tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post9186378279107857522..comments2024-03-28T05:59:04.687-07:00Comments on Rural Revolution: You can lead a horse to water...Patrice Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06012022335047974670noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-4928808551539814452016-07-01T13:37:43.402-07:002016-07-01T13:37:43.402-07:00I read your post, I have not read the comments. Th...I read your post, I have not read the comments. This is just to say that abuse is abuse. My daughter stayed in an abusive same-sex relationship for 22 years. It isn't one sex or the other, it is the persons involved. Apparently you hope it will change. Apparently you can be made to feel that no one else will ever love you. Apparently you can be verbally abused to the point where you have no concept of your own worth. My take is that if you or someone you know is in this kind of relationship, NOTHING will change unless the person being abused sees what is happening. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-68398378734957860832015-10-07T17:29:48.315-07:002015-10-07T17:29:48.315-07:00People do not really show who they are for six mon...People do not really show who they are for six months. Usually by that time a woman has fallen in love. A woman's love can be their greatest strength or their greatest weakness.<br />When dating someone Do Not Have Sex!! Watch for red flags in their behavior. Watch how they treat waiters and waitresses. <br />If you know what to watch for, you can determine what type of person they are very quickly without having to wait the six months. Don't verbalize if you find fault or they will hide who they are just sit back in your mind and watch. I hope this helps.<br />Women who are already in an abusive relationship leave many times before they really leave. It gets complicated and is not as easy as "just leave". They usually need help getting their identity and inner strength back.Mesquitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13282753084691742898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-63261107292615958362014-05-20T19:34:16.129-07:002014-05-20T19:34:16.129-07:00As someone who was in an abusive marriage, I will ...As someone who was in an abusive marriage, I will say this: the day you realize it's not going to 'get better' is the first day of seeing that glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Admitting things will not change, is your first step towards freedom. There is hope, but it's not found in an abusive marriage or relationship. I got out years ago. I didn't get much money, the house, or the kids, but at least I got away. Joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15471639876072617577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-18318495519633525332014-02-22T23:10:24.964-08:002014-02-22T23:10:24.964-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.Psalms71:20https://www.blogger.com/profile/01645144357034494175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-16935143597854957492014-02-22T23:04:18.471-08:002014-02-22T23:04:18.471-08:00I seriously doubt you are a psychologist. I don...I seriously doubt you are a psychologist. I don't think you would be so quick to pass Judgement. Unless, you are being completely sarcastic and saying this to manipulate these individuals into leaving each other (who is the controlling one now?). To the second poster: Since when is an adult victim ever "snow white" pure? God loves both the victim and abuser in the relationship and wants to restore them both! Her "story spreading" is probably a honest way of reaching out for help. She could be going by an alias trying to not attract attention. Obviously, she has a life crisis and is searching for answers. Hopefully someday she will find her answers and hopefully the abuser will get the help he needs! Attitudes like yours make it even harder for a person in a situation like this to get out! Imagine hearing this from someone other than your abuser! I can imagine her thinking, "why leave so many people are just like him, I will only find more relationships with people just like him! Might as well get use to dealing with the one I have!" Victims should speak out until they have the strength and support they need to make a better life for his/her self! Psalms71:20https://www.blogger.com/profile/01645144357034494175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-70835843274371076842013-08-27T18:52:32.423-07:002013-08-27T18:52:32.423-07:00Good comment. :)
I was also thinking that she can...Good comment. :)<br /><br />I was also thinking that she can't possible be some pure white snow victim. She sounds more like an 'aggressive victim' where they think they can get the upper hand and have some celebrity victim status. If she was a healthy normal person and he truly had a problem then she would, as Patrice so concisely put it, LEAVE instead of spreading a story designed to get attention all over some Internet forum. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-90082713509878723512013-02-19T11:33:55.298-08:002013-02-19T11:33:55.298-08:00The question was, "why do women stay"? ...The question was, "why do women stay"? Obviously one of the answers is, "because they believe they have no other/better alternative" They may be incorrect, but honestly if they think they will be verbally and emotionally abused, ridiculed or gossiped about by their own families, certainly that does not help.Ellenhttp://www.andrewseltz.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-78993362308962679422013-02-17T07:47:31.537-08:002013-02-17T07:47:31.537-08:00Anyone who stays in an abusive situation is NECESS...Anyone who stays in an abusive situation is NECESSARILY complicit in that abuse -- because staying is a *choice*. And when that choice includes acquiescence to the abuse of dependent children, then the woman who 'chooses' to stay should be just as criminally culpable as the abuser. I've seen numbers of these relationships, and the man is often 'alcoholic' and the woman 'depressed'. Those are two of the most manipulative behaviours I've observed, and they're endemic. Every individual has the *responsibility* -- to *God*, even if they so little value themselves -- to be whole and happy. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-25026422559119056752013-02-16T18:56:29.987-08:002013-02-16T18:56:29.987-08:00Well Bob K, that's what my Daddy always told u...<br />Well Bob K, that's what my Daddy always told us.Mary in GAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11897145835153363737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-7560301311514643522013-02-16T18:55:04.482-08:002013-02-16T18:55:04.482-08:00Well, around here anytime someone says they have &...Well, around here anytime someone says they have "been together" 1, 5, 10 years, whatever, it means they live together without the benefit of matrimony. I have also noticed that the denotation of fiance has changed. Fiance/fiancee (sp?) used to mean betrothed, now it means shacking up.Mary in GAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11897145835153363737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-91697063597070812552013-02-16T18:52:00.839-08:002013-02-16T18:52:00.839-08:00As a psychologist, I would advise Anne to try and ...As a psychologist, I would advise Anne to try and understand why she is so resistant to this man's love for her. She rejects his protection, and seeks to embarass him on public forums. To her boyfriend, I would advise...Get away, as fast as you can. Anne has drunk the feminist kool-aid. There is no help for her. Move on. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-7525518508790692922013-02-16T14:43:52.612-08:002013-02-16T14:43:52.612-08:00I have to say, I am a appalled by the amount of co...I have to say, I am a appalled by the amount of comments on here from people who seem to think that women in abusive relationships are causing the abuse, or perpetuating the idea that they really do "deserve it". How horrible. That is exactly the kind of thinking that keeps women trapped - thinking that "he wouldn't hit me if only I wasn't so..." or "I don't deserve any better".<br />It is one thing to wonder about why women stay, but to basically AGREE with the piece of cr**p abuser? And to say these kinds of things about YOUR OWN FAMILY MEMBERS? Good grief, no wonder so few women escape. Their own relative are talking about how they brought it on themselves. Where are they supposed to go, if their own families think they have caused the abuse by their "controlling" or "button pushing"? You do realize that is exactly what abusive men say..."She pushed me over the edge" "She MADE me hit her." Pathetic.<br />How about acknowledging that abusers LOOK for victims, and intentionally choose women who are vulnerable and open to manipulation. How about blaming the abuse on the cowards who are beating up and killing the women they should be protecting, and that they say they love?<br />Shameful.Ellenhttp://www.andrewseltz.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-24141457383251759132013-02-16T12:56:54.378-08:002013-02-16T12:56:54.378-08:00This is a sad commentary on the State-of-the World...This is a sad commentary on the State-of-the World in general, 'as goes the Family = so goes the Country' what is wrong with relationships at a personal level affects the conscience & morals of the Nation. <br /><br />Far too many people are willing: to put up with, or continue in a bad situation. Kind of parallels the current situation of our Country, and is Symptomatic of Compromising: GOD's Laws & Commandments, Societal pressure over Common Sense, and people's Gullability to swallow the Wholesale lies being shopped today.<br /><br />GOD Bless to everyone, Pray without ceasing! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-51741661266105303152013-02-16T09:17:43.145-08:002013-02-16T09:17:43.145-08:00You go, girl!You go, girl!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-5713672807920667022013-02-15T19:21:44.161-08:002013-02-15T19:21:44.161-08:00My mother married a series of horrible men, and wh...My mother married a series of horrible men, and when one of them made a pass at me and I told her, her response was that I "must have misunderstood". Her entire reason for staying was monetary, and she was not going to stand up for her child and then lose her husband. Her actions helped to shape my desire to simply leave an abusive situation.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06363532651622078445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-55879897957076051582013-02-15T15:41:48.454-08:002013-02-15T15:41:48.454-08:00I haven't read all the responses but I had to ...I haven't read all the responses but I had to comment on this with my own experience.<br /><br />I was in a controlling relationship when I was 17-18. I realize now how toxic this relationship was but at the time I would trivialize or rationalize what was happening.<br /><br />He would tell me that I couldn't cut my hair because he thought I looked better with long hair, right? Oh, him telling me what I could and could not wear was just him looking out for me. He just showed up to my workplace because he loved me so much. I had to call him when I got home because he just wanted to make sure I was ok. That friend I was forbidden to socialize with? He must have seen something about her that wasn't good. It was cute that he wanted to know where I was and who I was with at all times. He wanted to spend every second with me without my family? Aw, he loves me so much! Him screaming at me and calling me names? Well, everyone has a temper! Threatening to kill himself if I ever left him? He just loves me so much he can't live without me! Him telling me I looked awful or telling me nobody would ever love me or him making fun of me was just his way of showing love. I could go on but I think I've given enough examples. You would be amazed at what can be trivialized or rationalized when another person convinces you that nobody else will love you. The amount of mind games an abuser will play is astounding and exhausting. I fully believe that the controlling and verbal abuse would have turned into physical abuse if I had stayed any longer.<br /><br />It took my parents staging an intervention before I finally broke up with him. Two weeks later my car tires were slashed and he was bragging around town that he had done it. He also spread horrible rumors about me to anyone who would listen. He stalked me. I didn't fully understand what he had been doing with convincing me I was worthless until many years later. It was so bad that when I started dating my husband I would expect him to blow up if I got a haircut or got a new outfit. It would shock me when Husband would tell me I looked great. It would shock me that Husband encouraged me to hang out with friends.<br /><br />The last I heard he was married and abusing his wife. <br /><br />Don't assume that someone is stupid for staying in a controlling or abusive relationship. Sometimes they don't see it or they've been convinced it's normal. Sometimes they are so convinced they're worthless that they really don't think they deserve better.<br /><br />Oh, and that friend he didn't like? She saw right through him and would tell me that it wasn't a good relationship whenever I talked to her. If many people are telling you it isn't a good relationship and to leave then I think it's time to take a deeper look at where you are in life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-55448580609003692462013-02-15T11:02:06.833-08:002013-02-15T11:02:06.833-08:00Oh, I so agree. I've never seen *any* relatio...Oh, I so agree. I've never seen *any* relationship that isn't to some degree manipulative on both sides -- and if this fellow is abusing 'her', then you can pretty much guess she knows just how to pull his strings: she like most women probably using emotional manipulation in marital power struggles. What surprises me is that no one has mentioned the dollars and cents of it. I know 'of' a woman who stayed in a relationship until her abusing (unwed) partner ended it, the girl's mother all that while interjecting the fellow's 'six-digit' income ('new house', 'new car', 'new....') into every conversation about the couple (both professionals) at every opportunity, only to reveal (hissingly) afterward that the fellow regularly beat the girl in angry rages, and was verbally abusive -- for all that while.... Apparently that was okay and unremarkable so long as the six-digit income was intact. Just a few days ago I read a woman's plaint in a childhood abuse blog I follow, that she's 'trapped' in her abusive marriage because if she leaves she'll 'only' get $1700 a month welfare. (Sorry, honey, no sympathy *here*.) And finally, my mother, too, stayed in an abusive marriage in which my father trashed all the children (not her) -- because she had no intention of living in poverty by removing us out of range of his viciousness: I'm 'privileged' to have had an upper-middle-class upbringing. Single poverty is healthy self-love for any woman who has experienced such abuse. "Being alone is [indeed] preferable to living in terror", humiliation, physical and emotional violence, incest -- and the unending, unending familial complicity of denial of same.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-57038064662072078632013-02-15T09:58:33.450-08:002013-02-15T09:58:33.450-08:00Recently Yahoo had an article about women who stay...Recently Yahoo had an article about women who stay with these types of men.<br /><br />The article stated that it was the endorphin rush when the couple made up after the abuse/fight that kept the women with the abuser. The same type of endorphin rush that say a person gets from spending money or gambling. <br /><br />Years ago I stayed at a battered women's shelter and every woman in there had returned to their abuser many times. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-56435800003299990942013-02-15T09:49:42.914-08:002013-02-15T09:49:42.914-08:00Some women get off on the abuse. They consider a m...Some women get off on the abuse. They consider a man with manners and gentlemanly behavior less than a man. It's all about the "thug love".Jay from Phillynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-78666254661356287872013-02-15T08:59:13.721-08:002013-02-15T08:59:13.721-08:00I totally agree. Its not always about self esteem...I totally agree. Its not always about self esteem but their desire to 'fix'their man. My brother and his girlfriend are in a mutually abusive relationship and I have come to the conclusion that some people just like drama. In my opinion, this desire for drama is fed by the violent music and movies they watch that tells them that it is normal to act this way. If you want to know what I mean just do a you tube search for eminem's song 'love the way you lie'. NOT for children!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-34434495090251054762013-02-15T08:59:03.375-08:002013-02-15T08:59:03.375-08:00This is of course a mental illness, probably bi-po...This is of course a mental illness, probably bi-polar. It is not just men who are dangerous partners. Most children who are killed by a parent are killed by the mother. Most physical assaults in a marriage are perpertrated by the female partner. This has been going on since Adam and Eve. There is no good answer except to gert out of a violent or potentially violent relationship. As I advised my son once; you can't fix her, leave, she will stab you one day or end up putting you in jail on trumped up charges. Everyone should learn to recognize this early and get out of the relationship before it gets worse.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-74650646746791227002013-02-15T07:12:24.856-08:002013-02-15T07:12:24.856-08:00“Why would Anne continue to live with a man who tr...“Why would Anne continue to live with a man who treats her this way, especially when she herself recognizes all the red flags that are waving in her face?”<br /><br />In two words: oxytocin and dopamine. If I understand correctly, a human female’s body produces both preceding and during coitus in greater quantities than a human male produces during the same act. That combined with the testosterone from male saliva and male ejaculate probably gets Anne impaired. My apologies for being so graphically blunt.<br /><br />Genesis 3:16 alludes to this condition: “Yet your urge shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you;” Anne’s “boyfriend” needs to come out of boyhood and “friendship” to the manhood of a husband who loves his wife as Christ loves His Church. Anne needs to stop being a “girlfriend” and become a wife.<br /><br />Your daughter’s response was compassionate and wise. May God continue to bless your family.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-79731479535318399582013-02-15T06:52:38.253-08:002013-02-15T06:52:38.253-08:00What advice would I give to this woman? For starte...What advice would I give to this woman? For starters, run, don't walk, run away from this "man" as fast as you can. Don't look back. Then get yourself some counseling. Also, get a restraining order. Cut this man (again, I use that term loosely) out of your life completely and refuse to acknowledge anything from or about him. In short, write him off completely. And by the way, I'm a Man.Paulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09087133795824291768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-26036009631347228222013-02-15T05:43:47.496-08:002013-02-15T05:43:47.496-08:00Some may say Anne is ever hopeful. I see her as ...Some may say Anne is ever hopeful. I see her as simply refusing to deal with reality and clinging to her "dream for the relationship" or "hope for the relationship". I say she is stubborn. He keeps showing her that she must obey his will or suffer the consequences, she keeps refusing to recognize him for what he is. <br /><br />You can't fix stupid..... she may not be stupid but her decision to keep "working" on him to achieve what she believes he is capable of...... sure isn't very intelligent. <br /><br />Once, maybe twice, shame on him...... after that.... shame on her. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5526768924178592295.post-57118750267973853672013-02-15T03:47:29.500-08:002013-02-15T03:47:29.500-08:00surprised to read so many have the same view as I ...surprised to read so many have the same view as I do, I was sure I'd be "shot down". I worked with a woman who was in an abusive relationship, also he was abusive towards her son. 5 years later I ran into her, the state had paid for her education to become a councelor for women who were in abusive relationships. When I congratulated her on getting out and helping other women, she let me know that she HAD NOT left her abuser and that she was so helpful exactly because she was being beaten and understood those women so well because of it..if my daughter was communicating with such a type of person I would give serious thought ending it. Maybe these peole are sick or frightened and need of special help or maybe they are flirting around wth evil and trying to draw sympathetic people in.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com