Country Living Series

Monday, January 4, 2010

Chuckle du Jour

This joke has been around awhile, but tacked on the end are a couple of new twists.


Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice
as many morons.

Have you heard of Obamatonium? When it was first discovered, it was believed to be heavy in neutrons, but it turned out to be an unstable anti-matter element. Its protons started positive, but changed to negative suddenly, the nucleus is dangerously off center, and its electiontrons go from positive to negative back to positive, and I think right now, they are steadily on the negative side. It seems this element has a self-preservation tendency, and while it can't self correct the unstable pos/neg quark charges, it compensates by moving around a lot more than other elements in its class. The downside is the instability causes severe damage everywhere it goes. Also, the entire atomic weight can't be determined, as smaller particles detach without warning, and others are absorbed from other elements to replace them. There is absolutely no logical explanation for how long this element has existed without self-destructing.

The element does not occur in nature, it it widely reported it was created in what is described as an "Underground Laboratory"

Sadly Governmentium is NOT INERT. When exposed to Pelosegyn, Reidtrate and ObamaDIOXIDE, Governmentium begins to ABSORB all the stored energy in the HOST COUNTRY, till the host runs out of all resources and Governmentium becomes a highly unstable acidic FAT that controls what is left of the host and ANY FREE RADICALS that are left.

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