Country Living Series

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Don't make your kids share

Here's my WND for this weekend entitled "Don't Make Your Kids Share."


And my thanks to Enola Gay, whose blog post inspired the column.

17 comments:

  1. I was a believer in NO FORCED SHARING before it was cool. It is a socialist concept. We really need to think more on how we are training up our children. That which SEEMS correct is often bondage (like political correct speech)

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  2. Great article, Patrice. As always, some of the comments over at WND were hilarious. Talk about missing the point of what you were saying.

    My mom would never have allowed me to take something that belonged to my brother, but my mother was a very wise women.

    Adrienne (your Post Falls neighbor)

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  3. VERY good column, Patrice. It makes a lot of good sense. I've had my suspicions for many years, and this column has made me realize my suspicions were correct. The liberal goal for decades has been to condition our children to think the liberal way. They've been indoctrinated to think it's a good thing to "share" or "spread the wealth." But that is just another big step in the direction of socialism. I hope you opened the eyes and dumbed-down brains of many Americans with this column! --Fred in AZ

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    1. Well, it IS a good thing to share. But if you force sharing, what you wind up with is that nobody owns anything. And really, there is no virture in sharing what is not yours in the first place. So you kill two virtues with one stone - you lose the virtue of ownership/responsibility, AND the virtue of generosity.

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  4. Hi - I wanted to let you know that I've sent an email regarding a tankard order - I wanted to make sure it hadn't landed in spam. Thanks! (the email address is rachael AT urbanindustrial farm house DOT com)

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    1. It's a good thing you said something because yes, it somehow ended up in spam. Don will be in touch with you. Thanks!

      - Patrice

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  5. Very good post! I put a link on my fb page to the article

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  6. Oh Patirce, this clip is perfect for your post! It's about choice and love for each other - NOT about force!! http://www.wimp.com/childrenreact/

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  7. Having a 4yo, 16m old and a newborn in the house... sharing is quite often an issue to say the very least. About 6 months ago I started to find myself thinking more and more about forcing our oldest to share. There were just some things that imo he shouldn't share... this article was awesome. DH and I both read it and couldn't agree more! I shared it on my facebook page as well. It helps explaining to the 4yo that we cannot "make" anyone share anything, which he has had to deal with a lot recently from relatives. We encourage him to share, but no longer force him. We've explained how sharing helps make friends and how he feels when someone shares with him, etc etc... but we've also said that if you don't want to share something, it is best to put it up and not play with it at all right then to avoid conflict. This is especially true with the 4yo and 16mo. We also encourage him to redirect, and offer alternatives to the toy he has before hand. I love the article and the idea. I think a lot of people think we are crazy... but :) OH WELL! Thanks for the great read Patrice!

    Learning in NY

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    1. I love the idea of helping your 4yo figure out what he is and is not willing to share. That is the essence of good emotional boundaries later in life!

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  8. Patrice, I agree 100%. Sharing is a relationship, an investment in the the relationship. In our home we have "house" toys, which belong to everyone and must be shared (turns or negotiation), and "own" or "special" toys, for which sharing is optional. I see this as teaching my little girls boundaries, and most importantly building their self-worth and defending them against predatory adults or predatory males later in life.

    I do not want them confused that being "nice" means they must share themselves with anyone who asks or demands. I have seen too many peers go through the wringer because they were just trying to be "nice" to someone who had no investment in a relationship.

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  9. I just wanted to "share" another example of forced sharing. My daughter is a single mother struggling to raise her 11 year old son on her own - and doing so without any government assistance. She bought her son's school supplies as per his teacher's list (over the entire summer to spread out the expense). She wrote his name on his notebooks, composition books, etc. When my grandson took his supplies to school, the teacher wanted everyone's supplies put into a large box that anyone could then get what they needed. This was to help those who couldn't afford supplies (or didn't want to buy them). She ridiculed my grandson for his "selfishness". Now, don't get me wrong - my family believes strongly in charity. We just prefer to volunteer it where we choose - not have it forced. My daughter doesn't make enough money to do a lot for others and shouldn't be coerced into it. My grandson shouldn't be ridiculed and embarrassed in front of his classmates either. He is the most sweet and giving young man (and no, that's not just the proud grandma - the same sentiment comes from other teachers he has had as well as adults at church). I agree that socialism training is starting early!

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    1. We dealt with that at our kid's school as well. We lived in a solidly middle class neighborhood during good economic times, and many of the parents didn't buy supplies because the supplies were there if they bought or not. Made me furious.

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    2. I am torn about that. On the one hand, it is selfish and unfair for parents who have the means to leave supply-buying to "the collective" and abdicate their responsibility.
      On the other hand, those kind of people are not going to step up, even if I refuse. So what will happen is that the teacher will buy the supplies out of her pocket (I know this teacher). So I look at it that, I am doing it for the teacher to spare her having to stand in the gap for those other parents.

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  10. Great article, Patrice. Also keep in mind that it suggests the problem with the inane concept of trade balance. If I give you X then the Y you give me should be somehow equivalent or I've been cheated. Just as ridiculous. Either we agree in property usage (rent) or trade (sale) to make a win-win deal, or we don't, which means both sides leave with what they value most. A third party's ranking of the deal is irrelevant.

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  11. Excellent article! We started the forced sharing bit when our second child was very small, and quickly realized it wasn't right. Your article really fleshed out why, though!

    Very good point by LarryR, too. :)

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