stephens allegedly slapped a stranger's crying toddler in a Walmart store in Stone Mountain, Georgia.
Roger Stephens, 61, was arrested Monday and charged with first-degree cruelty to children. An incident report obtained from police in Gwinnett County indicated Stephens did not know the 2-year-old girl he stands accused of hitting.
The confrontation happened shortly before noon at the Walmart in Stone Mountain, a suburb of Atlanta.
According to the arresting officer, the child's mother said her daughter was crying as they walked down one of the aisles.
The mother said a stranger later identified as Stephens approached them and said, "If you don't shut the baby up, I will shut her up for you."
A few moments later, while the mother and the crying child were in another aisle, Stephens allegedly grabbed the girl and slapped her across the face.
Police said he hit her four or five times. "See, I told you I would shut her up," the suspect allegedly told the mother.
Authorities described "slight redness" to the toddler's face. Before he was arrested, Stephens apologized to the mother for striking the girl, the incident report said.
Stephens, a Stone Mountain resident, is being held by the Gwinnett County Sheriff's Department.
___________________________________________
(CNN) -- A Georgia man allegedly slapped a toddler at a Walmart store because she wouldn't stop crying, authorities said.
Roger Stephens allegedly slapped a stranger's crying toddler in a Walmart store in Stone Mountain, Georgia.
Roger Stephens, 61, was arrested Monday and charged with first-degree cruelty to children. An incident report obtained from police in Gwinnett County indicated Stephens did not know the 2-year-old girl he stands accused of hitting.
The confrontation happened shortly before noon at the Walmart in Stone Mountain, a suburb of Atlanta.
According to the arresting officer, the child's mother said her daughter was crying as they walked down one of the aisles.
The mother said a stranger later identified as Stephens approached them and said, "If you don't shut the baby up, I will shut her up for you."
A few moments later, while the mother and the crying child were in another aisle, Stephens allegedly grabbed the girl and slapped her across the face.
Police said he hit her four or five times. "See, I told you I would shut her up," the suspect allegedly told the mother.
Authorities described "slight redness" to the toddler's face. Before he was arrested, Stephens apologized to the mother for striking the girl, the incident report said.
Stephens, a Stone Mountain resident, is being held by the Gwinnett County Sheriff's Department.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Chuckle du jour
A friend sent me this joke.
________________________
About two hours into my first day on the job, a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "H*#% no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's nine and the other one's seven. Why the h*#% would you think they're twins? Are you blind or just stupid?"
So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, ma'am. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
________________________
About two hours into my first day on the job, a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "H*#% no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's nine and the other one's seven. Why the h*#% would you think they're twins? Are you blind or just stupid?"
So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, ma'am. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
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