Country Living Series

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Welcome to modern-day medicine

I was reading the comments on an article recently when I came across this gem. I don't know if the poster wrote it or if it was one of those things circling the internet, but at any rate I thought it was well-written and worth highlighting.

My Medical Appointment

I visited a physician last week who was quite enthusiastic. It was a “new” doctor in the practice, a young lady (at MY age, EVERYBODY is “young”! When I was born, the Dead Sea wasn‘t even sick!) She was obviously a liberal by her dress and manner. She asked me what was wrong, and I replied, “I have a cut on my leg; and I think it may be getting infected.”

She said, “Before we start, I have to ask you a few questions. Are you allergic to any medications?”

I replied, “No.”

She said, “Do you have any guns in the house?”

I said, “HUH??”

She replied, “Guns. Do you have any guns in the house?”

I asked, “Why?”

She said, “I’ve got to ask this question. It is required under the Affordable Care Act.”

I asked, “What are you going to do with the data?”

She said, “We compile it, amalgamate it, and submit it to the government.”

I said, “Well, I have a Tommy Gun. I let my kid Tommy play with it.”

She said, “What’s a Tommy Gun? I don‘t think that is the kind of gun they are concerned with.”

With THAT, I knew I had a live one. I said, “It’s similar to a B.A.R., but a little heavier and shorter. I have a B.A.R. also.”

She said, “A B.A.R.?”

I said, “Yes.”

She looked puzzled. Then she brightened up and asked, “Do you have any assault rifles?”

I attempted to look puzzled, and said, “I don’t know. What is an assault rifle?”

She said, “That’s a gun that is used in wars.”

I said, “As a matter of fact, I do. I have a replica of a Revolutionary War musket.”

She began to look a bit exasperated. I pretended not to notice and kept up the appearance of trying to be helpful.

She said, “Do you have anything more modern than that?”

I replied, “Well, yes I do. I have a replica muzzle loader from the Civil War. Do you know the difference between a musket and a muzzle loader?”

She rather peevishly said, “No, I don’t; and I don’t want to. What else do you have?”

I said, “I have an M-1.”

She asked, “What’s that?”

I said, “A rifle.”

She asked, “What kind?”

I replied, “It is called a Garand.”

She rather loudly said, “I don’t care if it is a grand rifle or not. Is it an assault rifle?”

To which I replied, “I don’t know. I don’t know what an assault rifle is. You say it’s a rifle used in war, yet you say that my musket and muzzle loader are not assault rifles.” She calmed down (a bit) and asked, “Anything else?”

I said, “I have an MG-.30, and an MG-.50. I‘m also part owner of an Apache. But they are not rifles.”

She stated, “Well, then, I’m not interested in them. Anything else?”

I replied, “Well, yes. I also have a 12-gauge and a 20-gauge pump. They are not rifled though.”

She said, “I’m not interested in pumps; I’m interested in guns.”

I replied, “Well, then, I have a Colt, a Luger, a Glock, a bazooka, a Parabellum, a Kalishnikov, a Henry, an Uzi, a Llama, and a Beretta--but they are not rifles.”

She then said, “I’ve had enough of this. I think you’re toying with me. Let me see your leg.”

I then said, “Excuse me, but before you look at my leg, I have a few questions to ask of you.”

She replied, “Of course. What are they?”

I said, “I have given you a lot of information about my guns. I am somewhat concerned about your knowledge and ability to assimilate, make coherent sense of that information, and report it correctly. Do you know the difference between a .22 caliber and a .223 caliber? It’s a rather fundamental difference.”

She replied, “Actually, I don’t.”

I said, “I see. Let me ask some more relevant questions. “How much money do you make?”

She said, “That’s personal, why do you ask?”

I said, “Well, in pushing the Health Care Act, my president cautioned the population about doctors that would amputate a leg rather than treat a cut because they make more money that way. Consequently, I wish to know if you are financially troubled. What kind of car do you drive? What are your house payments? How much is your mortgage? How much credit card debt do you have? Do you have a student loan; if so, how much?”

She said, “I’m not going to answer those questions. You have no right to ask them.”

I then asked, “Do you have training and education in homeopathic techniques? Do you know the benefits/effects of CoQ10, ginseng, fish oil, Creatine, BCAA, and other such herbal treatments?” Do you know the difference between Panax ginseng, American ginseng, and Siberian ginseng?”

She replied, “Well, No!”

I then asked, ”Well, have you studied it at all?”

She replied rather defensively, “NO; it’s all a bunch of hogwash anyway!”

I said, “Oh, then you have read the research on it. What have you read?”

She then said, “I don’t waste my time reading such things. Why are you asking me these questions?”

I said, “Well, if I’m going to turn my body over to you for treatment, I believe it is reasonable for me to know something about your motivation, training, experience, and competence. Do you know anything about the practice of holistic medicine?”

She said, rather angrily “No, I don’t!”

I said, “Oh. Okay. How much experience do you have in practicing medicine?”

She replied, “Well, not very much.”

To which I said, “Well, we all have to start somewhere. What medical school did you go to; what is its rank in terms of other medical schools; where did you intern; and where did you do your residency? What is the rank of the hospital where you did your internship and residency?”

She rather peevishly said, “All my credentials are posted in the waiting room.”

To which I said, “Really? The rank of your medical school is posted in the waiting room? Do you have any experience with leg injuries? If so, how much?”

I guess that was too much for her. She rather crossly said, “I think it would be best if you saw a different doctor.” ...and started to leave the room.

I said, “You know, doctor. You asked me irrelevant questions about my guns, and I answered them. Whether or not I own guns is really none of your business and has absolutely nothing to do with any treatment you might prescribe. On the other hand, I ask you questions quite relevant to my situation, and you refuse to answer them. Isn’t that somewhat backwards?”

She said, “But I HAVE to ask those questions. It’s the law.”

To which I replied, “Actually, it is NOT the law. Here is what the law says--taken directly from the Affordable Care Act:”

(1) WELLNESS AND PREVENTION PROGRAMS.—A wellness and health promotion activity implemented under subsection (a) (1) (D) may not require the disclosure or collection of any information relating to— (A) the presence or storage of a lawfully-possessed firearm or ammunition in the residence or on the property of an individual; or (B) the lawful use, possession, or storage of a firearm or ammunition by an individual.

(2) LIMITATION ON DATA COLLECTION.—None of the authorities provided to the Secretary under the Patient
Protection and Affordable Care Act or an amendment made by that Act shall be construed to authorize or may be used for the collection of any information relating to— (A) the lawful ownership or possession of a firearm or ammunition; (B) the lawful use of a firearm or ammunition; or (C) the lawful storage of a firearm or ammunition. You may verify this at: this link (see pg. 20) and this link.

“As you can see, you have broken federal law TWICE — once by asking, and once by collecting data. It is perfectly legal for me to own guns; it is NOT legal for you to ask and/or collect such data. YOU are breaking the law, and yet YOU are the one that is angry. Not only that, but you erroneously stated that you must ask such questions, and you did it in a very authoritative and convincing manner. You gave me false information, which I then acted upon by answering your questions. On that basis, how can I be expected to trust your medical judgment? When I attempted to ascertain your medical competency, you became defensive and hostile. There is really no need for me to see another doctor in this practice. I‘ll go somewhere else, where my privacy is respected, and I can trust the information I receive.”

Semper Fidelis,
Colonel, U. S. Marine Corps, Retired


  1. Umm.... did you ask if the doctor was a real doctor or a nurse practitioner? You know there is a shortage of real doctors so nurses are calling themselves doctor these days? Just asking.

    1. Just to clarify, this wasn't MY doctor's appointment, it's something I copied off the internet.

      - Patrice

    2. Oops! Sorry, I did read that at the beginning but it didn't register. My Senior mind don't always think correctly. :-)

      Would you mind explaining how you became one of the clean up persons for your local second harvest? I would like to become one in my area and want to ask in the right way and the right people. Thank you.

    3. It helps that our town is very small and we know the pastor who runs our local 2nd Harvest. In fact, HE called US about being the "cleanup" family, I think because we've made donations to them before. Times are getting harder and they haven't called us more than once in the last two years, so I'm assuming there haven't been many leftovers lately.

      But I'm a big proponent of the maxim "It never hurts to ask -- all they can do is say no."

      Perhaps you could volunteer with the distribution -- they might be inclined to let you take home leftovers. So call and ask. All they can do is say no.

      - Patrice

  2. Its circling the internet. No idea if its true, but its a good read none the less.

  3. LOVE THIS POST.....It is just like the government to say one thing and do another...Would LOVE to send this post to all my friends...How do I do that?
    Love from NC

  4. I'm quite confident my doctor won't do anything like that. During my visit last week, the nurse whispered to me - "Whatever you do, DON'T say anything about Obamacare. He's reeeeally upset right now!"

    I kept my mouth shut.

    Steve Davis
    Anchorage, Alaska

    1. My doctor in Colorado is ALWAYS PO'd and ragging on Obamacare. And he's not a "rich" doctor, just a everyday general practitioner who is convinced that Obamacare will totally destroy medical care in this country. Whether I mention the subject or not I get a steady stream of the latest "crap" that he's found out about the way doctors will have to change working with their patient's based on government regulation, not medical necessity.

    2. LOL sounds like our family Dr. too !

  5. This is an excellent post and points to abuses we absolutely need to know about. We had our own experience which folks might want to be aware of.

    When my daughter went for her college physical, I was not allowed in the room with her. Afterward, she told me the doctor absolutely grilled her about possible sexual abuse at home, to the point of trying to push her into making some sort of "confession." Talk about making your blood boil....

    1. Leigh,
      just an FYI , I work in the healthcare field ( in a Dr. office) If your daughter says you can come in the room they legally CAN NOT prevent you from coming in with her. Don't take no for an answer , be the thorn in their side.


  6. Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!

    I love it!

    That's a keeper.

    Fictional or not, this is the kind of stuff we all need to pay attention to. There is much wisdom in this kind of humor and much value in informed resistance to evil and incompetence.

    Thanks, Patrice!


  7. I laugh everytime I go to the drs..first thing they all do is ask a list of questions similar to this..for example: are you afraid to be alone? are you depressed? do you have stress in your life... it pays well to listen to these questions carefully before answering though...every now and then they slip a question in that is not just harmless drivel and none of their business.

  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

  9. I do wish the links he provided to back up his statements worked but...great find Patrice! thank you for sharing :) I will bing those articles myself

    1. Oops, sorry, my bad -- I forgot about the links. I've restored them, so you should be able to just click on them.

      - Patrice

    2. Haha....thanks... you gave me a totally unexpected laugh just now. I am reading along and then you write "MY BAD" :>) you are likely one of the last people i would have expected to use such slang. Thanks for the giggle :>)

  10. At my first appointment with a radiation oncologist his nurse asked if I knew where my WILL was and ever so helpfully offered to scan my WILL into my medical record! She specifically mentioned Obamacare in regards to this. Now I have to do my homework and see if this is correct.


  11. Although this is probably meant to be funny, people need to get serious about what they really admit to their doctors. Several years ago, I had a medical problem that took all summer to solve -and I had to solve it myself! But during this time, when doctors and testing couldn't find the diagnosis or a cause, they kept asking if I was depressed. This is the medical profession's tried and true cover-their-behinds method. Well, eventually I said "yes", because after four months of getting nowhere and feeling sicker and sicker to the point I felt I was just going to die, I did begin to feel pretty depressed -and FRUSTRATED with doctors.

    My doctor prescribed an anti-depressant which was not familiar to me. I just let him write the Rx, because I was so sick. But when I found out what it was for (Yay, the Internet), I never had it filled. But still, it is right there in my online medical records forever and ever -that I was prescribed an anti-depressant.

    A couple of years later (yes, I lived and recovered through no medical treatment and a God-given miracle), I was in my doctor's office for a routine "female" visit. He asked if I wanted a specific test, and I said "No, because these tests have never helped diagnose anything. After the experience I had a couple of years ago, I decided I am not going to subject myself to anymore tests like those."

    So, what did I find out he typed into his little database? That I was not interested in medication or testing to save my life! I did not SAY anything like that. Because I am disabled from a chronic illness, he now assumes that what I meant in my frustration at not being helped during a previous illness, that I want no life-saving tests or measures employed!

    These medical records are recorded and stored electronically forever now.

    Folks, be very careful what you say to your doctors! I wouldn't even joke about the gun issue (if in fact, it happened). And don't allow yourselves to be prescribed ANYTHING you do not know about, because once it is prescribed, it doesn't matter if you took the med or not -it's in your records.

    It is pretty intimidating and scary to make a trip to my doctor for my yearly "have to go" exams and tests. I was once very open and friendly with my doctor of 20 years, but now I know I must be careful about everything out of my mouth.

    What will happen is that patients will end up NOT telling their doctors critical information about their health because of privacy concerns and Big Brother.

  12. If I am asked if I have guns in my home I will proudly say no, that is I will lie to protect myself and my family. I also have a years supply of food and I will lie about that as well. And when it comes to depression or any suicidal thoughts I will say hell no. Luckily I am not depressed or suicidal but if you happen to be don't share it with any health care worker because they may be obligated to begin a process which will put you in the psych ward for a week.

  13. Your post is excellent. Thanks for sharing it with us.