Country Living Series

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

How to teach a man to fish...

In my WorldNetDaily column from a couple weeks ago entitled "The Right to Nothing," I made reference to how the government merely gives fish to homeless people - it doesn't teach them to fish so they can become more independent.

In response, a reader sent the following email which cracked me up:

We could "teach a man to fish," but first of all we have to fill out Federal Form 3462(D), Application for Federal Fishing License, in triplicate, forward Copy One to Federal Bureau of Fisheries and Hatcheries, Copy Two to Bureau of Land Management, and Copy Three to the State Department of Natural Resources. We then get HUD to certify that the person in question does not: (1) already know how to fish; or (2) has not gone through a program teaching how to (a) crab, (b) harvest lobster, or (c) dive for clams. This process can take up to 45 days, but can be expedited if you can get an authorized representative of Health and Human Services to file a Notarized Affidavit with the Justice Department that the potential Trainee has not been in a Federal Program for job training with the following: Fresh Start, Americorps, (prounonced Ah-mare-ah-corpse!), or any other program from the Federal Bureau of Prisons.

You then apply for a grant from a non-profit Foundation to purchase fishing equipment, including a 32 foot trawler at $1.2 million, nets at $450,000 (used), and a permit to buy diesel from the Department of Energy. The proposed trainee then must set up a non-profit entity of his own and apply to the IRS for an EIN. After obtaining this number, he takes his corporate resolution papers to a savings bank and opens up an FDIC-protected checking account. Then, certifying a check for $50, 000, he goes to the United Nations and gets a Law of the Sea Treaty waiver.

One last thing: he MUST get a "Mercury Free" Certificate from the EPA. Now he is in business.

Of course he died of starvation while waiting for his HUD certificate, but it's okay...he was a Vet, and his survivors get $250.00 to assist with his burial expenses.


  1. Now there's a writer who's been paying attention!

    Great post. Thanks for showing it to us.

    A. McSp

  2. Thanks for posting my reply on your blog! I feel like a "published author!" LOL

    Bryce E. Johnston

  3. Well said, Bryce! Too, too true.

    Bill Smith

  4. Wanna teach a man to catch a fish? Tie his t.v remote to a catfishes tail and throw it in the pond.Trust me he'll find a way!

  5. Sorry anonymous I watch maybe 5 hours of TV a week. My remote can go fishing for all I care. Now my wife would be in withdrawals spasms in under 10 minutes. Besides I know how to fish