In-your-face stuff from an opinionated
rural north Idaho housewife.
Absolutely spot on. Thank you!
Patrice, Great article. I enjoy following you and your family, you are an inspiration and can't say I've ever disagreed with your words of advise and wisdom. "Maturity" I married my best friend at the age of thirty one. My mother was a school teacher for a private Christian school for over 30yrs and I would like to share just three things she gave to me.1. "Never attack your best friend with harsh words". We all have disagreements, but using mean or harsh language with each other only leads to escalating a conflict and most often doesn't allow for resolution, also your best friend becomes your enemy instead of your helper in life..2. "When faced with a big decision in life, write it down"Example; When i was looking for a partner in life, I first got on my knees and prayed, then I took out a piece of paper and made two list. Things I Needed and desired in a wife and things I absolutely wouldn't put up with. I did not deviate, there are plenty of people in the world and God has the right one picked out already...3. The third thing out of many Mom shared was a book that I now give to every young couple before they wed and ask that they would please read. (Love Life For Every Married Couple) by Dr Ed WheatMom gave this book to me in my mid twenties and I gave it to my wife when we where dating over twenty years ago..Thank You Patrice for awesome articles.
That psychiatrist certainly was biased from his own practice: happy people in happy marriages don't seek the services of a shrink. For several years I worked in a neo-natal intensive care unit (as a clerk) and finally had to leave because I felt myself getting a skewed view of babies. We saw only the tiniest and sickest of them; I know there were hundred born with no problems at all! I believe marriages are failing because persons entering into them aren't willing to work at serving the other and building a successful life together. It takes hard work and lots of it to be unselfish in a partnership. It takes commitment to stay together through the trials and hard times which come to everyone. All of my grandparents and my parents made it to 60+ years before one partner died. I'm so grateful for their example.
Yon psychiatrist is biased by two things:1) He only sees the people in trouble, and2) He may be laboring under the delusion that being "successful" and "healthy" means agreeing all the time, resolving everything easily, and being happy all the time.That seems to be a common delusion in our society today.If "a successful life" is always easy, always comfortable, and always happy, then marriage is a barrier to a successful life. Living with someone, day in and day out, isn't always going to be easy. There will be sacrifices, uncomfortable moments, disagreements, even arguments.If, however, we "revert" to the "outdated" belief that hardship and struggle are part of life, the picture changes.
Respectfully, I couldn't disagree more with your article. It would be unthinkable for me to raise my Christian children to wait until their mid to late 20s to be married. According to the Bible, they are to remain chaste until marriage. It is insane to teach someone that their normal sexual drive and need for companionship can be put off for ten to 15 years. Second, women's fertility decreases beginning in their late 20s. I know personally at least 10 women who waited till this age to get married and are either unable to conceive or had such trouble they have one child when they wanted more. Third, for a women to ignore the reality that she is at her best looking and most fertile during her late teens and early 20s, therefore most capable of attracting a solid mate is simply insane. Christian males are not looking to commit to 10 to 15 years of chastity to develop themselves. That is ridiculous. And males are attracted to youth and beauty. Men who are in their late 20s are not looking to marry women their age or older, but younger.You are given in your daughters a bizarre twist on the feminist mantra. No one has the maturity of a 40 year old at 20. Waiting until your almost 30 to consider marriage does not eliminate that. It effectively puts your daughters out of the running for quality men. Reality is men marry women they are attracted to.
Not surprisingly the pshchologist sees a lot of unhappy people. We generally don't try and 'fix' people who are 'too happy'! The pshchologist does not see a fair slice of society. This would be equivalent to a head trauma specialist saying that 90% of the people s/he sees are; or have recently been; concussed and concluding from this that head injuries are a daily occurrence!
Another study say they can predict the likelihood of divorce by the cost of the engagement ring; some interesting thoughts: http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480
Oi! I'm not sure I want to know!We spent $19 on an engagement ring, and that only because my then-fiancé's father had convinced him that a girl who wouldn't wear an engagement ring was bound to be unfaithful (nothing could have been farther from the truth-- we were young, in college, and broke, and I couldn't see the wisdom of spending hundreds of dollars on a silly piece of jewelry).Sixteen years later, here we still are. Still together. Still no engagement ring to "accompany" the plain silver band on my finger. Still wouldn't have it any other way.